Cruel Dares and Twisted Truths
by destielshipper
Summary: AU: It's their mutual hatred for one another that keeps them at odds but when a dare is given to Dean Winchester for Castiel he has to take it. It's all fun and games till hearts are broken and secrets are spilled for everyone to see.
1. Chapter 1

From the moment they met in freshman year aged fourteen years old, complete opposites, and stuck together in the beginning of the high school they hated each other. Dean Winchester was boisterous, loud, and a troublemaker with popularity around the school that made him shine, Dean had his own little gang and had a kind of friend with everyone in his year apart from one. Castiel Milton was quiet, clever, and secluded in his own world; he had a small group of friends and refused to give one minute of his time to one particular boy. Castiel hated Dean, Dean hated Castiel.

Their feud was never ending, never changing, and continued well on up to senior year. Their lives were on completely different paths with Dean stuck in a problem that he couldn't escape and Castiel in an endless nightmare. It was senior year when everything started to change and mould into the future they were meant to share.

_**~0~0~0~**_

The alarm clock next to Dean rang persistent and loud in his ears. He inhaled deeply opening his eyes to see it was nearly 8am. He groaned rolling over ad burying his head under the pillow hating school and everyone in it.

"Dean!"

Dean threw the pillow off his head and sat up with narrowed eyes.

"Great" he muttered with a deep sigh climbing out of bed and pulling on a clean t-shirt, a pair of jeans and his old jacket before running down the stairs. Mary turned when he bounded into the kitchen stealing a piece of toast and pecking her cheek.

"Morning, mom" he said with a grin biting into it. "Is Sammy ready?"

"Brushing his teeth, did you do your essays?"

Dean grimaced with a nod leaning against the counter. "I hated every single second of it"

"Do you want to pass those exams?"

"It's October" Dean said with a raised eyebrow.

"Your final year!" she exclaimed cupping his cheeks. "So don't let…anything distract you"

"Mom, you know I will and I'll always be careful"

Mary let her hands fall giving him a genuine smile and turned when a thirteen year old, Sam, dropped into the kitchen carrying his bag and looking up at Dean.

"Are we going?"

"Yeah" he said with a small smile ruffling his hair gently. Sam scowled shoving his hand away and following after him.

"Bye, mom!" he shouted waving a hand. Mary fluttered her fingers watching them leave and collected her own keys getting ready for work in the supermarket.

Dean opened the car door letting Sam in and got in driving him to middle school.

"Have a nice day, Sammy" he called with a smirk when he glared at him stalking away into the school. Dean rolled his eyes amused but it faltered as he drove towards his own school and parked in his usual place.

His eyes looked up to the morning sunshine and he sighed tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Dean turned hearing a familiar voice and looked up to see his little gang, Adam Milligan, Jo Harvelle, Ash Smith and Pamela Barnes. Dean had been lifelong friends with Jo and somehow along the way the other three had joined making it the perfect foursome.

"Sitting here" he said answering Jo who shook her head at him. Dean looked over her and smiled softly.

"You look pretty today"

"Was that a compliment?" she said narrowing her eyes at him and folded her arms.

"Yes" he said slowly like she was a child.

"Were you daydreaming about me?" Pamela teased him.

"Nope" Dean replied with a smirk and a wink letting Jo link her arm into his. The four of them walked into the school heading towards their lockers when Dean saw him leaning against his locker talking to his friends, Balthazar Reed and Becky Rosen.

"Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse" Dean muttered looking over to Castiel who met his gaze with a look of distaste.

"It's only just begun but I guess your small mind can't comprehend that little fact" Castiel remarked.

Dean stopped turning back to him only to be halted by Jo who tugged his arm hard.

"Leave it, Dean"

"What was that?" Dean said pushing her back and moving to Castiel who rolled his eyes at him.

"Have you always been this stupid, Dean, or it just starting to bloom in your final year?"

"You're a real smartass you know for someone as pathetic as you" Dean said facing him. Balthazar moved towards him with balled up hands only to be held back by Castiel who shook his head.

"I may be pathetic, Dean, but I'm not you" Castiel replied pulling his bag onto his shoulder. "We've all heard the rumours of you of course and you're nothing but a poor excuse of a human being and a bully"

Castiel shoved his shoulder as he went by. Dean swallowed hard ignoring Jo's presence on his arm and simply breathed out hard.

"That guy is a serious jerk and needs a good punch" Adam spat looking back to Dean who mentally agreed but shrugged it off.

"Castiel Milton, the delicate flower talking to, Dean Winchester, the hero like that"

Dean turned his head sharply to see Ruby Doe waltz over with a smug grin closely followed by friends, Azazel "Az" Messenger and Lilith Edwards.

"He'll get what's coming to him" Dean said with a look of defiance.

"I'm sure he will" Az interrupted with a chuckle. "How long has this been going on now?"

"So long it's boring isn't it?" Lilith said moving along with a roll of her eyes.

Dean clenched his hands together narrowing his eyes and opened his mouth to speak when the bell went for first lesson. They took off for their lessons leaving Dean to walk to physics which he shared with Castiel like the most lessons he had. Dean walked into the lab without a care in the world but noticed Castiel almost immediately wearing his pastel green jumper that was so dreadful it made Dean cringe. Despite his clothing, Dean couldn't deny that he was a good looking bloke and that was a lot to admit to himself even though he hated the guy more than anything. Dean dropped down glancing over to his table meeting Balthazar's stormy eyes glaring at him. Castiel and Balthazar were known for being best friends and no one knew how long they had known each other but they knew it was a long time.

Dean flicked the finger at him and smirked when Balthazar went to move off his seat only to be stopped by Castiel.

"He isn't worth it"

"He's a worth a serious punch to one of those pretty green eyes"

"Leave it" Castiel warned looking over to Dean who had moodily thrown his books down on the desk. Castiel sighed pulling his own pen out looking over to their science teacher preparing for the lesson. Castiel in his own mind didn't quite understand why Dean hated him like this and never would. It all started when Dean tripped him in the middle of the corridor after their first lesson together. His bag and contents went everywhere, everyone laughed, and he was humiliated. Dean taunted him, pushed him around, and became his tormentor. Castiel didn't want to hate him but Dean made it very hard for him not to so in time he began to accept it and hated him back.

It wasn't old news that they hated one another and everyone knew about their differences.

"He's such an asshole" Balthazar murmured. "Why the hell are you putting up with it?"

"Because it's the only way and I have so far for this many years"

"He's need putting in his place"

"With violence, Balthazar?"

Balthazar grimaced in apology patting his hand. "Sorry"

Castiel looked away listening to the teacher talk and jotted down notes on his notepad. Dean glanced over to Jo sitting at the back to see her eyebrow raise in question.

"Cell" he mouthed to her turning back towards the front of the classroom. He pulled his own cell phone out typing in a message for her.

"**Great job on sticking by me"**

Dean looked over his shoulder to see her read the message and roll her eyes dramatically at him.

"**I do! I just think it needs to die and now. It's childish"**

Dean snapped the cell down irritated and pocketed it looking over to Castiel who met his gaze with a cold look. He knew that people knew about his "job" and it bothered him more than anything that they knew but it couldn't he helped. This job was to protect his family and his family were more important that anything.

Castiel rolled his eyes away from him facing towards the lecturer and ignoring Dean altogether. The lesson went by quickly and Dean walked out quickly feeling a jab in his ribs which made him wince as Castiel walked by.

"That jumper is fucking disgusting" Dean remarked gripping the back of it and pulling him back hard. Castiel stumbled back hitting Dean and glared at him.

"Let go of me" he hissed pulling away and staring up at him. "It keeps me warm and why do you care?"

"I don't, I care about my poor eyes"

"Well stop staring at me then"

"I'm not staring at you!" Dean protested stepping back.

"I disagree"

Dean scoffed shoving his shoulder hard smacking him into the wall. Castiel gasped in pain when his shoulder blades hit the stone wall behind him and a jolt of pain ran up his spine as he stared into his eyes.

"Listen here, you little freak, you think you're something special don't you? You act all mysterious and clever, shouting remarks and acting like you're god's gift when you're so far from it" Dean hissed gripping the jumper tight pressing him harder into the wall. "You're nothing and you never have been"

"Right back at you, you asshole" Castiel whispered gripping his wrist and struggling against his grip. "I don't think anything of the sort but you…you're just laughable, Dean, you push me around like I'm your little play thing but I am far from it"

Castiel found his strength shoving him away till Dean hit the opposite wall.

"Touch me again and I'll make sure you won't be using those hands for another few months…and I hate violence" he said moving off the wall stalking away. Dean looked after him and stood there regaining his composure before moving away and out into the yard. He looked over towards Jo, Adam, Ash, and Pamela in their usual spot and turned way heading up the hill towards a patch of trees.

Dean dropped down tossing his bag aside and leaning against the bark. Birds tweeted above him and he sighed pulling out his music and a cigarette. Plugging his earphones in, Dean relaxed lighting the cigarette and inhaling deeply.

"Hello, Dean" Az said to him softly.

Dean opened his eyes wrinkling his nose in hatred for him.

"What?"

"I heard what happened in the corridor"

"No one was there" Dean said confused looking around the grass and looking at Az who dropped down on the grass in front of him.

"Meg was passing by and she told me"

"Little bitch" he muttered sucking on the end and exhaling the grey smoke.

"It sounded like you lost…again. You keep losing to that little virgin"

Dean blinked astonished looking over to Az who was looking over his shoulder to Castiel far back in the distance reading on the bench. Az smirked looking over to Dean who shook his head.

"He's not a virgin"

"Oh that delicate flower is…my sources are very, very, reliable and no one has deflowered him…yet"

"No way" Dean breathed shaking his head. "There has to be someone"

"Nope, nada, no one has touched him like that. No one understands why and it's often a little joke I think but he's had his fair share of advantages from people wanting a piece of him but nothing. It seems like he wants to keep it"

"How the hell do you know this?"

"I know everything" Az said proudly clasping his hands together. "I know who everyone has fucked, including you"

"No you don't"

Az laughed loudly clapping his hands together.

"Cassandra Robinson, Carla Jones, Michael Jefferson…"

"Okay, okay, stop it!" Dean cried holding up his hands staring at him horrified. "Do I want to know how you know that?"

"No"

"What…what are you doing here?"

"I'm helping you, Dean, and since…well since we are acquainted in more ways than one, I like to help people" Az said ignoring Dean's discomfort. "I'm giving you the perfect revenge and also…a little game for me"

"What?"

"I dare you, or bet you, to take it" Az said softly.

"Take what?"

"His virginity" Az replied looking over to Castiel. "I dare you to seduce him and take it away"

"What? I wouldn't go near him if he was begging for it"

"Oh you would" Az said with a chuckle. "He's a handsome boy and there is an underline of sexual tension between you and you know it, Winchester"

Dean swallowed hard flicking his cigarette away and looked him in his odd eyes. Az liked to wear different coloured contact lenses but his favourite was yellow at the moment.

"You can't be serious"

"Deadly and if you don't do it…I take your Impala away for 4 months"

"What?" he cried watching him take out his car keys. Dean patted his pockets glaring at him.

"Give them back!"

"I'm just showing you the prize if you are a loser" Az said chucking them over to Dean who caught them. "If you win…I'll talk to Alistair for you, face to face"

"What?" Dean breathed stopping in his tracks. "You're lying"

"I don't need to lie, Dean, and I will. I know how much you want to get out but we all know…you don't get out this job so easy" Az said with a shrug. "It's just a little dare and you get your own back on him, no more smart mouthed little virgin"

Dean knew he was probably making the biggest mistake of his life but it meant losing his Impala and the chance to get out of the job.

"Fine" Dean said softly looking over to an unknowing Castiel who flicked through his book unaware of what was going to happen to him.

"Time limit, you have three months, Dean because well…you hate each other" Az said standing up. "Play the game, Dean, or your Impala is mine and you're stuck in this job"

_**~0~0~0~**_

"Are you okay?" Becky said when Castiel clutched at his back as they walked to English.

"Fine, just a little muscle ache" he said with a reassuring smile just for her. Becky met his smile but it was etched in concern as they walked inside.

Castiel sat down looking at Mr Shurley staring at them nervously. Dean who was sat at the back looked up when he walked in wincing in what looked like pain. He bit his lip realising it was most probably the wall and knew this was going to be difficult.

"Okay class! I am setting our new project, a paper, on a Shakespearian play called Romeo and Juliet whom you should all know about" he said ignoring the groans. "This will be a paired task and I am choosing the pairs, folks, so that means no changing, no complaining, and certainly no switching"

Adam looked over to Dean who met his gaze with a roll of his eyes.

Dean looked out of the window waiting for his name to be called out with a partner in the room and sighed wondering who it could be.

"Castiel Milton with…Dean Winchester"

An audible gasp went around the room as they turned in their seats to look at Dean and Castiel. Dean sucked in a sharp breath in surprise fighting back laughter and placed a hand over his mouth watching Castiel shake his head.

"No, no, I can't be with him, Mr Shurley!" Castiel protested.

"Mr Milton, I told you already that there is no complaining, no switching, no nothing"

Castiel breathed out looking over to Becky who shrugged and he looked back to Dean who looked back over to him with wide eyes. Dean was genuinely surprised at the sudden and unexpected turn of events and felt like this was being handed over to him like it was meant to happen.

"There we go! Now please go sit with your new partners" Mr Shurley announced.

Dean drew back his empty chair as they all moved around and patted the seat when Castiel walked over shaking his head slowly.

"I need this mark, I need this A, Dean, so don't you dare try and screw this up for me!" he hissed dropping into the seat. Dean nodded fighting back his instinct to throw a remark back at him. Castiel blinked expecting the same and looked away confused.

"Whatever you say, Cas" he said tapping the pen against his lips.

Castiel looked at him from the corner of his eyes feeling suspicious and uneasy all of the sudden. His eyes found Becky looking back to him with an apologetic look in her eyes just for him. The lesson picked up again leaving the two of them on edge as people snuck glances at them amazed that they weren't fighting or bickering. Dean looked out the window to see clouds starting to form over Lawrence and he contemplated the task ahead and wondered if he could really do it or fail completely losing everything he cared about.

**A/N: It baffles me where my ideas come from. It seems like a good idea, right? Review for me please? You know I like my reviews! **


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel was more than relieved that the day was over and he could go home. It had been the day from hell and made even worse with the fact he was stuck with Dean in an English project for many weeks. He walked up the stairs to the apartment he shared with his eldest brother, Gabriel.

Castiel opened the door and stopped hearing moans coming from Gabriel's bedroom. He rolled his eyes giving a huge sigh and slammed the door hard hating his older brother more than ever. The groans and the banging didn't cease like he thought and he grimaced in disgust turning on the IPod loud. Castiel turned on his heel when a protest went up and he dimly heard scuffling before the door flew open and Gabriel stared at him shamefaced covering his modesty with a pillow.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I live here" Castiel said with a raised eyebrow. "It's also quarter past four, Gabriel"

"What?"

"You've been fucking all day haven't you?"

"Well…" he said looking back into the bedroom. "Just a little"

Castiel swallowed down his disgust turning back around heading towards his own bedroom. It was spacious with a large double bed, drawers, wardrobe, and his computer desk. It was a typical room bare of childhood memories. Castiel didn't want anything that reminded him of home in his own room and looked over his school work littered everywhere. He knew he wasn't the stereotypical type of teenager who went out every night drinking, fucking, and living their life to the full. Castiel didn't want that, he wasn't like Gabriel, he wasn't like his eldest sister, Anna, who he rarely saw anymore, and he certainly wasn't like his father.

"Cas?" Gabriel said knocking on the door looking over the front door to see it close and his latest conquest leave. "Come on kiddo"

Castiel pulled it open to see him fully dressed and looking sheepish.

"It's just sex, Cas, no need to freak out"

"I wasn't freaking out"

"Sure, what do you want for tea?"

"Nothing" he muttered attempting to close the door. Gabriel's hand slammed out startling him and he glared up at him.

"What?"

"You need to eat, Cas, and I'm not taking no for an answer" he said sternly. "What's up anyway?"

"Nothing"

"Jesus, was I this difficult when I was teenager?" Gabriel muttered looking up to the ceiling. "Something happened in school didn't it?"

"No"

"Cas!"

"Fine! I had a hard day made even harder by the fact I am stuck in an English project with Dean bloody Winchester!" he shouted shoving past him.

Gabriel groaned internally turning around to see him flop on the sofa with a frown etched into his features.

"Dean Winchester, the famous Dean Winchester should I say" he said walking over slowly. "You talk about him all the time you know"

"No I don't"

"Yes you do…Dean did this, Dean did that, I hate that Dean Winchester so much, Dean Winchester is an asshole…I could go on and on"

"You do realise they are all hateful comments towards the jackass"

"If you didn't hate each other you would be fucking" Gabriel said with a nod.

Castiel flushed hard looking away from him and tucking the cushion underneath his chin.

"Shut up, Gabriel"

Gabriel smirked punching the air in mock delight and sitting down heavily next to him. Castiel glared scooting away and staring out of the window to see the dark clouds starting to form and knew it would be soon night.

"Sore spot?"

"I told you to shut up"

"Oh come on! You hate him and he hates you but you want to know the one thing that really bugs me?"

"What?"

"We don't even know why!" Gabriel said throwing up his hands. "Why does this stupid little boy hate you so much?"

Castiel fidgeted picking on his jumper and shrugged his shoulders up and down once.

"Turn back three years and ask him"

Gabriel scoffed kicking his feet up, folding his arms, and switching on the television.

"You have the perfect chance yourself, Cas, you're his partner in an English project now…you're going to be spending plenty of time with the enemy and you know what they say, keep your friends close but your enemies closer" Gabriel said nudging his arm. "You could find out why he hates you so much"

"I've asked him already"

"What did he say?" Gabriel questioned.

"He didn't, he shoved me into a wall and ignored me"

Gabriel grimaced flicking through the channels. "Well maybe this is your chance"

Castiel mentally agreed moving off the sofa and back into his bedroom. He often wondered why Dean did hate him but shrugged it off. Castiel had bigger problems.

He changed out of his clothes and drew the blackout curtains sending his room into darkness and went to bed with no tea. It felt like being a little kid again only the consequences weren't as bad. The day's stresses took its toll and sent him into an uneasy sleep where he dreamt of his past.

Castiel's dreams took him back to a time when he was just a small child, four years old, and completely dependent on his father and brothers and sister. Their mother had died during childbirth when she went into labour with Castiel from too much blood loss. It was a loss for them all but more for their father, Matthew Milton, who struggled deeply with the loss of his wife. It was up to ten year old, Anna, to take charge of her baby brother who was completely dependent on her and needed that mother figure. His oldest brother, Michael, was never there and was always moving around and ignoring the family he had as he suffered in his grief, his second eldest brother, Gabriel, was the rebel of the family but stuck close to his family and Anna was left caring for her family.

In his dream or what could be called a nightmare, he was stood outside of the lightly lit room clutching his favourite teddy bear to his chest and looking in. Castiel knew he shouldn't be there, he should be in bed but noises had disturbed him out of his bedroom and down the stairs. He doesn't want to look and he doesn't like the noises coming from the room but he can't stop his hand reaching out for the doorknob.

"Daddy?" he said in a soft voice and gasped when he heard the noises cease and footsteps walk towards him angrily. Castiel stepped back looking up at his furious and drunk father looking down at him.

"What are you doing?" he shouted down at him. Castiel stared into his stormy dark blue eyes trembling softly and couldn't help but look away into the room to see a scantily clad woman smoking.

"I said what are you doing?" he hissed gripping the top of his hair. The pain was so intense he cried out when he threw him on the floor kicking him hard and roughly. Tears coated his eyes and he shied away apologising.

"GET TO BED!" he roared at him pointing up the stairs. Castiel nodded trembling and crying hard till he reached up the stairs hearing him rant and shout upstairs about him. He ran towards Anna's room to see her gone and breathed out sobbing till he felt arms wrap around him and slam the door shut. Castiel turned to see a younger Gabriel hugging him to his chest shushing him and telling him it would all be okay.

Castiel woke up out of his dream breathing hard and scrambling for the lamp which plunged the room into dim light. Tears coated his cheeks and he scrubbed at them furiously feeling his sleeves fall down and the scars on his wrists show illuminated white and pink in the light. Scars he had hidden for so long, scars no one apart from Gabriel knew about. They were often seen if he was reckless but he pushed it away as a simple scar but they meant so much more.

His breathing calmed down slowly and he winced at the ache in his back. Castiel stepped onto the wooden floors moving to the long mirror on his wall and turned pulling up the t-shirt to see a purple bruise blooming over his back. His jaw clenched and he looked down at the floor hating Dean more than anything in the world in that small moment. In his eyes he was nothing but a cruel bully who hurt others to make himself look big and mighty.

His eyes looked up to his reflection and he swallowed hard turning away. He buried his head under the covers blocking the world out and hummed a favourite song under his breath hoping it would lull him back to sleep and prayed for a dreamless one this time.

_**~0~0~0~**_

"Dean?"

Dean turned his head to see Sam staring across at him from the car confused.

"What?"

"You look…troubled"

"I'm fine, Sam"

"I heard you get in last night…it was late"

"Good job, Sherlock" Dean said with a roll of his eyes as he drove towards his school.

"Mom doesn't know because she was asleep but I wasn't…Dean, is this job with Alistair safe?"

"Of course it is, Sam, I already told you it's fine and…I told mom as well"

"Mom believes you because she has to, you're bringing in the money to keep us fed, Dean, but you won't even tell me what you're doing!" Sam cried looking out of the window with a frown.

Dean felt the guilt spread into his veins and he sighed turning into the school and parking by the sidewalk. He reached out gripping his shoulder so he turned to face him.

"It's just a little job, Sam; it brings the money in doesn't it?"

"Yeah it does but Dean I don't want you to get hurt"

"It's nothing bad, I promise" he lied softly removing his hand. "Now go, go get your grades"

"You'll pick me up"

"Like I always do" he said with a small smile.

Sam met his smile and climbed out waving a hand and running towards his friends waiting at the gate. Dean watched him till he was out of sight and in the school before starting her up again and heading towards the school. The job wasn't small but it was necessary. Alistair employed only the best and the best were hard to find in his scary black eyes, he nicknamed them his devil's rejects and they did whatever he said. It was only the best who dealt drugs to people willing to pay over a lot of money. Dean hated it more than anything in the world but it was money, it kept his family safe, and there was no way out.

It wasn't his fault he had been caught up in it but his own dad's. Dean had discovered over the years that including his own job of running a local firm, his dad was involved things that Dean couldn't quite understand till he was older. It all made sense where the money was coming from and why his unsuspecting mother took it as a raise in the firm and a hard day's work put to good use. Mary never ever suspected despite her suspicions.

John wanted out of the business and he went up to Alistair and quit, but no one quits unless Alistair agrees and he didn't. Dean was proud of his dad for quitting and even chose to keep his silence just to please his dad. He was starting middle school during that time with Sam still in the 3rd grade. When it happened it was so unexpected for everyone including John. Dean heard it before he even contemplated what was happening. Three gunshots were fired outside of the house were John had been locking up the garage. The final shot had killed him dead and he landed next to the car with the garage door wide open and lay there for hours before Mary discovered he was missing from their bed.

Dean would never forget her screams and the grief struck hard. What he didn't know at the time was Alistair knew all about Dean, he knew about him from John, and Alistair wanted him. It was when he was sixteen that he was jumped on and dragged into a warehouse in the middle of nowhere faced with the most terrifying man he had ever met and remembered. Alistair offered him condolences over his dead father and acted like he cared, like he knew how Dean was feeling, and he knew the want for revenge and safety for his family.

"Times must be hard with no daddy, Dean, I can help with that" he said softly. "Work for me and I'll make sure that little family will never be hurt again and money? You'll be rolling in it"

Dean knew he should say no and run for the hills but Alistair was right about times being hard and with Mary struggling with her own grief and hours at the supermarket being rough, the landlord of the house being an asshole, and Sam's dreams of college slowly disappearing it spurred his answer.

"Yes" he said in defeat. Dean hated who he was and what he had become but he was stuck dealing drugs on Alistair's behalf to people who were meant to live in nightmares. Dean lied to Mary and Sam about a new job he had got doing jobs around the town, cleaning, helping little old ladies, and the usual crap. Mary believed because she had to but it didn't stop her concern. Sam didn't and wouldn't believe it was all rainbows and glitter until he got the truth despite Dean's stubbornness to keep him out.

The only people who knew about his job was Adam and Az. Az only knew because he was also one of Alistairs little henchmen. Adam had discovered his little secret when he let it slip during a drunken night out and he wanted in. Jo despite being his closest friend didn't know the real truth and only knew of a secret job he had despite her protests.

Dean parked the car and breathed out collecting his bag and walking towards the school.

"Seven more months" he muttered heading to the door and felt the dare creep up on him. Dean closed his eyes leaning against the door and rubbed his temples knowing this was going to be a difficult one when he hated him so much…didn't he?

Dean shook the thought away and straightened up looking down the long corridor.

"Headache?" Jo said coming out of nowhere startling him and chuckling when he shoved her shoulder.

"No, just tired"

"Why?"

"I couldn't sleep" he murmured walking down the corridor.

"Should have called me" Jo said linking his arm.

Dean threw her a smile finding his locker and shoved his bag inside. His eyes went down the corridor to see Castiel at his locket typing on his cell phone wearing a long sleeved navy top covered with a white cardigan. Dean bit his lip contemplating and slammed it shut looking to Jo who watched him walk over to Castiel.

"What are you doing?" she hissed in surprise.

Dean held a hand up to her approaching the door and closed it shut startling him out of his daze. Castiel scowled reopening it and glaring at him.

"What do you want, Dean?" he muttered pocketing his cell.

"Well we're working on this paper together aren't we?"

"Regrettably, yes"

"So we have to work together and by working together we also have to communicate well" he said slowly and frowned at the own words escaping his lips.

Castiel stared at him baffled and closed the locker sharply.

"You're lying"

"Am I?"

"Yes you are" Castiel said eyeing him carefully. "What do you really want?"

"A truce" he said slowly. "For now"

Castiel laughed astonished. "You can't be serious"

"Deadly as a heart attack" he said with narrowed eyes. "I'm not fighting through this, Cas, I need this mark just as much as you do! You think you're the only one who wants to go to college? I'm no drop out"

Castiel sobered up at that fact and looked around him seeing students pass by chattering and back to him.

"You want a truce? You hate me, Dean; you hate me so much you won't even tell me why! You shove me around, you call me names, you treat me like I'm something you stepped in and want rid of like the cruel, malicious, little bully you are" Castiel hissed turning around and pulling his cardigan and top up to show him the bruise. Dean stared at it shocked and looked up into the shadowed blue eyes staring into his.

"You don't think do you? You never, ever, think of your actions, Dean, and now I'm holding the bruise you're actions have caused. You can go to hell and ask for your truce then and I'll still say no" he said in a hard voice.

"I'm sorry, Cas" he said when he went to walk away.

Castiel looked back to him with wide eyes before stepping back.

"You never say sorry"

"I am now"

"Why?"

"I bruised your back, Cas, I didn't want that"

"What were you expecting?" Castiel exclaimed looking over to Jo still watching them. "You shoved me into a brick wall"

"I'm sorry" Dean said in what he hoped was a genuine tone.

"Yeah I'm sure you are, Dean, because you are such an apologetic person aren't you?"

"I'm trying to say sorry here!"

"Little too late, Dean" Castiel hissed shoving past him and down the corridor.

Dean closed his eyes looking over his shoulder to his retreating figure and to Jo who came over gesturing her hands.

"What the hell was that?"

"That was a mess" Dean said raking a hand into his hair.

"But why were you apologising?"

"Because I had to, Jo" he said looking up at the ringing bell and moving to English. Castiel sat down at the desk with a set jaw ignoring Dean who sat in his own chair. Dean sighed softly placing his pen and script in front of him and looked out of the window seeing the start of a rainfall.

Castiel was lost in his thoughts when Dean slid over a note.

**Sorry. **

His eyes flicked over to Dean who chewed on his pen listening to Mr Shurley attempting to describe Romeo's character.

**No. **

Dean looked down at the note passed back to him and smirked amused.

**I'm so, so, so, so, sorry, Cas. Seriously, I never meant to bruise your back. **

Castiel looked at the note not trusting him for a single second and simply crumbled the letter throwing it back towards him. Dean caught it letting it rest in his hand before letting it drop from his hand with a sigh. Castiel's eyes unwillingly looked at him from the corner of his eye to see Dean look out of the window.

The silence between them was uncomfortable and it didn't help that they were only fifteen minutes into the lesson and had another hour to go. Castiel sat back not realising his sleeves had ridden up slightly giving Dean the perfect opportunity to glance over in time to see the deep scar. His eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth when Castiel noticed tucking his arms close to him glaring at Dean.

Dean was the first to look away from their staring contest feeling his mind whir at what he had just saw and he wasn't sure he was prepared to learn the truth. He knew now that the Castiel he knew wasn't the complete picture.

Castiel moved further away from Dean till he was on the edge and refused to meet his gaze. The question hung heavy in the air but it would never be asked or even answered. It wasn't the time…yet.

**A/N: It would seem this is a good idea then! Wow! Thank you for the response for the first chapter! **

**So…this is a little bit more insight to their lives. It will be gone into and will all be explained in future chapters if you are confused or don't understand. If you are confused, message me! I'll give you my point of view. **

**Please review! **


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel knew Dean wouldn't stop apologising and he didn't His hand reached up tugging down the post it note on his locker with two words.

_**I'm sorry. **_

They had been everywhere throughout the last three days. In his books, on his back, on signs which Dean held up when he passed, he wouldn't stop apologising to him. Castiel looked around to see if he was anywhere around and spotted him out of the doors with a cigarette staring up at the sky. He walked towards him and shoved a junior out of the way to get to him.

"Why won't you stop this?" he hissed shoving the post it note into his chest and standing back. Dean eyed him carefully taking a drag and exhaling into the air.

"Apologising?"

"Yes!"

"Because you won't accept it, Cas, and I need you to accept my apology"

"Why?"

"Call it a hit to the head?"

"I call it you being weird and suspiciously nice over the past few days!" Castiel cried shaking his head. Dean sighed taking his final drag and dropping it on the ground stamping on it hard.

"You want to know the real reason?"

"Yes"

"I'm sorry I shoved you into that wall, Cas, I didn't mean to bruise your back and…I'm also sorry for the past three years because I am the biggest jerk in the world…and I realised this when Jo gave me this look, this same look she _always _gives me, and I knew I was being a child" Dean said meeting his eyes. "Then we partnered together and I…I just want to say I'm sorry and hopefully put things right"

Castiel swallowed hard not trusting him for a single second and watched him bend down to pick up the crumbled post it note. Dean straightened it out moving into his personal space. Castiel's breath hitched and his heart went into overtime as he looked up into the jade green eyes seeing the conflict dwelling deep inside of them and the dusting of freckles on his nose.

"I'm sorry" he said placing it on his forehead. Castiel gave him a small frown pulling it off and staring at the black ink imprinting itself on to his brain.

"You want my acceptance?"

"Kinda"

"Then you do this" he hissed moving forward so they were staring into each other's eyes. "No more pushing me, no more calling me hateful names, no nothing, Dean, and I may start to even consider accepting that apology. Three years doesn't just go away because you realised what you are"

"Okay" Dean said softly.

"You're a wonder" Castiel breathed stepping back and looking around the front of school to see clusters of people whispering and looking over to them. "I don't trust you, not one little bit"

"I don't expect you to trust me" Dean said pulling out a slip of paper. "My number, we'll need to contact each other over this stupid paper anyway"

"Oh" he murmured staring at the cell number in surprise. The bell went signalling first lesson and Dean gestured his hand.

"English first, partner" he said in a soft voice. Castiel opened his mouth to reply but simply closed it walking back into the building. Dean followed after him feeling his skin prickle in nerves and worry; he hated Az more than anything in the world right now. Dean knew he would want the real truth one day, Castiel would want to know why he hated him so much and could he really tell him the real truth?

Head turned when they walked in together and gaped in shock. Castiel looked back to Dean who winked at him carefully and they strolled inside sitting at their desk together and Dean fought back his laughter.

"I feel like a show and tell when I walk anywhere or even talk with _you"_ Castiel hissed throwing his script on the table. Dean raised an eyebrow pulling out his own.

"Seven more months and we're out of here…what are you going to do?" Dean said interested. Castiel blinked and shrugged his shoulder.

"College hopefully"

"Doing what?"

"Psychology" Castiel said honestly and looked over to him. "What about you? You said you weren't a high school dropout"

"I'm not…I don't actually know" Dean replied with a puff of laughter. "I need to support my family since my dad…well, he's gone, and I need to keep Sam kicking and he wants to go to Stanford"

Castiel held in his surprise that was bubbling up in anticipation at the knowledge that this was the first time that Dean had been so openly honest and held a conversation with him.

"I'd love to go to college" Dean muttered wistfully. "I guess I'll be stuck here"

"Do you expect me to feel sorry for you?"

"No"

"Well good because I don't" Castiel snapped looking away from him.

Dean licked his bottom lip flicking open the first page reading the few lines and growing bored already. He wasn't particularly fond of Literature and never had been. Who cared about a play a dead dude wrote hundreds of years go? Dean certainly didn't.

"This sucks" Dean breathed dropping his head on the desk. "Juliet, do you fancy writing this all for me?"

"Why are you calling me, Juliet?"

"You're now the Juliet to my Romeo" Dean teased and laughed softly when Castiel let out a snort of disapproval.

"I am nothing of the kind"

"You've broken my heart, Juliet; do I have to get poison?"

"Yes but not on my account"

Dean mock gasped covering his heart. "You wish me dead, beloved?"

"Shut up, Dean" he muttered flicking through the pages.

"Oh my sweet love" Dean exclaimed pressing a hand to his forehead. "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"

"That's Sonnet 18, Dean" Castiel replied with a puff of laughter.

"Is it?" Dean said and covered his mouth. "Have I offended my love?"

"You're being ridiculous" he hissed looking around the people sneaking glances over at them. Dean grinned removing his hand.

"I have offended my love; shall I get on my knees to seek your forgiveness? It's pleasurable for the both of us" he whispered eyes going down to his crotch. Castiel covered it with his hand shaking his head his lips twitching in amusement.

"Shut up" he said in a stern voice instead.

"We'll go down as the most epic and tragic love story of all time you know" Dean purred into his ear. Castiel ignored him the best he could and glanced his way when he moved away with a small chuckle.

Becky leaned over throwing a paper ball at Jo who turned looking over to her confused.

"Have you seen them two?" she hissed pointing a finger over to Castiel who was intently staring at his script and Dean muttering something low and laughing. "Is that fighting or…"

Jo glanced over to them and shrugged. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see"

"Do you have any family, Cas?"

"Two brothers and one sister"

"Seriously?"

"Yes" Castiel replied slowly. "I never see my sister anymore though…"

Dean pressed his lips together feeling the question on his lips but figured it was way too soon to ask. Silence fell between them till Castiel drew back with a deep breath.

"Is Sam your brother?"

"Yep, my little brother, he's 13 now and…the cleverest dude going" Dean said proudly.

Castiel hummed softly jotting down notes on his pad leaving Dean to his thoughts. Dean looked over to his wrists covered by a navy blue sweater and he tapped his fingers thoughtfully. Dean would never suspect Castiel to be a cutter but in all honesty he hardly knew the guy and even though he hated him, a small part of him wanted to know every little detail about him down to his favourite colour.

"This has to be the most depressing story ever! I mean, get real…so the girl dies doesn't mean you have too and then she stabs herself" Dean ranted with a deep scowl. "It's a tragedy to be even written"

"Do you ever shut up?"

"Nope" Dean said with a grin looking over to him. "You do realise you're stuck with me which means we're stuck together…like Siamese twins"

"That is a terrifying thought" Castiel muttered raising his eyes to the ceiling.

"It's reality" Dean sang drumming gently on the desk. "I need another smoke"

"You're going to get lung cancer"

"You only live once"

"That we know of"

"Do you believe in reincarnation?" Dean said stealing Castiel's pen and pretending to drum on the desk humming a song underneath his breath. Castiel watched him baffled and shook his head.

"I don't know what happens after death but I hope it's not just nothing"

"What if it is? What if it's nothing but endless darkness where you relive your life" Dean said with a tilt to his head. "One life and one life only…do you think you're living it?"

"Do you?"

"No" Dean said honestly shaking his head. "I don't think I'm doing a very good job…I'm not a nice person, Cas, and you know this better than anyone"

"You're right there" Castiel agreed. "You don't seem to have any redeeming qualities"

"And you do princess?" Dean said with a scoff.

"You hardly know me at all, Dean" Castiel argued back stealing back his pen. "We're like two strangers"

"Not really"

"When I was born?"

"2nd June" Dean answered back with a small smile.

Castiel blinked and nodded. "Yes, how did you…yours is 24th January"

"Clever boy" Dean replied with a soft smile.

Castiel looked away with narrowed eyes leaving Dean to stare at the side of his face.

"I'm trying…but it's only going to work if you try with me"

"Why the hell should I?"

"Peace and good will" Dean said with a roll of his eyes. "I don't deserve it, I know I don't but you could at least try"

"I gave you my terms before, Dean"

"Is this a contract deal now? Hold on, let me get my pen!" Dean exclaimed sarcastically.

"You're an asshole"

"Right back at you baby" he murmured with a glare.

"Oh look! You broke it already!"

"You called me it first!" Dean protested pointing a finger at him. "I didn't actually call you a name"

Castiel breathed deeply looking away from him. "I don't even know why you fucking bother"

"I'm trying to do the right thing"

Castiel scoffed in disgust turning away to ignore him completely. Dean closed his eyes feeling like he was getting through slowly but always ending up hitting a brick wall. Castiel was seething and feeling like a sophomore all over again when it was all childish tricks.

It was silence between them for a long time as they answered questions, wrote down notes, and listened to extracts being read. Castiel dared a look over to Dean who was leaning on his hand staring out of the window lost in a daydream. His eyes travelled over him for a long moment till Dean sensed he was being watched and turned to meet his gaze before it dropped. Dean smirked softly when his eyes dropped and his cheeks flooded a virgin pink.

The wall was dropping slowly and surely.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Dean returned home with Sam in tow watching him run upstairs shouting about needing the laptop and talking to his new friend. Dean smiled softly with affection watching him and dropped his keys on the side feeling the day starting to take its toll. He was about to go upstairs himself when he heard soft singing from the living room. His feet took him towards the living room to see Mary dressed in her cleaning clothes and scrubbing around the living room.

"_May there always be angels to watch over you to guide you each step of the way, to guard you and keep you safe from all harm. Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay._

_May you bring love and may you bring happiness, be loved in return to the end of your days. Now fall off to sleep, I'm not meaning to keep you…"_ she sang softly and Dean instantly remembered the soft lullaby she sang every single night to both him and Sam.

"I remember that" Dean said interrupting her.

"I sang it every night for you" she said looking up and dusting the photos on the nightstand. "You would clutch that blue teddy bear to your chest and wrap your hand around mine till you drifted off" Mary said with a small smile.

Dean laughed softly walking over to join her and looked at the photo of the four of them standing outside. Dean clinging to John's leg with Mary at his side holding a crying baby, Sam.

"I miss him so much…he would have been so proud of you, Dean, and of course, Sam" she said stroking a finger over the picture and placing it down. Dean looked down hating to disagree but he knew without a doubt that his dad wouldn't be proud of what he was secretly doing.

"Yeah, maybe" he said wrapping his arms around her hugging her tight. Mary clung to him and pulled back brow furrowing in concern.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine, I just wanted a hug from my mom" he said when she cupped his cheeks.

"My little angel" she murmured softly and pulled away. "Burgers for tea"

"You're amazing" he said when she laughed walking back into the kitchen. Dean looked over to the photos staring into his dads smiling face knowing the secret hiding underneath those falsely happy eyes staring back.

"You wouldn't be proud would you dad?" he whispered stepping back and moving upstairs. He stripped off his clothing in the bathroom and switched on the shower sighing in relief when the warm water beat down on him. His head tipped back and he moaned at how good it felt. Dean knew in a few hours he would get a call from Alistair like he always did to sort the money, do a deal, or even worse of all sit in on his torturing lessons. Dean hated them more than anything in the world, even more than Alistair. Alistair was a brutal, careless, and cruel man when he didn't get what he wanted and he tore into his victims like they were sacks of meat. Dean often found himself shaking and vomiting in the back to get rid of the stench of blood penetrating the air and desperately trying to get rid of the screams echoing in his skull.

His eyes opened and he touched his cheek feeling warm tracks from his tears and he fell back sliding down the cold tiles till he was sat in the bath, head buried in his arms, and crying softly underneath the warm heat. It was one thing after the other and now he had a dare to get rid of a certain someone's virginity in less than three months. Dean felt the cold wave of guilt strike his heart and he exhaled hearing a small whimper escape his lips.

"I'm going to hell" he whispered placing his cheek on his wrist and sniffing deeply. He stayed under the water till his skin was sore and red from the heat and he groaned standing up and switching off the water. Dean could smell the burgers cooking downstairs and smiled loving his mom more and more every day. He changed into a soft t-shirt and joggers and was about to go downstairs when he saw his phone flashing, the number was unknown and he instantly knew who it was.

**This is Castiel. I think we need to meet at weekends. **

Dean grinned typing a quick message back.

**Sounds like a great idea. Where? D.**

**Library in town, no objections. It's easier to research and it means no talking from you. C.**

**Liar, you love it when I talk and you know it. Fine, library it is. **

**I don't, Dean, you are an irritating man. C.**

**Love you too. D.**

Castiel didn't reply after that and Dean laughed softly chucking the phone on the bed before stopping himself when he realised. Wasn't he supposed to hate the idiot with everything he had? He did swear to loathe the freak for all eternity and now he was getting excited about meetings in the library. Dean shuddered shaking his head and keeping a firm head on as he went down downstairs to hear Sam talking excitedly about the new girl in his class who liked him and gave him her number and email address.

His one and only worry would always be his family. Nothing else mattered compared to them and he would destroy the world before any harm came towards them again. No one else was dying on his watch.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel's dreams were becoming more and more frequent as they came and he dreamt of his childhood once again.

Castiel was eight years old when he touched a blade. His father had come home drunk from work ranting and raving till he found Castiel in the kitchen making a sandwich.

"What are you doing?" he hissed moving towards him. Castiel hovered holding a knife over his sandwich struck with fear and shook his head.

"I was…I was just hungry dad" he whispered.

Matthew glared at him with bloodshot eyes before stumbling towards him and yanking the knife away slashing Castiel's hand. Castiel cried out clutching his cut hand staring at his father who sneered grabbing the sandwich.

"Are you hungry?" he whispered grabbing the sandwich and shoving his face into it. Castiel cried out struggling against his strong grip as it crumbled and mushed into his face till it dropped from his face in bits leaving bread, ham and butter on his face.

"Eat it now then" he hissed shoving him away and stumbling out of the room. Tears streaked down his face and he stared down at the blood pooling in his hand not understanding why his own father hated him so much. The knife lay on the side covered in his own blood and he grabbed the plastic handle pressing the cold metal into his arm and slashed hard crying out at the sudden pain and feeling it explode all over him knocking away every bad feeling till all was left was pain. Castiel watched the blood slide down his arm and wrist till it was dripping on the floor. It was when the door went and he heard Anna's voice was when he panicked running it under the cold water and hiding his wrist underneath his jacket.

"Castiel?" Anna questioned walking in and running over. "Oh my god…why are you covered in bread and…it was dad wasn't it?"

Castiel nodded looking down at the floor leaving Anna to close her eyes in despair and looked over to the door with hatred in her eyes.

"Come on, we'll go run you a bath" she said holding out her hand. Castiel clung to it and stuck by her side as they walked upstairs to the bathroom. The pain remained in his arm and he pushed Anna out when it was time so he could stare at his bloody cut on his own. Castiel washed the blood away and grabbed the medical kit getting the plasters out.

Tears carried on running down his cheeks and he stayed still in the water letting them run down his cheeks till he was cried out and nothing but a numb shell.

In reality, Castiel woke up drenched in cold sweat and shaking. His eyes found the alarm clock at his side telling him it was 3.54am and he sighed deeply. It was always a painful ache in his chest when he remembered back and he longed to just forget. Whoever said childhood was the best time of their lives was a liar. Castiel didn't know what childhood was and never would thanks to his father and all he wanted to do now was live his life. His thoughts drifted to Dean and he sighed deeply wondering what his motives were. How could someone be so cruel as usual and then change in a heartbeat seeking forgiveness and wanting to put all the wrong back to right? Castiel didn't understand and didn't think he would until the truth came out and in all honestly he couldn't bloody wait.

**A/N: Sorry for slow updates. I'm trying to pace myself! **

**Thank you for all the feedback! Review as usual.**


	4. Chapter 4

"Two months and three weeks, Dean" Az said softly jostling him out of his daydream. Dean scowled deeply turning to glare at him as he passed and stared at him.

"Is the delicate flower giving you the attention yet?"

"Piss off, Az, before I make you" he snarled turning to walk away.

"You know what happens if I you don't actually do it, don't you? That beautiful car is all mine for four whole months and well…I have big plans for her" he said clapping his hands together once.

"You are not having my car, she is mine, not yours" he hissed shoving his shoulder hard. "Back off, Az"

Az stared at him with hard fake yellow eyes till he walked away and heaved a sigh turning on his heel and walking away. Dean rounded the corner walking over to Jo and Adam talking deeply in the corner.

"Mothers meeting I wasn't aware of?" he said interrupting them. Jo started looking over to him and giving him a deep frown.

"No…no, it's fine isn't it, Adam?" she said in a stern voice. Adam glared at her before stalking away from them both. Dean looked between them confused only for Jo to wave a hand with her own little shrug.

"How are you this fine Friday?"

"Glad this week is nearly over" Dean muttered eyes finding Castiel laughing and talking with Balthazar and Becky. Jo followed his gaze and sighed poking him hard in the arm.

"What's gotten into you lately?"

"Nothing"

"I know I keep asking this but I don't get it! You have hated him for so long and now you want to be friends with him?" Jo exclaimed looking over to Castiel. "I don't understand what's happening…three years I've watched you hate the guy and yeah…I think it's stupid and childish but what could have possibly happened for you to change your mind?"

"You wouldn't understand"

"Make me, Dean, because I need to understand here"

"You said it should die and now…so it's dying"

"You…you're taking my advice?" Jo replied astonished.

"I'm in my senior year, Jo, and I hurt him, bad, he has a bruise on his fucking back because I shoved him into a wall in an outburst of anger" Dean said shaking his head and shoving his hands into his pockets. "I'm trying to put things right"

"So you don't hate him anymore?"

"Well…I don't know how I feel just yet"

"You're so complicated" Jo whispered squeezing her bridge and looking over to Castiel laughing at something Balthazar was whispering into his ear. Castiel looked up into Balthazar's eyes with a secret smile and nodded.

"They'd make a cute couple wouldn't they?" Jo said folding their arms over.

Dean looked over to them and frowned shaking his head. "They're friends"

"Yeah I know that, dumbo, but look at them" she said with a small smile. "Balthazar has always had a little crush on him and well Castiel…I have no idea how he feels but I think a quick shove in the right direction…"

Dean felt an ache swell up inside him at her words, it was foreign and unusual. The thought of the two them all over each like acting like a smug married couple stirred nausea deep in his gut and he looked away with a twist to the mouth.

"I don't see it at all" he snapped bringing the strap of his bah higher on his shoulder.

"You're not…jealous, are you?"

"No!" he protested bringing out a cigarette and turning his back to the wind as he lit it. "I just don't see it!"

"Whatever, I'm going the library" she said tapping his cheek as she went by. Dean inhaled deeply eyes sliding over to Castiel who looked up at the right moment meeting his eye line. Castiel swallowed looking away and down at his hands instead feeling a flutter of something unmanageable in his stomach.

"What's up?"

"Nothing, I'm fine" Castiel answered Balthazar who peered into his eyes.

"Is Dean treating you okay?"

"Suspiciously okay"

Balthazar hummed in disapproval not noticing the annoyed look directed at him from Castiel.

"You fuss too much over me"

"You're my best friend"

"And you're mine but you don't see me asking twenty question over your wellbeing" he said stroking a hand into the dirty blonde hair and smiling. "I'm okay, I'm always okay, and I can handle Dean…I've always been able to handle Dean Winchester"

Balthazar smiled softly catching his hand and kissing his knuckle gently. "Fine"

Castiel removed his hand chuckling and looked over to Dean who was now moodily stubbing his cigarette out with his foot and storming off in what seemed to be a bad mood. Castiel narrowed his eye curious and scooped up his bag.

"I'll be right back" he murmured waving to Becky who was bobbing along to her music in her own little world. Castiel hurried down the hill wandering after Dean who was now in the corridor rooting through his locker.

"Hello, Dean" Castiel said startling him.

"Jesus" he hissed slamming it shut and looking over to him. "You just appear out of nowhere don't you?"

"I did say hello" Castiel said with a shrug.

Dean rolled his eyes leaning back against the metal folding his arms.

"How can I help you?" he said in a formal tone.

"Funny, I wanted to arrange a time for tomorrow"

Dean chuckled with a nod. "Our little date"

"It's not a date, Dean; it's studying for this paper"

Dean's eyes travelled over him taking in every little detail from the mop of dark brown hair curled around his ears and messy today, his eyes cautious but curious and the most amazing blue, he was currently wearing a patterned jumper that made Dean cringe a little but the tight jeans he wore with it improved it a lot.

"Stop doing that" Castiel snapped at him.

Dean looked into his eyes innocently. "Doing what?"

"That! Staring at me and…undressing me with your eyes"

"Anything you wish if it gets you out of that awful jumper"

Castiel rolled his eyes annoyed and looked down at the jumper. "It was a present"

"I would advise you take it off and you burn it"

"I'd like to burn you"

Dean cooed at him with a chuckle straightening. "I love that pillow talk baby"

"Dean, shut up and be serious"

"12.30 tomorrow" Dean questioned exasperated now and smiled softly when Castiel nodded in agreement.

"That sounds okay"

"Good, bring the wine" Dean said with a wink moving down the corridor.

"Did I just hear that correctly?" a feminine voice said and he turned to see Ruby walking down looking shocked and amused. "Well, well, well, I never thought I'd see this day coming so soon"

"Go away, Ruby"

"Dean Winchester of all people…we all knew you'd be fucking sooner or later" she said with a smirk. "I bet you are a little tiger in bed aren't you? It's the quiet ones you have to look out for but yet…you're still a little virgin aren't you?"

Castiel blushed moving away quickly leaving Ruby to laugh loudly in the hallway. He rounded the corner heading straight towards the library and marched in breathing in the smell of books and stale pages. Castiel had always loved the library, it was solitude and rarely anyone disturbed him in here. He went to find a seat and a book to read while he was on his free. He was about to sit down when he felt a kick to his foot and saw Jo drop down in the opposite seat.

"Jo" he said surprised.

"Hey" she said with a small smile. "How are you?"

"I'm good…why are you here?"

"Peace and quiet, like you" Jo said closing the book she was holding onto her lap and giving him a hint of a smile. "How are you and Dean now?"

"Everyone keeps talking like we're in a relationship!" Castiel said with a groan burying his head into his hands. "I have no idea what's happening and I'm taking it day by day because I have to"

"Hey! It was just a question and I know it must be weird for you like it's weird for everyone else"

"Has he said anything at all that's suspicious?"

"Not really" Jo said with a soft shake of her head. "It seems like he wants…a fresh new start, a legit fresh new start so just go along with it maybe? I know he's given you a rough time, Cas, I've seen it and he's finally listening to my advice, I hope, but…you don't really know him do you? You don't know what he's been through"

"Neither does he about me"

"That's a good thing, you can get to know each other and hopefully this stupid little hate crime can disappear for good" Jo said with a hint of smile.

"If only things were simple"

"They are! It's us lot that makes things more difficult. There is an answer and sometimes a solution for everything and this, this is one of them"

Castiel watched her stand up and saunter off back to her seat leaving Castiel with his thoughts. His hands went down to his wrist and he slipped the cuff down looking at the closest faded scar on his arm tracing over it. He would never tell anyone about his burden and it left a weight on his shoulders he would carry for the rest of his life. Everyone has either a bad or a good childhood and his was one of the bad ones. Castiel wondered if Dean had a good or a bad one or even none at all. He guessed he would have to wait and see.

_**~0~0~0~**_

"You're studying on a Saturday?" Sam said astonished watching him grab his books and bag.

"Yep"

"It's a Saturday, Dean"

"Well done, Einstein" Dean cried shoving him gently out of the way.

"You're practically forced to do your essays! Is it a girl?" Sam said following after him. "You're actually scaring me"

"Oh piss off!" Dean said looking over his shoulder to him. "It's a paper that needs doing with…a guy"

"With a guy"

"Yep"

"Who?"

"Cas"

Sam blinked confused shaking his head when it dawned on him. "Castiel Milton!"

"Yes!"

"Why?"

"We were partnered together in literature squirt" Dean explained grabbing his car keys. "Mom will be back at three so no looking at my porn, stealing my pay for view, and inviting girls around for sex"

"Ew! Dean!" Sam cried covering his ears and running upstairs. Dean chuckled shutting the front door and setting off to his car as he drove away to the local library and prayed he was there. Castiel was buried in a book when the chair was scraped back and he looked up into startling green eyes burning in disapproval and something unknown in his eyes.

"Why am I here?"

"Studying" Castiel said sitting back to look over him.

Dean rolled his eyes plonking his bag down on the table and groaning. "Cas, I'm bored already! Let's skip and go have fun"

Castiel rolled his eyes shoving the book into his direction. "If I'm going to have fun…it isn't going to be with you"

"Spoilsport" Dean growled pressing his cheek into his palm and looking down at the words. Castiel read books on Romeo and Juliet seeing different opinions and extracts from people. Dean sighed deeply rubbing his temples and looking around with pursued lips checking out the women and men with a cocked head.

"Oh that's a good ass…I could bite it" Dean murmured looking over to the guy leaning over and looked over to Castiel who seemed to be ignoring him but a faint blush indicated otherwise. "I do love a guy with a good ass…guys who wear tight fitting jeans that show off everything"

"Go get him then" Castiel snapped glancing up at him.

"Nah, not my type" Dean said flicking through the pages really fast. "This is so boring"

"Go then!" Castiel cried annoyed. "Go get your guy and fuck him!"

Dean's eyes widened and he sat back in his chair watching him scrape back his chair and storm off. He waited shoving the book up and followed after him till he found him in the other end of the library buried in a book.

"Do you accept my most humble apologies, Castiel?" Dean cried sitting down next to him and smirking when he turned away from him. "Silent treatment? Okay, I'll just have to talk to myself then"

Castiel clenched his jaw shut ignoring him the best he could.

"Oh look at this, we're in a very secluded part of the library" Dean whispered into his ear. "I can think of something else we could be doing…a lot more fun…pleasurable…and we'd have to keep the noise down a lot"

"Stop it" Castiel hissed turning towards him abruptly coming nose to nose with him. Dean raised an eyebrow at him when he inhaled shocked backing up. "If you don't want to be here then leave"

"I don't want to be anywhere else" Dean murmured leaning in the chair next to him and pulling his book into his lap. Castiel eyed him with a deep frown.

"So come on, Cas, tell me a bit about yourself"

"Oh now you want to know me" Castiel replied with a scoff. "Three years in school together, you hate me for some unknown reason, and now you want to get to know me"

"Wow" Dean breathed with wide eyes. "Just starting up a conversation, Cas"

Castiel swallowed knowing he sounded like a complete jerk and leaned back into his seat looking over at him.

"I live with my second oldest brother, Gabriel, in an apartment about twenty minutes away because I have no parents. My oldest brother, Michael, lives in France and my sister, Anna, is in Los Angeles modelling" he said softly.

Dean turned towards him surprised. "You have no parents?"

"No, my mother died in childbirth and my father is missing"

"Oh shit…I'm sorry"

"It happened a long time ago" he said flicking the pages over. "What about you?"

"I live with my mom and little brother, Sam, and my dad…he died when I was in middle school. He was murdered and his killer was never found" Dean said staring off at the bookcase. "I found the body but I just thought he fell unconscious on the floor and knocked himself out, I'll never forget my mom's screams for help and he…he been dead for hours and I remember hearing noises in the night but thinking nothing of it"

Castiel inhaled sharply and exhaled it feeling a little sick and wanted to comfort him but felt awkward doing so.

"I'm so sorry" he murmured closing the book over. "I don't know what to say"

"Say nothing, Cas, like you said it happened a long time for me too" Dean replied meeting his eyes. "Bit of a morbid conversation"

"Just a little" he said with a small chuckle. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot"

"Why now? It's so sudden and so unexpected from you…I expected months of hate for me before leaving and never looking back to see your stupid face"

Dean mock gasped shoving his shoulder gently with his own.

"I'm serious, Dean, and I would also the reason why you hate me so much"

Dean rolled his eyes straightening up. "What's with the 3rd degree?"

"Curiosity and I deserve the right to know!" he protested.

"I thought we were studying"

"Why are _you _avoiding the question?"

"I'm not!" Dean argued throwing the book aside. "I just…I don't know how to explain"

"Well start explaining"

Dean slid his tongue over his teeth glancing over to him. "Fancy getting a soda?"

"What?"

"I'm thirsty and hungry now, so come on" he said shoving his book into his bag. Castiel followed after him confused as they walked out together and he looked at the Impala in shock.

"Your car is beautiful"

"Thanks" Dean responded with a grin sliding into the driver's seat closely followed by Castiel who got in and looked around the interior.

"Is this your car?"

"Yeah and no, it was my dad's and since he's dead now I took over" Dean said starting her up and driving her away from the library. Castiel felt confused and a teeny bit excited over what was happening when Dean parked outside a local shop.

"Five minutes" he said jumping out and leaving him in the car. Castiel watched him baffled and didn't know what to say or even think. It was overwhelming and most of all confusing about the way he was behaving now.

Dean returned with a brown bag looking happy and content as he slid in.

"Hot dog?" he said innocently.

"No"

"Chocolate?"

"I hate chocolate"

Dean straightened up shocked staring at him with an open mouth. "What?"

"I hate…chocolate"

"Why?"

"It's never agreed with me, I'll only eat it if I am seriously hungry and there's no food. You're not the only one…my brother is actually mad that I don't like chocolate"

"You're not normal" Dean said with a shake of his head biting into the greasy food. Castiel hid a smile looking down at his lap and looked up at the greyish clouds starting to form over Lawrence.

"Where are we going now?"

"Park?"

"Why not" Castiel murmured holding out his hand for his soda. Dean blinked in surprise and nodded starting her up.

The drive was short as they headed into a small car park surrounded by trees. Castiel stepped out slamming the door behind him and leaned against the door with folded arms. Dean's eyes narrowed slightly as he got out and looked over the top of the car towards the back of his head.

"What's up, princess?"

"Why won't you tell me the real reason why you hate me so much and now all of the sudden want to be my best mate?"

"I already told you!"

"No, no you didn't, Dean, you avoided the question like you always do! It's like you're afraid"

"I'm not afraid of anything" he growled low.

Castiel snorted amused shaking his head slowly. "Everyone is afraid of something, Dean, and you're afraid of something…maybe the truth? I asked a question and you can't give me the answer"

"Well I'm not! I'm not afraid of anything and I'm not afraid of you!"

"I didn't ask if you were afraid of _me, _Dean, I asked why you hate me so much and why all of the sudden you want my forgiveness, you want to spend time with me, and now even buying me food when one week ago you were shoving me into walls and saying I'm nothing like a cruel bully"

Dean felt tight and held in all over and turned away from Castiel looking out at the wilderness instead. His lungs and heart hurt as he held in the air and his heart beat furiously against his ribcage. Castiel scowled walking over and tugging his car keys out of his hand hiding them behind from his back.

"What are you doing?"

"Using force, tell me, Dean"

"Give them back!"

"Tell me!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't understand, no one would understand" he shouted. "I hardly understand myself, Cas, but all I know is that I'm taking it all back, every single thing, I'm a horrible person, I've always been a horrible person"

Castiel stared into his ferocious green eyes as they advanced on him and he pulled his arm back chucking them into trees. Dean gasped in horror and turned to look at him.

"What the fuck?"

"Maybe when you're hunting for your keys you can find the reason in that tiny little mind of yours"

Dean breathed out furiously turning towards him and advancing into his personal space so he backed Castiel against the car.

"What are you going to do now, Dean?" he hissed prepared for the punch, the insult, or whatever came next. Dean glanced down at the space between them and felt the fury inside him slowly ebb away resulting into nothing, he stared into his eyes for a long moment before he backed off without a word moving into the woods. Castiel stared after him stunned into silence himself and watched as Dean hunted around for the car keys. It felt like hours before he heard an ecstatic whoop and a dirty but tired Dean emerge out swinging his muddy car keys.

"You are truly a shit throw, Cas" he said unlocking the car and sliding into the car sear. "I'd offer a lift back but I'm exhausted and well…you could do with the walk back to think about what you did, Juliet"

Dean grinned slamming the door and starting her up. Castiel closed his eyes with a groan realising it was a long walk back to the apartment and watched Dean drive off with a screech of his wheels.

"Asshole" he muttered walking slowly up the hill and could feel his suspicions start to wane. Castiel still didn't trust him but it was slowly starting to fade into something more like trust which was the scariest feeling in the world for someone like him. He was surprised that Dean didn't lay into him for chucking the keys into the woods and even more that he still acted okay with him afterwards.

Dean ended up outside his house with a little buzz running through his veins. He didn't know quite yet if he liked or disliked the feeling but it made him smile. The dare hung over his head though making him feel uncomfortable and strange at the same time. The moment was ruined when a text came through and his smile faltered looking at the message.

**You're working tonight. 8pm sharp, Dean. No excuses. **

Dean felt the urge to chuck his phone out of the window but knew it would make no difference when they came looking for him. It was like a never ending mess just waiting for a clean-up but when it would was a whole other question.

**A/N: I want to get into the exciting stuff but I can't. It's so frustrating when you think ahead and you can't type it. **

**Anyway, enjoy, review, you know the score. **


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel hated Sundays more than anything. They were always a depressing day no matter what happened and he sighed throwing his head back on his pillow and spreading his legs wide open in the bed liking the cool feeling. His thoughts drifted back to Dean who had popped into his dreams often that night and he threw his hands back behind his head.

"Cas?" Gabriel called walking over to his closed door and rapping his fingers on the solid wood. "If you're wanking please stop because I'm coming in"

"Gabriel!" Castiel shouted with a glare when he walked in laughing and leaned against the door frame.

"It's nearly 11,Cas, and your lazy ass is still in this bed"

"I don't want to get up"

"Your phone has been out here and it keeps buzzing with messages" Gabriel said with a resigned sigh chucking it over. Castiel glanced at it surprised and looked up at Gabriel staring back at him.

"I'm getting up! Piss off, Gabriel"

"Charming as ever" Gabriel said with a snort walking back out and slamming the door behind him. Castiel brought it towards him looking down at the dozen of messages.

**8.43am - How is Juliet this morning? D.**

**8.56am - Ignoring me? I'm sorry for leaving you but you did chuck my baby's car keys into mud.**

**9.11am - CAS. TALK TO ME! **

**9.15am -Fine. I'll talk to myself. **

**9.21am - It's got boring, seriously, have I done something wrong or are you asleep? Shit. **

**10.23am – I was only wondering if you wanted to hang out today. Text or whatever. D. **

Castiel stared at the messages in shock feeling a flutter of butterflies erupt in his stomach and he fell back on his pillow smiling like a mad man. His fingers hovered over the buttons and he nodded texting back.

**You text far too early for a normal human, Dean, and yes I would like to "hang" out today. C. **

Castiel let his cell fall and he closed his eyes feeling giddy and lightheaded already. It was a strange feeling and one that he wasn't used to feeling with Dean Winchester of all people. His smile slipped into a puzzled frown and he was baffled how a week and a half can change someone and their perspectives. His feelings were all in a muddle over him and he couldn't decide whether to trust him, hate him, or just start to give in. On its own accord his heart skipped a little when his phone buzzed with a brand new message.

**You're just lazy. Apartment number? I'll pick you up. D.**

**It's a Sunday, Sundays are boring. 13A, how do you know where I live?**

**People talk and there are only one set of apartments nearby loser. I'll be there in an hour. D.**

Castiel ignored the insult and buried his head into his pillow with an exhale of surprised excitement. He kicked the covers off in a rush only to fall off with a yelp of surprise onto the hard floor. Gabriel rushed in looking at him strewn out on the floor and laughed openly.

"Dude what the hell?"

"I fell out of the bed, jackass" Castiel said with a scowl.

"You're kinda cute when you're scowling"

"Gabe?"

"Yeah"

"Get out now and close the door" he muttered picking himself up and groaning at the pain in his knee and arms from where he landed awkwardly. "Oh! I'm going out as well"

"Out? Out like into reality?"

"Yes" he said slowly moving away to his wardrobe. "I'm going out with…Dean"

"Dean Winchester?" Gabriel said shocked moving into the bedroom. "Why?"

"Because he asked me to hang out" he said with a nonchalant shrug.

"The guy who has bullied you for three years, Cas, and you're going to take a little stroll with him? I think that fall out of your bed has knocked out that common sense!"

"You told me to find out why he hates me and that's exactly what I'm doing! I want the truth and I'm going to get the truth – today"

"You think he'll give it?"

"I'll make him"

"With your womanly ways?"

"Get out!" Castiel cried chucking a shoe at him watching him dodge out of the way chuckling. Castiel peered into his wardrobe pulling out a long sleeved top and sighing deeply. He wished he could wear short sleeves but with the scars still on his arms he wouldn't dare. His fingers brushed across them and he jumped when he felt a poking on his back.

"You haven't done it recently have you?" Gabriel said grabbing his wrist and staring at the fading lines and scars on his wrist.

"No of course not" he replied softly taking his wrist away avoiding his eye contact.

"You would tell me if you ever felt that…urge, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, Gabe, and since I haven't felt it all year I think I'll be okay"

"If he hurts you…"

"I'll let you chop off his balls and hang them on our front door" Castiel said softly finishing his sentence.

"Exactly"

"I have faith"

"You're blind with it"

Castiel rolled his eyes shoving him out of the door and slamming it shut. He shoved on a bright yellow jumper smirking at the thought of Dean rolling and scoffing in disgust, he pulled on his tight jeans along with it and snatched up his phone walking out.

"You look like a little chick" Gabriel said with a puff of laughter. "You do this to torment us poor citizens don't you?"

"It's October!" Castiel protested sitting on the bar stool. "Where's mine?"

Gabriel looked down at the bacon and egg rolling his eyes as he chucked in another patch.

"How's the paper going?"

"Slow, I've written my piece but I don't know about Dean…I was hoping he could come round here and do it?"

"You can't be serious"

"You'll be out with…whatshername"

"Cindy" he said with a grin. "I've been there and I've done that"

"Why is everyone a whore and a slut?"

Gabriel laughed pushing the bacon around. "You're a virgin, little brother, just wait till you've had your first time…you'll understand"

Castiel's eyes narrowed and he moodily pulled the orange juice towards him.

"It still doesn't explain it"

"Shut up and eat your breakfast" Gabriel said with a small smile moving it towards him. Castiel ate it all up and turned when he heard the buzzer go.

"That's him" he said brushing his hands together and stopped with a frown. "I sound like an excited girlfriend"

"It's remarkable really, when did you grow a vagina?"

"Go away" he hissed moving to the phone picking it up. "I'll be right there"

"Use a condom!" Gabriel shouted as he slammed the door shut and moved down the corridor towards the front doors. His eyes found Dean leaning against his door looking into the distance looking tired and withdrawn.

Dean looked up when Castiel stepped outside and blinked.

"Oh Jesus, what the hell are you wearing?"

"Jumper" Castiel said walking down to him. "Problem?"

"You look like a duck!" Dean said covering his eyes. "There is something seriously wrong with you"

"No there isn't, I like my warmth and protection"

"Oh yeah? From what?"

Castiel swallowed looking away and back to him. "You look tired"

"I am, I only had a few hours' sleep…my job is tiring"

"Right" Castiel said with a nod of his head. "What are we going to do today then?"

"What do you fancy doing?"

"Anything that makes this Sunday a little more bearable"

"Promise not to throw my car keys into bushes?"

"I promise nothing"

Dean smirked softly moving off the car door and opening up. Castiel followed after rounding the car and sliding inside the car.

"Where are we going?"

"Out of this dump"

"Lawrence isn't a dump"

"Yes it is I can't wait to get out of here" Dean muttered tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. "Sort out my family first but…I'd really like to get out of here for good"

"Well maybe you can one day"

Dean hummed not taking his eyes off the road as they took a route and Castiel looked out of the passenger window twenty minutes later to see they were surrounded by trees.

"What are we doing here?" Castiel said with a frown stepping back and looking at Dean with mistrust in his eyes. Dean read them and slammed the door shut pushing his hands into his pockets with a shrug.

"Walk with a talk?" he said with a playful smile.

Castiel looked around the trees with narrowed eyes before looking back to Dean.

"In the middle of the woods"

"Cas, I swear I'm not going to kill you or something worse" Dean said with a roll of his eyes moving forward.

"Talk and walk?"

"Yep" Dean said with a nod waiting for him.

"Fine" he said moving ahead of him.

Dean raised an eyebrow amused following after him as they found a path and walked down it.

"Are you going to tell me the truth?"

"Why does it need to be said?"

"You're joking right? Of course I need to know, Dean, I've been waiting for this answer for three years" he said looking over to him. "I deserve an explanation for all these years and you owe me the right"

Dean closed his eyes with a sigh. "Okay, but only if you tell me something"

"What?" Castiel said staring across to him.

Dean stopped him grabbing his wrist and pulling the sleeve down quickly. Castiel inhaled sharply tugging it away and dragging it down.

"I saw it and I know you're a cutter…I want to know why"

"Why should I tell _you _something like that?" Castiel hissed marching away.

"Trade" Dean cried after him with a shrug. "Come on, Cas"

"Your hate for me is nothing, _nothing, _compared to this!" Castiel shouted back at him startling a nesting bird to screech and flap its wings to fly away.

"Do you want me to go first?" Dean said calmly looking behind him and sitting on a fallen tree ignoring the moss. The day was semi cold with the autumn leaves fluttering around them and the forest smelled of dirt and fire.

Castiel breathed out furiously and nodded gesturing at him.

"You know that feeling when someone dislikes someone else and you…obliged to hate them back because it's what a friend feels like they should do or when someone is rude and just a general bitch towards you and you hate that feeling, that itch to hate them" Dean said looking away from him staring up at the near enough bare tree. "It's there, it's always there, but sometimes you find something to like about them before your irritation and hate for them drives it out"

"What are you trying to say, Dean?"

"That from the moment I set eyes on you in our first lesson ever I hated you, I didn't know why but then I guess it was from irritation, jealously, and the fact you were so up your own bloody ass that you couldn't spare two seconds for me" Dean said with a sneer. "You were quiet, honest, attractive, and had that mystery girls got wet for and you were the complete opposite of me"

Castiel stared at him astonished stepping forward. "You hate me because of jealously and irritation?"

"Mostly at the beginning then it was the hate when someone ignores you and looks down at you like you're nothing…"

"I did no such thing! After that lesson you pushed me to the ground and everybody laughed! I have never felt so humiliated"

"Okay…I'm sorry about that but you annoyed me! I lashed out, I always lash out, Cas, you know this better than anyone. You didn't want to know me and like everyone else in the world who finds someone like that…they hate them. I have no real reason apart from that, Cas, but it continued didn't it? I hated you and you hated me right back which only made me hate you even more"

Castiel looked away shaking his head in astonishment.

"You are truly a stupid boy aren't you?"

Dean nodded with a small puff of laughter. "I was just a kid, a popular kid, who couldn't get the approval of one boy!"

"You were annoying, a troublemaker and a joker, Dean; of course I didn't want anything to do with you"

"So I hated you and I carried on till I realised – I realised what an idiot I had been" Dean said with narrowed eyes before looking back over to him. "I'm a horrible person, I do things to people that I can never forgive myself for because I choose the wrong choices and I hate the wrong people"

Castiel stared at him and threw his head back looking up at the sky.

"After all these years, all those months and days of your name calling, your constant threats, you pushing me around was because I didn't want to be your friend or even acknowledge you?" he shouted furiously.

"If you want to put it like that"

Castiel huffed turning away shaking his head. "You're truly pathetic"

Dean's eyes narrowed and he stared at the length of his back. "I guess I am"

"So…there is no _real _reason I created this hate inside you"

"Not really"

Castiel groaned softly turning back to face him. "Now it's changed? Three years go by hating me for no real reason at all and now you want to be my best friend?"

"No"

"Then why?"

"Just correcting my wrong, Cas, and you're the first and the last" he said softly. "I just need time"

"Time for what?"

Dean smirked softly eyeing him up and down. "I've said my piece, your turn"

"You think you deserve to know why I did this"

"Nope, but I think it's a huge burden on those shoulders of yours"

"How do I not know you won't go telling anyone and everyone about it" Castiel said defensively.

"You don't but I'm not going to, Cas, I wouldn't even dare…we all have our pasts"

Castiel looked at the greyish white sky and trudged over slowly dropping down next to Dean.

"I can trust you?"

"That's up to you but I told you the truth"

"It's been nearly two weeks and I still don't know if I can"

"In this whole week have I pushed, kicked, or even punched you? Have I called you deliberate names? Have I threatened you like I used to?"

"No"

"Trust me for like ten minutes then"

Castiel looked away from his hands and twisted his hands together. "There is a reason I hated you back, Dean, I didn't want to hate you back. We all have people who dislike us for reasons we can't understand but you made me, you made me hate you because you reminded me of my father"

Dean swallowed hard watching him draw back his sleeve to look at his wrist.

"My mother died in childbirth giving birth to me and my father couldn't handle it, he couldn't handle that the "accident" had took away his wife because of me. He hated me so much and it was up to Anna, my ten year old sister along with my brother, Gabriel, to take care of me. Michael, my eldest brother didn't want anything to do with us…he grieved and took off. I can't remember a lot of my early days but I remember when I was four years old and I was old enough to talk, walk, and hide bruises from an abusive father who would hit me for breathing too loud, lock me in my bedroom all day till Anna came home and let me out starving, crying, and sore from beatings around the head"

Castiel could feel tears prickle the corner of his eyes.

"I was nothing but a stain in his life he wanted rid of and it never stopped…I kept out of his way but it never stopped. He's find ways to insult me, find ways to remind me that I killed my own mom and it was my fault my brothers and sister had no mom because I ripped myself out of her and she bled to death" Castiel said shakily feeling tears streak his cheeks. "I was eight when I cut myself for the first time…he shoved my face into a sandwich cut my hand with the knife…I cut myself again and the pain was different from the pain of rejection and loneliness from a father who didn't love me. I did it again in secret places on my body whenever he hit me or lashed out with cruel words…I carried on and on until I was fourteen and I stood up for myself".

"Father went to hit me because I made a comment about his drinking and I shoved him away…he hit the wall with a loud bang and his bottle dropped to the floor…I grabbed it and I shoved it near his face telling him if he ever came near me again I would gladly shove the glass into his throat and watch him bleed to death" Castiel said with hard swallow. "He ran off in the night after that. Anna was worried sick and I was over the moon! I actually prayed for his death for a while but knew my luck wasn't that good"

"Anna blamed me, she blamed me of all people for his disappearance and she was the one who cared me, she-she was one who became more and more like a mother figure than anything and she took off as well leaving me alone. It was before high school and…I did this" he said gesturing to the largest and deepest. "I carried on cutting till I was bleeding out on the floor and I nearly died if Gabriel who had already moved out came back home on a whim" Castiel said breathing out shakily. "I can't remember most of it, I was out cold for my time but Gabriel told me I died once before they brought me back…he was so scared and he brought me back to his apartment taking care of me like he always has"

His emotions were all over the place as tears kept flowing and he stared down at his hands feeling Dean shift next to him.

"Then I came to high school and I wanted a fresh new start with a new place to live, I had my brother, and I made two new friends but then there you" he said bitterly gritting his teeth together. "You reminded me so much of him with your words, your bullying, but I handled you the best way I could by ignoring you and letting it happen because I wasn't strong enough to fight you back"

Dean exhaled painfully not knowing what to think or do as Castiel stared down at his hands. His hand reached out slowly cupping the side of his chin so he turned his head to look at him and he brushed away the tears still falling with his thumb. The touch was so tender it made Castiel close his eyes and lean into his touch despite his words.

"I am so, so, sorry, Cas, if I knew…I would have probably bottled your dad for you" Dean said with flaming eyes. "I am so sorry for what I did as well…fuck!"

"You tell anyone at all and I will know, Dean"

"How would you?"

"Because no one knows" he muttered weakly.

"What? You told me before you told your own best friend?" he replied baffled.

"Curious isn't it?" Castiel said with a chuckle. "You have a strange effect on me, Dean, I don't know how to feel…one moment I remember why I hate you, then I trust you, and then you make me smile with a simple text"

Dean stroked a thumb down his cheek still keeping his hand there staring into his eyes and felt a flicker of something in his stomach and chest. Castiel stared into his eyes with a flicker of confusion knowing deep down Dean's intention and pulling back suddenly. Dean's hand hovered in the air till it fell slowly and he exhaled feeling disappointment and longing erupt. Castiel sniffed and stood up shaking out his limbs till he was feeling a little warmer and waited till Dean looked up at him.

"I need a hot drink" he murmured pushing his hands into pockets.

"Yeah" Dean said slowly licking his bottom lip following after him feeling his heart beat faster and the feeling of longing increased. Castiel pressed his lip into a tight line walking back through the path feeling a little apprehensive at spilling his heart to the person who once hated him and almost receiving his very first kiss.

**A/N: Thank you for the feedback! **


	6. Chapter 6

It was 9pm when Dean received the text from Alistair and groaned softly sitting up in bed and debating whether or not to go. He dressed quickly creeping out of his room hearing Sam typing away in his bedroom and the rush of water from his moms shower. Dean felt the cold wave of guilt at lying to his own flesh and blood but it was for their protection.

He set out into the cold night heading towards the old abandoned building were Alistair liked to stay. It was old and ruined on the outside but the insides were sleek corridors with a dozen offices and rooms. Dean walked up to the electronic door and pressed in the code key waiting for the green light and sighed when it clicked open granting him entry. His eyes ignored the others looking at him as he walked in and their disapproving looks for the "favourite".

Dean knocked on the door and waited for the permission to enter.

"Dean" Alistair greeted him in a cool voice when he was granted his permission.

"Alistair" Dean replied coldly facing him. "What do you want?"

"Is someone in a bad mood?"

"What do you want, Alistair"?

"Fine, we'll skip the pleasantries" he said with a roll of his eyes handing him a slip of paper. "I need you to pick this up"

"Why can't Uriel go?"

"He's busy"

"Why can't Azazel go?"

"Because he's a stupid boy, Dean, and I only want the best" Alistair replied with a gesture of his hand. "I told you I wanted _you _to go, Dean, are you about to disobey?"

Dean stared into his cold eyes and nodded slipping it into his pocket. "Where are my wages?"

Alistair smiled his cold smile and turned in his chair handing over a brown envelope. Dean looked into it and blinked in surprise.

"What the hell?"

"I thought you deserved a little bonus for your good work"

"There is nearly $2000 in here!" he hissed dropping it on the desk. "Do the others know?"

"No"

"Will you tell them?"

"Dean, do you really think so little of me?"

"_**Yes" **_Dean thought mentally and snatched the money back pocketing it.

"Good man, spend it on that adorable little brother of yours"

Dean turned hard eyes onto him which Alistair ignored as he flicked his fingers away at him.

"Go, I accept you back within half an hour, Dean, no excuses, no delays" he said watching Dean turn on his heel walking out. Dean stormed out feeling the notes in his pocket weigh him down and he hurried outside getting away from the building and pulling the slip out of his pocket. His direction took towards him a deserted car park. Dean felt the swell of fear inside him and looked at the car waiting for him. Yesterday he had spent the day with Castiel who told him one of the biggest secrets of his life in confidence which he would he would take to the grave. Afterwards it had been oddly good between them and Dean went home early in the mood for no studying. He hardly saw him today to his regret because Castiel seemed to avoiding him.

Dean moved towards the car watching a beefy man in his late fifties step out wearing nothing but black. He took a deep breath moving forward and looking up at him.

"This is for Alistair" he said in a gruff voice shoving a large brown package into Dean's hands. "Our debt is settled"

"Right" Dean said with a nod looking up at him and stepping back. "Let me guess, no one else can open it"

"Not unless you want that pretty little throat slit" he hissed.

Dean swallowed hard with a bob of his head quickly retreating and hurrying away from the car park completely on edge expecting a hurry of footsteps behind him or even a gun shot. Dean made it out and turned the corner leaning against the wall and looked down at the brown package knowing it was millions of dollars' worth of drugs he was carrying. He didn't waste time hurrying back to the base and walked in with the package concealed in his jacket.

"With five minutes to spare" Alistair said when he walked inside. "Do you have it?"

Dean nodded handing it over to Alistair's delight as he beamed and took it from him with gentle hands.

"Brady, bring in Hendrickson" Alistair said softly in a voice that sent chills down Dean's spine as he stepped outside closing the door. Victor glared at him as he walked past with Brady and the door closed. Their voices were muffled and raised for a long time till he heard Hendrickson raise his voice to Alistair. Dean turned his head knowing that was a huge mistake and could imagine the fury etched into his face and for a moment feared for Hendrickson. The silence in the room confused Dean who turned to look at the door and flinched gasping in shock when a loud bang of a gun went off. The door opened suddenly revealing Brady who brushed past him and Dean stared at the now lifeless body of Hendrickson lying on the floor. His lifeless eyes stared up at the ceiling surrounded in his own blood and Dean felt cold. His breath stuck in his throat and a cold sweat covered his body raising goosebumps all over his body.

"You may leave, Dean" Alistair said appearing at the door.

"Sure" he muttered backing up and hurrying down the corridor. Dean broke through the door running until he got home. His heart pounded against his chest, his breathing raggedy and he opened the front door leaning against it.

"Dean?" Mary said moving off the couch in shock. "I thought you were in your room…where have you been?"

"I-I went for a walk" he lied moving towards her and pulling her into a bone crushing hug. Mary clung to him shocked and a little frightened.

"Dean, love, you're scaring me"

"I just…um, had a little fright"

"It is late in October, sweetheart, you shouldn't be taking walks" she said pulling back and cupping his cheeks. "You're shaking like a leaf"

"I…I know I just…I need sleep" he said pulling away and heading towards the stairs. Mary watched his retreating figure and bit her lip in worry.

Dean shut the door closing his eyes seeing Hendrickson's lifeless body in front of his lids and opened them with a shuddering gasp. His hands found his cell and he flipped it open looking at the number and dialled it without question.

Castiel was lying on the couch near Gabriel watching the TV when the phone rang and he frowned deeply at the caller I.D. He jumped up heading to his bedroom and pressed the phone to his ear.

"Dean?"

"I know this is totally random and I never call you, ever, but I need you to talk now"

"Dean, what's going on?"

"Please, Cas, just ramble on about anything! Just distract me…I've had a bad night" he muttered dropping on the bed. Castiel sighed softly dropping down on his own bed.

"I don't know what to talk about"

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I haven't" Castiel said softly picking at his black pyjama bottoms. "I was simply sticking to the shadows"

"That's avoiding me"

"It's not really"

"You know I wouldn't tell anyone, Cas"

"No I really don't actually and after two weeks I am still a little baffled by your behaviour"

Dean smiled sadly up at the ceiling. "I think I've been quite…sweet"

Castiel laughed shaking his head amused by the simple comment. "I would never call you sweet, Dean"

"How about unbelievably attractive?" he teased.

"Are you always this big-headed?"

"No"

"Dean, what's happened?"

"Just…my job" Dean said with a sigh. "It's get a little too much sometimes"

"I've heard the rumours…"

"That I'm a crazy drug dealer?"

"Yes"

"Do you believe them?"

"I don't know"

"Yes you do"

Castiel rolled his eyes looking towards the dark sky. "Are they true?"

"No" Dean said almost truthfully. "Can we talk about something else?"

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Anything, apart from your childhood"

"Okay"

"What about relationships?"

Dean heard the sharp inhale and blinked pressing the phone closer to his ear.

"Pass" Castiel said softly.

"What?"

"No, I don't want to talk about that"

"Alright" Dean murmured with a raised eyebrow. "What's your favourite film?"

"Home Alone"

"Why?" Dean said with a puff of laughter.

"It makes me laugh and it was the first film I ever watched on my own" Castiel admitted with a smile. "'I'll always love it"

"Okay, your favourite colour?"

"Orange"

"Why?"

"It's a fiery colour, it's not red, it's not yellow, and it's just in between"

Dean smiled pressing lying back on the pillow and kicking back. "Mine's blue"

"Typical and common" Castiel said with a chuckle.

"Hey! It's a pretty colour" he muttered gently. "I guess, so, what's your favourite season?"

"Winter, I love the snow when it does, I like that I can wear my jumpers without complaints and strange looks, and it has Christmas"

"You're like a child aren't you?"

"Only a little bit"

Dean laughed softly at the tone in his voice. "Your favourite TV programme?"

"I have too many to possibly choose one but I do have a bad weak spot for 91210"

"Oh my god" Dean said astonished covering his eyes. "You are unbelievable"

"It's a good show, I recommended you watch it"

"No thank you"

"Your loss" Castiel said gently. "Are you feeling better?"

Dean felt the cold feeling in his chest evaporate into nothing to be replaced by something warm and unfamiliar but he liked it a lot.

"Yeah…yeah I do" he admitted. "You're amazing, Cas"

Castiel flushed red at the compliment and nodded. "Thank you"

"I'll see you tomorrow"

"Okay" he murmured softly.

"Night, Cas" he said and ended the call feeling lighter and more confused than he had ever felt. His phone dropped to the covers and he rolled onto his side closing his eyes letting the warmth trickle all over him and shut his eyes feeling tonight's events slip away into nothing.

Castiel breathed out slowly looking down at his cell feeling giddy and covered his face with his hands feeling like a girl.

"Oh god" he breathed with breathless laughter curling under the covers. "What am I doing?"

_**~0~0~0~**_

"Where was my phone call?" Jo cried appearing in front of Dean at the gates of the school. "I told you to call me and did you?"

"No, I'm sorry" he muttered with a small smile. "I was busy"

"Doing what?"

"What do you think?"

Her expression fell and she reached out a hand touching his chest. "You weren't hurt were you?"

"Don't be daft" he murmured looking around and finding Castiel in deep conversation with Balthazar.

Flares of jealously swept through him and his eyes narrowed taking in their behaviour, they were overly fond and affectionate of one another. Years of friendship and what Dean secretly hoped was a one sided crush sparing it on.

Dean looked to Jo staring at him curiously. "What?"

"Nothing" she said tossing her hair back over her shoulder as they walked up to the school entrance together. Dean entered the school heading over to his locker and jumping when Adam appeared out of nowhere.

"Have you spoken to Alistair?" he said with urgency in his tone.

"Adam not this again" he hissed unlocking it. "No means no, Adam"

"I need this! I need to get in there"

"You know Alistair; you know he'll employ only the best"

"So you're better than me!"

"No" he hissed grabbing his books. "I don't want to be in this, you know I don't, and if you really think I'm going to let you do this…"

"I need the money"

"I'll lend you it"

"How will I pay you back?"

"Years if you want"

Adam huffed irritated moving away and storming off. Dean watched his retreating figure with a deep sigh turning to see blue eyes looking into his.

"Cas"

"Hello, Dean"

Dean looked him up and down to see he was wearing a cardigan and top which appealed to him much better than an old jumper.

"You look good"

Castiel flushed pink looking away and back to him. "What is it with you and compliments?"

"I'm feeling nice" he murmured leaning against his locker. "You do look rather sexy though"

"Stop it" he murmured flushing a deeper red.

Dean smirked noticing his embarrassment and moved forward into his personal space. Castiel sucked in a soft breath looking into his eyes and glanced away to the passing students wavering to watch as they passed by.

"We better go" he murmured stepping back and moving away to the corridor. Dean breathed out disappointed looking up at the ringing bell and cursed the whole day. It didn't get any better as he had the few lessons he wasn't with Castiel and it only got better at the end when Literature came around. They were all sent to the school library leaving Castiel and Dean in the back undisturbed.

Dean looked over to him buried in an old book pretending to ignore him and smirked leaning forward on his elbows to address him.

"Cas" he sang softly. "If I ask you something will you answer me honestly?"

Castiel looked up at him regarding him with wary eyes and shrugged. "It depends on the question".

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

"No"

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?"

Castiel blushed shaking his head quickly looking down at the pages.

"Who do you prefer, guys or girls?"

"I'm not answering that"

"Oh come on, who turns you on more? Dirty thoughts about girls or even filthier thoughts about guys" Dean murmured looking into his eyes and smiling when he looked away scared.

"Guys" he breathed flicking over the pages quickly. Dean bit the inside of his cheek fighting back a smile.

"Who was your first kiss?"

"I'm not answering that"

"It's a simple question and I probably won't know them" Dean said with a sigh.

"I…I haven't…" he said trailing off avoiding his gaze. Dean's eyes narrowed and he shifted over into the seat next to Castiel in shock.

"Cas, have you ever been kissed before?"

"Look, I never had the chance, okay? Well I did but I refused because I didn't know what to do! I freaked out and girls - girls are scary and I found myself wanting to kiss guys but how can I kiss one…" Castiel ranted only to be stopped by Dean tilting his chin towards him and silencing him with his mouth. Dean felt Castiel pull back startled staring at him with wide eyes.

"What the hell was that?" he breathed horrified.

"That was a kiss, Cas"

"I know what it is! Why are you kissing me?"

"It was either that or punch you to be quiet, I thought that was the nicest way" he said with a small smirk.

Castiel touched his lips and shook his head. "That wasn't a kiss! It was violating my mouth"

"God, it's a good job I didn't kiss you the other way"

"What other way?" he hissed with narrowed eyes.

Dean rolled his eyes tugging the book towards him. Castiel stared at the side of his face feeling the tingle in his lips and poked his arm gently till Dean turned to look at him once again.

"What other way?" he said softly.

"Do you want me to show you?" Dean said turning towards him with surprised eyes.

"I don't know" he muttered with a tight swallow. "I've never been kissed before…"

"If you let me I would be your first though, Cas, so…" he said peering into his eyes. "It's up to you"

"Okay" Castiel said with a nod. "It has to be someone right?"

"I'll make it good, I swear"

Castiel looked around startled. "We're in the library"

"No one comes down here, Cas, I swear"

"Oh" he breathed and gasped when Dean brought him closer cupping the side of his chin and cheek gently.

"Close your eyes" he breathed skimming his nose down his temple and hovered over his lips breathing warm air over them. Castiel shivered opening his eyes slowly to look into his and made a small of distress.

"It's okay, I promise" Dean whispered tilting his chin up and pressing his lips against his in a gentle manner. "Just go with your instincts"

Castiel nodded bringing his hands up hesitantly to the sides of his neck moving his lips against his till he was breathing hard. Dean trailed his tongue gently across his bottom lip eliciting shivers from Castiel who pushed up against Dean with a small groan that shot shivers of delight inside of Dean.

"You're all tense" Castiel murmured pulling back staring at him with bright eyes laced in excitement and confusion. His lips were slightly swollen pink and his hands lay gently against his neck.

"I'm holding back, I can't kiss you like I want to kiss you…not just yet"

Castiel nodded slowly. "Kiss me"

"Cas, I don't…"

"Kiss me!" he hissed at him.

Dean didn't need telling twice as he hands moved up twining his hands into his hair pulling it back gently and devouring his mouth. Castiel made a small sound of surprise opening his mouth in invitation as Dean stroked his tongue against his. It was lustful and filled with need from both sides as Castiel tasted and met Dean in time with his kiss. Dean drew back staring at him breathing hard and tilting his head.

"Well?"

"Wow" he murmured staring at his mouth and up to Dean. "Kissing is strangely good"

"Oh you have no idea" Dean murmured smiling when Castiel brought him towards him kissing him hard. Dean deepened the kiss bringing him closer and feeling arousal strike him hard. His hands slid up Castiel's top feeling the warmth of his skin and he felt Castiel groan into his mouth both aroused and scared.

"Dean" he whispered when they drew back and they both stopped when they heard voice nearby. Castiel pushed him back settling into his seat whilst Dean hovered on his own keeping an eye out watching students settle into the seats nearby. His eyes met Castiel's with a small smile when he blushed looking away.

The dare was heavy on Dean's mind but so were his new found feelings for the boy he "hated" so much. That hate was slowly and surely disappearing every moment he spent with him and now the kiss had killed it dead. How could he hate him now? Dean looked over to him flushed with messy hair and felt desire on his own accord to take it further and confirm his feelings once and for all.

**A/N: Ah! Thank you for all the feedback and support.**


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel didn't know what to think, breathe, or even do as Dean kissed him furiously and hands went everywhere in places he would have thought were forbidden just yet. Dean shoved him hard up against his bedroom wall but not in anger in lust. Castiel moaned wantonly fingers gripping into his shoulders as Dean took dominance in their kiss and pulled his hair roughly.

Castiel pulled away with a gasp moaning at the pain and pleasure striking fast through his body. Dean didn't hold back as he took his mouth once again hands working their way down and tugging his t-shirt over his head chucking it across the room. Castiel panted staring up at the ceiling feeling Dean's mouth move from his lips down to his neck and chest.

"Dean" he moaned his name throatily clinging to the back of his hair. Dean gave him a grin moving back up claiming his lips and shoving him harder up against the wall hoisting him up so he could wrap his legs around his waist. Castiel smirked wrapping his hands into his hair allowing Dean to mouth across his throat.

"Fuck you're amazing" he whispered to Dean.

Dean didn't respond as he tugged him away from the wall and dropping him down on the bed. Castiel laughed softly looking into his eyes and biting down on his bottom lip when Dean settled in between his thighs before kissing him roughly.

"I am going to fuck you so hard" Dean hissed into his ear. "You're going to feel me for days"

"Oh god" Castiel moaned closing his eyes in response arching under his touch. Every sensation inside him went into overdrive as he wriggled underneath him. His senses clouded quickly though and he shook his head feeling heavy and opened his eyes blinking furiously.

Castiel stared across at the illuminated lights of his alarm clock, 6.54am, and gasped turning over to see an empty space. His breath escaped him as he sat up peering under the covers to a raging erection and a damp spot from his pre-cum.

"Dream, it was a…dream" he whispered with a moan of disappointment collapsing on the pillow. "Fuck!"

The disappointment settled heavily in his heart and he moaned covering his eyes. It felt so real and he desperately wanted to feel Dean's lips moving against his once again and he wanted _more. _Castiel wanted everything he could get and moved his hands down wrapping a hand around his cock stroking softly replaying the dream in his mind. He skimmed his thumb over the head imagining a warmer mouth coating it, his legs spread wider as he stroked harder feeling his orgasm reach before he knew it and he gasped quietly feeling his come soak the cover and his hand. It left him breathless and unsatisfied as he sat up and swallowed hard.

Castiel climbed out of bed needing a shower and turned it on shutting his eyes. It felt weird to want someone who you should hate but Castiel craved him more than anything. The kiss had driven out any thoughts of shoving his head into a brick wall repeatedly. Castiel wanted what he dreamt more than anything.

The shower helped soothe his muscles and he scrubbed hard at his skin wondering how he was going to face him. School came quickly by and Castiel stared up at the building with a small frown.

"Hello" Balthazar said poking him in the back and smiling when he turned around to look at him surprised. Castiel smiled softly in greeting and turned to face him.

"You look…troubled" Balthazar said looking him over. "Has something happened?"

"Maybe"

"Cas…"

"I may have done something really, really, stupid or something really kinda…great" he said biting down on his bottom lip.

"What have you done?"

"Dean kissed me" he murmured softly. "I kissed him back"

"What?" Balthazar said astonished. "Have you completely lost your mind?"

"Possibly" he said with a light shrug. "It just happened"

"You hate him"

"I thought I hated him"

"Bullshit! What the hell happened?" Balthazar cried staring at him stunned. "One minute you can't stand the guy and the next you're kissing him? Please explain this to me"

"He's…different, Balthazar, he's changed and I know you don't believe me and I hardly believe it myself but…it happened and he's my first kiss" Castiel replied with a small smile. "He's a pretty amazing kisser"

Balthazar glowered at him feeling the sharp burn of jealously and clenched his fists together.

"That's complete horseshit, Cas, and you fucking know it. Dean Winchester does not change, he's an asshole, he's a bully, and he's up to something" Balthazar ranted holding up a finger to him. "You're going to get seriously hurt and you know it"

"I don't know anything! People can change"

"Not him"

"Why not?" Castiel said with a scowl.

"Because – because it's Dean Winchester!"

"Who _has _changed! You haven't been around him, Balthazar, I have and he has changed for the better. I can't quite believe it just yet but he's…he's different now"

Balthazar's eyes narrowed and he looked around for any sign of him before walking immediately away from Castiel.

"Balthazar!" he cried after him and shut his eyes in defeat when he hurried and disappeared through the doors. Castiel hovered before chasing after him and hurrying through the front doors searching around for the familiar head of hair. He stopped startled when a hand reached out pulling him towards a locker and he looked around to see Dean staring back with a raised eyebrow.

"Where's the fire?"

"Hello, Dean" he whispered.

"Hey" he said with a small smile. "Like I said, where's the fire?"

"Nowhere, I'm looking for Balthazar" he said looking around for him and wrinkling his brow in concern. "He's worried for me; he thinks you're going to hurt me"

Dean felt a flash of guilt and reached out tracing his fingers down the curve of his cheek feeling the light grains of stubble. Castiel turned towards him surprised, eyes flashing down to his lips and feeling that hunger he felt in his dream reawaken.

"You're staring at my lips" Dean whispered moving closer to him. "I guess you can't stop thinking about it either"

"You can't stop thinking about it? So I wasn't awful then" he whispered back to him in surprise.

"Far from it, you were pretty amazing at it"

Castiel gaped in surprise and flushed looking down. "Good"

"Come with me" Dean said suddenly tugging on his coat sleeve and dragging him down the corridor. Castiel followed after feeling curious and gasped when Dean dragged him into an empty classroom.

"Perfect" Dean said softly. "We're all alone"

"Why?" he whispered and smiled gently when he moved into his personal space hovering over his mouth.

"I want to kiss you" Dean whispered pressing his forehead against his looking into his stormy blue eyes. "Only if you want me too"

"I think I do" he murmured moving against him and tugging his own bottom lip against his teeth. "It's so weird…I don't know what to think or do but all I know is that I want to kiss you so badly"

"Wish granted" Dean murmured capturing his lips. Castiel moaned in relief clinging to his the lapels of his jacket and opening his mouth in invitation for Dean to teasingly slip his tongue against his. Castiel was learning every step of the way as he twirled his tongue against Dean's pressing his body against his and feeling the hardness against his thigh.

"Fuck you're amazing" Dean said startling him at the choice of words and moaned when Castiel backed him up to the wall. It was frantic and full of need from both sides only to be ruined by the first bell ringing. Castiel made a small sound of despair leaning against Dean who sighed kissing his forehead gently. Castiel looked up at the little action and smiled both in confusion and delight.

"What first lesson do you have?" Dean said softly.

"We have art"

"Do we?" he murmured pulling out his timetable and nodding. "So we do"

"Come on then" Castiel said moving away with a flash of mischief in his eyes which Dean liked as he followed him out.

Dean saw Jo and Adam walking along and stopped pressing a hand to his elbow.

"I'm going to go see them but I'll see you at break"

"Will you?" Castiel said intrigued and gasped when Dean tugged him forward into the shadows kissing him gently.

"Yep" Dean said with a wink dodging out and heading towards his friends. Castiel turned watching him leave and breathed out softly.

"I am so screwed" he whispered.

Dean jumped in front of Jo startling her enough to make her scream and hit him on the shoulder.

"You're such an asshole!" she shouted clutching a hand over her heart.

Dean grinned when Adam laughed throwing an arm over his shoulder seeming happier.

"Dean, the troublemaker" he said.

"Adam, the joker" Dean said as they walked to lesson together.

"Where have you been?" Jo said walking along and seeing Ash and Pamela waiting for them.

"Ash has news" Pamela said when they walked up.

"Oh yeah" Jo said folding her arms over.

"I've just found out I'm the sole heir to a million dollar fortune left to me by my great grandpapa" he said with cockiness laced into his voice.

"Fuck off" Dean said astonished.

"Holy shit" Jo injected with wide eyes.

"How the hell…" Adam continued astonished waving a hand at him. "You lucky bastard!"

"I know right" he said with a deep sigh. "Mansion here I come"

Dean shook his head as they entered the room and took their seats with the rest of them babbling away about his new discovery. Castiel walked in keeping his head down and blushed when Dean watched him with wide eyes take his seat at the other end of the table.

Castiel sat down next to Balthazar who ignored him looking down at his pad.

"Please don't be mad at me" he whispered touching his hand.

Dean's eyes zeroed in on the action and he narrowed his eyes watching the pair of them closely.

"I'm not mad at you" he murmured softly looking over to him. "How could I be mad at you?"

"I know what I'm doing"

"Cas, you have no idea what you're doing and I do not trust him for one second. He's up to something"

Castiel sighed softly removing his hand and picking up his pencil.

"What if he's not?" Castiel whispered. "I'm not lying when I said he was different"

"He's acting! He's playing you because he knows he can…I can't stand by and watch you get hurt" Balthazar hissed. "You're my best friend and if you think I'm going to let…"

"Listen to me" Castiel said covering his mouth. "I can take care of myself and I appreciate your concern but you have to trust that I know my right mind"

Balthazar made a small sound of disapproval removing his hand and holding it with his own. Dean felt an angry pang in his chest and glowered over at them.

"Fine" he replied softly.

Castiel smiled squeezing his hand and letting go to look up when their teacher walked in. Jo looked over to Dean noticing he was staring over to Castiel who met his gaze giving him a small secret smile. Jo had always had her suspicions but this was now dynamic evidence something was going on or had already happened.

_**~0~0~0~ **_

"Cas, I don't know about this" Dean said at the end of the school day when he invited him to come round to do the project.

"Are you worried about my big brother?"

"No" Dean lied looking up at the apartment.

Castiel smirked following his eye line and poked him in the arm gently.

"My brother is working"

"Really?"

"Yes, Dean"

"Okay"

Castiel led him up and pushed the key into the door when he felt Dean hum next to him thoughtfully.

"Does that mean we have the place to ourselves?" Dean said smiling when he flushed and opened the door.

"Yes…for studying" he said gesturing a hand for him to go inside. Dean rolled his eyes stepping inside to see a spacious kitchen with a living area and whistling.

"Nice"

"Thank you" Castiel said with a small smile. Dean watched him pull of his jacket and kicking off his shoes feeling a lot more comfortable now he was at home.

"God I hate this play with a passion" he muttered sitting down on the couch. "How can something like this be famous?"

"Ask William Shakespeare" Castiel responded sitting on the other end of the couch.

"Funny" Dean said with a sneer pulling the script towards him. "I think we could and should be doing something a lot more interesting than this"

"Like what?"

"I don't know…where's your bedroom?" Dean said with a smirk.

Castiel flushed looking down and shaking his head. "No, we are doing this"

Dean narrowed his eyes at him and scooted forward looking over him and reached touching the side of his neck gently.

"If I ask you a serious question will you answer me honestly?"

Castiel nodded looking over to him and watching him shift till he was comfortable.

"You're a virgin, right?"

"Yes"

"Why are you a virgin? Is there a reason behind it or…"

Castiel swallowed dropping the booklet on the table staring forward.

"Everyone in that school apart from a few is either a whore or a slut…no one cares unless they get their leg over and fuck someone senseless. There are those few who are in relationships and I like them, I like that they care for one another, and I…I wanted to keep it. If I'm going to lose my virginity and I'm going to have sex for the first time I want to be with someone who isn't going to leave in the middle of the night or call it one night stand because all they wanted was a quick fuck and release" Castiel said twisting his hands together. "I'm also scared and I'll need someone to take care of me before and even after it…I know I sound like a big girl but why should I give up something that is mine and mine alone?"

Dean stared at him shocked and looked down at the couch.

"I wish I did that" Dean muttered softly. "My first time was in the back of a car when I was drunk out of mind with a woman with black hair"

"You didn't know her name?" Castiel replied softly.

"Nope, she was drunk and very pretty though"

"I don't want that, I don't want to lose it to someone who doesn't care"

"I think that's amazing" Dean muttered moving back feeling cold with guilt and looked down at the pages seeing nothing but squiggly lines.

Castiel moved over cocking his head and looking over him curiously.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well…since you've never been kissed you've obviously not lost the big V have you?"

"No, not yet"

Dean looked up into his eyes holding still when he leaned over pressing a kiss on his lips. Castiel moaned softly when he cupped the back of his neck deepening it and throwing the book aside. They moved together till Castiel was underneath him pressed into the arm and panting hard eager for more. Dean gasped pulling his mouth away looking into his eyes and saw the vulnerability and what looked like shallow trust he had never seen reflected back at him.

Dean swallowed hard moving away and breathing out a held in breath. "I-I can't I have to go"

"What?" Castiel said straightening up and sitting up. "What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing, Cas, you did nothing wrong" Dean said turning and standing up. "You did everything right"

Castiel gave a frown confused looking up at him when he bent down kissing his forehead. He shivered gently looking into his eyes and watched him pick up his things heading out and away. Dean hurried down the steps heading away and dropping against the wall breathing hard. Castiel's words rang strong and true in his mind and he knew he couldn't have sex with him with this dare hanging over his head. If he did, he won, but it would be took in vain and Az would let Castiel know exactly why it had been taken even though it wasn't the reason now.

Castile brought his knees up resting his chin on them feeling so confused it hurt his head. He had no idea how to feel and sighed pulling the script towards him.

"I'm not screwed, I'm totally fucked" he murmured dropping his head on the couch still smelling Dean's cologne and chucked the script away wishing he knew what to do.

**A/N: Thank you for the feedback! **


	8. Chapter 8

Dean stared across at Castiel buried in a book underneath the tree and sighed deeply leaning against the wall. It had been a week since his kiss and run from him and since then their conversations had been blunt and casual, no kisses were shared, and Dean was avoiding him like the black plague. He knew Castiel was hurt by his cold attitude of late and saw the pain in his eyes when he met them.

"You've been staring at him for fifteen minutes" Jo said popping up next to him. Dean wrinkled his nose looking down at the ground.

"I've noticed, Dean, I'm your best but also your closest friend and you've been staring and dodging him all week. You like him don't you?"

"What? Don't be silly" he said with a scoff looking back up to him. "He's just my English partner"

"Liar, you've always been a bit of a bad liar, Dean, and I know when you're lying to me" Jo said nudging him in the ribs. "You like him more than an English partner"

"I hate you sometimes" he muttered with a puff of laughter.

"I love you too, sugar bun" she said cupping his cheeks and laughed when he shoved her away with a roll of his eyes.

"Fine! Yes I like him, I like him more than an English partner and we've um, well…" he said with a small smirk.

"Oh my god, you've fucked him!" she hissed in horror.

"No! I've kissed him, I've gave him his first kiss"

"Holy shit" she whispered looking up to Castiel and back to Dean. "It's like a soap opera"

"You watch far too much of those shows"

"They are fabulous and your gay ass knows it"

"I'm not gay" he said with a frown. "I like both"

"No you're just greedy"

"Oh shut up" he said with a shake of his head. "I like him, I've kissed him, and now I'm the biggest asshole in the world because I'm avoiding him"

"Why?" she said baffled.

"He's a virgin, Jo, he's pure, and he's…a delicate flower" he said rubbing his forehead. "How can I take it from him when I used to hate him?"

"People change, Dean, you're an example of that now and if he likes you and you like him then do it! You could end up having something so amazing!" she replied glancing over to Castiel still buried in his book. "You hated him and he hated you but there's a very fine line between love and hate"

"I don't love him!" Dean said raising an eyebrow.

"Not yet but who knows how you'll feel down the line"

Dean glanced over to her feeling a squirming in his gut that he hadn't told her the whole truth but he knew Jo would kill him without a second thought.

"Go talk to him" she said shoving him forward. Dean stumbled forward glaring back at her before stuffing his hands into his jacket pocket heading up the hill towards Castiel.

Castiel was deeply involved in the story ignoring the chill around him and he looked up when a shadow fell over him. His hand closed the cover and he swallowed looking up at Dean stood awkwardly in front of him.

"Are you talking to me now?" Castiel said with coldness laced into his tone.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole" he said dropping down on the ground next to him. "I've had a weird week"

"It's fine" he said with a small sigh. "You haven't been avoiding me completely"

"I've still been avoiding you" Dean said looking over to him.

"Why?"

"My own inner conflict"

Castiel blinked confused looking over to him. "Your own inner conflict, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing" Dean said with a sigh. "I'm just sorry"

"I should have been used to it by now; I just thought you'd…" Castiel murmured trailing off and leaning his chin on his knee. "Are you okay?"

Dean looked over to him startled and nodded quickly. "I'm okay, but what did you think?"

"You freaked out and went back to hating me all over"

Dean opened his mouth shocked and shook his head. "No, Cas, how could I?"

"You're Dean Winchester, you don't change"

"That's a lie and you know it"

"I never lie" he said with a teasing smile.

Dean looked into his eyes seeing blatant relief in his eyes shining there. Castiel felt his cheeks flush pink at the intensity of his stare and looked down and away from him.

"Can I admit something without sounding like a total pussy?"

"Yes"

"I kinda missed you" Dean said softly. "Who knew I would miss the constant babbling and blushing you do when you get all worked up"

Castiel chuckled burying his face into his arm and lifting up to peer over at him.

"I do not babble and it's your fault for avoiding me all week"

"You so do babble on about crap! You spent twenty minutes explaining the 90210 plot to me!"

"It's an amazing show! I'm going to sit you down and put all my box sets on for you and you're going to watch every single of them" Castiel cried shoving his shoulder.

Dean smirked amused twisting his hands together.

"I want to show you something" Castiel said suddenly moving over opening his book and holding it up in front of their faces as he inched closer. Dean held still when he brushed his lips over his in a gentle kiss.

"You're so silly" Dean murmured kissing him back surprised. "I feel like I'm in a teen movie"

Castiel dropped the book covering them and moved away with a small smile.

"They end in cheesy songs and happily ever after wrapped up in a pink bow" Castiel said with a shrug. "Reality is not like that and neither is life"

"Your wisdom is undefined, Doctor Milton"

"It's not funny, it's true"

"I know it's true! Life is a little bitch, it's cold, it's cruel, but sometimes it's nice to us and gives us little gifts of love and happiness" Dean said with a chuckle.

"Love" Castiel said slowly.

Dean blinked with a swallow shrugging his shoulders up and down.

"So…the project, we need to get it finished"

"I've done my part"

"Seriously?" Dean said with a groan. "You have to help me"

"Do you want to come over to mine tonight? Gabriel is on the night shifts now so we won't be disturbed"

Dean nodded quickly pushing up and pulling his bag with him.

"Sounds good I'll see you after school"

"Okay" Castiel said with a nod watching him walk away before looking down at the closed book feeling better than he had felt over the past few days. It was disconcerting to feel this way and he shoved it into his bag feeling on edge.

Dean walked down the corridor and smiled when Jo came running up.

"Well"

"Well what?"

"How did it go, did you tell him?"

"Nope" Dean said moving to his locker and opening it up. "I can't, Jo, not yet"

"Why not?"

"Because it's more complicated than you realise and I-I'm a screw up, I have always been a screw up and I'm not a nice person" Dean said slamming it closed. "Cas is…unique and I totally misjudged him because like you've always said I am a total hot head"

"You are a total hot head and you…" she said slapping the tops of his shoulder with a wide smile. "You've totally fallen for him!"

"I have not"

Jo scoffed moving off him and pointed a finger in between his eyes.

"You have, Dean, and it's okay"

"I know it's okay"

"This is so weird" she murmured with a sigh. "But I think…no, I know that this could be possibly be the most amazing thing to happen because despite all these years, all those fights and name calling, it takes a few weeks for you to both realise that you're probably perfect for one another"

"God you're such a sap!" Dean moaned covering his ears and walking away. "I like the guy and I've kissed him on more than one occasion but it doesn't mean I'm head over heels in love with the dude"

"Do you find him physically attractive?" Jo said catching up.

"Yes"

"Do you want to fuck him senseless?"

"Yes but…"

"Does he find you attractive?"

"I don't know! He hated me a few days ago"

"So did you!"

Dean groaned attempting to shove her away to no avail as she fought back.

"Look this doesn't happen okay; mortal enemies do not become friends slash friends with benefits on an everyday occurrence"

"I know, Joanna Beth"

"Don't you use my whole name on me! Fuck, you sound like my mom" Jo said in disgust dropping down on the spare bench they found.

"I know, okay? But it's not as simple as that, Jo" he said with a sigh closing his eyes and dropping his head on the wall behind him. "I can't tell you because you'll hate me more than I hate myself"

"What are you talking about?"

Dean looked into her earnest eyes and shook his head.

"Nothing, ignore me" he said rubbing his eyes. "It just isn't as simple anymore"

"No because you're making it harder than it should be"

"Lay off, Jo, this is my life" he said in a tired voice. "I'll deal with it in the best way I can"

_**~0~0~0~**_

"I'm glad that day is over with" Castiel said as he let himself in. Dean hummed thoughtfully behind him as he stepped inside and looked over his back.

"Coming back here to do an essay…such fun" Dean murmured dropping his bag on the sofa and looking around.

"We don't have to do if you don't want to, we can just hang out and well…" he said picking up his 90120 box set up with a grin.

"I'd rather die"

"Spoilsport" Castiel said with a roll of his eyes. "We can do something else if you want?"

"What would that be?" Dean said looking over to him and watching him wander over and kneel on the couch looking up at him. Castiel simply stared at him with wide eyes that made his stomach melt and he stroked a hand into his hair before kissing him softly. Castiel eagerly responded bringing his hands to stroke the side of his neck and back of his hair.

"You're getting good" Dean whispered when he drew away to observe him. "Am I a good teacher?"

"The best I've ever had" Castiel responded with a smile. Dean smiled back at him kissing him softly and responding when he moaned clinging to him.

Dean gasped when cold hands slipped up his t-shirt feeling his warm skin and innocent eyes met his testing and questioning. Castiel gasped when he climbed over the couch joining him and devoured his mouth pushing him down so he leaned his body weight against him.

"Cas…" Dean whispered when his hands went lower. "You don't want that you know you don't"

"I know my own mind and how I feel" Castiel murmured softly trailing his nose up his cheek. Dean closed his eyes knowing he had the chance to take it away once and for all but his conscience was ruining everything.

"No you don't and this isn't right" he said pushing up from him and sitting down on the couch.

Castiel gave him a frown struggling to sit up and moved over touching his shoulder.

"Like I said, I know my own mind and I know the last few weeks have been the weirdest experience of my life but I have seen a new side or a side you have kept hidden from me for so long but I-I feel _things_ for you that I shouldn't and wouldn't think of in a million years but, Dean, you're my first kiss and I…"

"Cas, please don't okay?" Dean said standing up and collecting his things. "I have to go"

"Dean!" Castiel called after him as he walked out and slammed the door behind him. Dean ran towards his car jumping in and speeding away as quickly as he could. Castiel ran his hands into his hair and shook his head sitting back with folded arms confused and worst of all rejected.

Dean arrived outside of the house and sat there in the car breathing hard and thumped his fit hard against the steering wheel feeling like a fool. He moved inside throwing his keys aside to see Sam stretched out on the sofa watching a DVD.

"Hey squirt" Dean muttered dropping down on the other seat.

"I thought you were studying with Cas" Sam said surprised looking over to him.

"Change of plans" Dean replied with a sad smile tapping the remote against his mouth. "What you watching?"

"Spiderman" Sam said with a shrug.

"Right" Dean said not caring at all and slumped further in his seat. Dean knew he was acting hot and cold with him but knew no way out of it. If he slept with him, he won the dare and he couldn't bear the thought of Castiel finding out it had been taken like that. It was cruel and childish.

Dean gave up sitting downstairs and retreated upwards to drop down on his bed. He felt low and fed up not knowing what to do anymore and shut his eyes hoping sleep would help.

Sam was engrossed in his programme when he heard a car door outside go and a knock on the front door.

He sighed deeply jumping up and opening the door to reveal a very pissed off Castiel.

"You're Cas right?"

"Yes, is Dean here?"

"In his room" Sam said surprised watching him nod and step inside.

"Thank you" he said before heading upstairs.

Sam grimaced grabbing the remote and switching it off knowing he had to get out of there right now or he would hear something he really didn't want to hear or witness.

Dean was dozing when a timid knock echoed on his door.

"Piss off, Sam!" he growled burying his head under the pillow.

The door burst open with a loud bang startling him so he turned staring at Castiel stood in the doorway.

"What the fuck?" he said startled staring at Castiel who slammed the door closed. "What are you doing here?"

"I want to know what the hell is going on" Castiel said moving to the end of the bed staring into his eyes. "Why are you one minute perfectly okay with me, then you're ignoring me all week, and now this?"

"Cas, it's difficult to explain" Dean said sitting up.

"No it's not, it's easy to explain! You're regretting changing your mind about everything aren't you! You've not been the same since I told you why I was a virgin!" Castiel ranted. "I know it's pathetic, Dean, I know I should be fucking everything that walks but I don't want that! I want someone who cares about me and wants to be with me instead of someone just wanting their dick in me"

Dean looked down at the covers shaking his head. "I don't care that you're a virgin, Cas, I think it's amazing but do you think that I'm that person?"

"Dean, think back the last few weeks…you're my first kiss, I told you about these" Castiel said holding out his arms. "I haven't told anyone, not really, and why wouldn't I…or am I seriously wrong about everything?"

Dean could see the panic in his eyes as he backed down and he blew out a held in breath. He stood up moving towards him and stared into his eyes.

"No you're not, you're not wrong about anything but you…you are far too good for me" Dean said softly cupping the back of his neck bringing him forward. "I'm a dick, Cas, I am and you're just…amazing"

"No I'm not" Castiel protested shaking his head looking into his eyes and moved into his personal space. "I want _more_, Dean"

"You think I can give you that?"

"I don't know…maybe" he murmured biting his lip hard. "I don't know why I trust you and I know I'm probably stupid…"

"You're not stupid"

"I kissed you didn't I?" Castiel said with a teasing smile and moaned when Dean captured his lips in a hard kiss. Dean dragged his hands into his hair liking the feeling of it running through his fingers and smiled when Castiel hummed against his lips.

"You're like a little kitten" Dean murmured with a smile nuzzling his temple. "Are you one hundred per cent sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Three years of loathing each other?"

"I thought we sorted all that out?"

Dean looked down at their feet and nodded slowly in agreement looking up into his eyes. The dare slipped away into the dark corners of his mind and locked itself away. Dean wanted this more than anything and he wasn't about to let a dare, his job, or Az get in the way of something he wanted now more than ever. People changed and Dean was one of them.

"Then what are we waiting for" he whispered tugging him forward kissing him roughly and down onto the bed. "I'm going to take care of you I swear"

Castiel breathed out looking up into his eyes and gasped sitting up when Dean dragged him up and looked over him.

"We need less clothing" he said softly trailing his fingers down the side of his cheek. Castiel nodded shredding off his clothing along with Dean till they were in nothing but their underwear. Dean watched Castiel flush deeply and wrapped a hand around his wrist dragging him towards him till he got the hint and straddled his waist. Castiel breathed out shakily staring into his eyes reflecting curiosity.

"I'm scared" Castiel whispered when he kissed the curve in his collarbone. "Will it hurt?"

Dean nodded cupping the sides of his neck. "Only for a bit but it will get better"

Castiel closed his eyes with a soft moan when he dragged his nails down his back till he cupped his ass and pushed him down on the bed.

"I trust you"

Dean felt his insides squeeze at the words and he hovered over him taking in his expression and kissed down his chest enjoying the warmth. His tongue flicked out stroking it across the nub and sucking hard till Castiel was moaning loudly.

"You're loud" Dean murmured looking up to him with a smile. "This is going to be fun"

Castiel stared down at him and gasped when Dean lifted his legs up to spread them wide and pushed his fingers into his underwear sliding them down and over his shoulder. Dean's mouth fell open and he chuckled moving forward stroking a hand over his cock. Castiel gasped jerking violently and bit his lip tensing up.

"It's okay, Cas" Dean whispered kissing his inner thigh and resting there. "I'll take it slow if you want"

"What if I don't want to go slow?"

"Then we won't" Dean said with a small smile ghosting his mouth over his half hard cock and licking the head gently. Castiel gasped loudly staring up at the ceiling feeling blood rush down hardening his cock enough for Dean to chuckle wrapping a hand around the shaft.

"Horny little bugger aren't you?"

"You have no idea" Castiel breathed spreading his legs wider giving Dean more access to lick a warm tongue down the underside till he was panting for more. Dean didn't hold back as he took him down and dragged his lips and tongue over his cock. Castiel gasped curling his toes into the bed cover and fisting his hands into his hair panting his name.

It didn't take long for Castiel to cry out arching his neck pulsating his come down Dean's throat till was spent and shaking. Dean swallowed it down wrinkling his nose at the bitter taste but ignored it for Castiel trembling underneath him.

"You okay?"

"Yes" Castiel responded breathless with a nod blinking furiously. "That was a blowjob, my first blowjob"

Dean hummed with a nod kissing him briefly and raised up pulling open his small drawer pulling out a condom and lube. Castiel looked up at them feeling fear strike his chest.

"You've had oral sex but how about the big deal?" Dean murmured cupping the side of his face. "If you're not ready…"

"I'm ready" Castiel said with a nod lifting his head to kiss him and pulled back. "I can taste myself"

"Oh really" Dean murmured when he kissed him fiercely stroking his tongue into his mouth. Dean groaned sliding his hands down his side gripping his hips and pulled back pulling down his own underwear. Castiel looked down and at Dean blushing deeply and chuckled when Dean kissed him.

"Big boy" Castiel whispered into the corner of his mouth. "Fuck me, Dean"

"Your wish is my command" Dean whispered back pulling back ripping open the condom and sliding it on before paying attention to Castiel.

Castiel made a small sound of distress when Dean opened the cap off the bottle circling the pucker of muscles tensing underneath his touch. Dean slicked his fingers good and proper meeting Castiel's eye line.

"Baby, I need you to relax" he instructed smoothing a hand over his stomach. "It will hurt but I'll be slow"

Castiel nodded unclenching his fists slowly pressing his lips together when Dean shifted him till he could slide one finger inside him. Castiel hissed at the penetration squeezing his eyes shut and moaned at the pleasure surrounding it. Dean fucked him slowly with the finger twisting and turning till he was panting and wriggling around him desperately. He slipped a second inside him gritting his teeth at the tight untouched heat surrounding both his fingers as he wiggled his fingers scissoring him open.

Castiel covered his eyes with a grunt when Dean managed to slip a third finger inside him and he was inwardly baffled about how many fingers could fit inside such a small hole but the pain was worth it. Dean slipped his fingers into the oily and stretched out the hole waiting for him and his fingers slid out carefully. Castiel whimpered looking down at him.

"Dean, _please"_ he begged watching Dean hover over him linking their hands together.

"Okay, now this will hurt but it's your first time" he whispered kissing his forehead and leaning against it. "Squeeze my hands okay?"

"Okay" Castiel whispered biting down on his bottom lip. Dean pulled back kissing him tenderly as he adjusted mouthing a countdown for him and pushed the head gently against him. Castiel gasped clutching Dean's hand and cried out when Dean rolled his hips pushing inside of him and moaned in pain and pleasure.

"Fuck" he whispered clutching Dean's hands as he bottomed out inside of him and held still waiting for him to adjust. Castiel closed his eyes breathing through his teeth at the feeling of being filled like this and nodded opening his eyes.

"Move" he commanded in a low whisper. "Dean, move"

Dean obliged rolling his hips thrusting inside of him and moaned at how tight and hot he felt around his cock. Castiel lifted his dead legs wrapping them around his waist and unlinked their hands to cup around his neck and stared into his eyes. Dean thrusted slowly and deeply inside of him keeping his eyes trained on every expression Castiel gave. Castiel gasped in pleasure clinging to him when Dean brushed against his prostrate.

"What was that?"

"Your sweet spot" Dean murmured quickening his speed and thrusting into him harder. Their moans filled the room as the bed quaked and rocked underneath them in time with Dean's thrusts inside of him.

Dean could feel his impending orgasm and stared into the lust and pain clouded eyes staring into his and lost himself in the wonder of them. Dean knew he was well and truly screwed now. His head bowed feeling sweat coat his body leaving both of them hot and damp plus breathless. Castiel closed his eyes with a heartfelt moan when Dean thrusted extra hard into him and opened his eyes when he gasped loudly and continuing as warmth filled Castiel down below. Dean rode out his orgasm till he was exhausted and moaned resting against Castiel's shoulder.

"Sex" Castiel said baffled and smiled when Dean looked up with a twinkle in his eyes. "I've just had sex"

"Welcome to the sluts and whores club" Dean said with a teasing wink pulling out and rolling onto his side pulling Castiel into his arms. Dean ripped the condom off tossing it in the bin and collapsed against the pillow before glancing over to Castiel tracing circles on his chest.

"How are you feeling?"

"Amazing" Castiel said looking up to him and smiling a secret smile. "That's sex"

"It gets better I swear…I know it hurt but the more you have it, the more you loosen up, and well for your first time you were incredible" Dean said softly raking a hand into his hair.

Castiel blushed tucking his face into the crook of his neck. Dean smirked trailing a hand down the length of his spine letting his cheek rest into his damp hair before it faltered. Yes he had done it with different intentions now and it was not his intention to humiliate him but Dean had won. It was just a matter of time before he found out and Dean didn't think he would be prepared for Castiel's rage. His eyes closed and he kissed the top of his head choosing to live in the moment and prayed it would never reach that moment but when did he ever have the best luck?

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! **


	9. Chapter 9

Dean shifted from his sleep feeling movement next to him and opened his eyes slowly to see Castiel getting dressed. He smiled softly trailing a hand up his back causing him to jump and turn his head to look at him.

"It's only eight, where are you going?"

"Home, we have school tomorrow and Gabriel will be wondering where I am" he said pulling on his sock and smiling when Dean knelt up wrapping his arms around his shoulders kissing his jaw.

"Stay" he murmured softly. "I think we need another round"

"Dean, I can't…I have to get home" he murmured with a smile leaning his head back onto his shoulder. "I think your mom and brother are home"

"I'll check...stay" he said shoving him down on the bed. Castiel landed on his back watching him pull on his pants and open the door peering around the hallway. Dean walked downstairs to see an empty house and walked over seeing a piece of paper pinned to the fridge.

_**Took Sam for dinner and pictures! Dinner in fridge. **_

_**Tell Castiel I said hello. **_

_**Mom. X**_

Dean closed his eyes cursing Sam and dropped it on the floor running back upstairs to see Castiel sitting on the end waiting for him with wide eyes.

"My mom has taken Sam for his dinner and the cinema…which means they won't be back for a couple of hours" Dean said moving over and shoving him down hard. Castiel stared up at him in awe and stripped off his clothing till he was naked and shuffled up staring into Dean's eyes as he met his kiss and moved his lips against his gently.

His confidence grew as he moved up shoving a surprised Dean back and straddling his waist. Dean moaned when he kissed down his jaw.

"I want to…ride you"

Dean's eyes went wide and he laughed shocked. "Where did you learn that word?"

"Was it wrong?"

"God no" Dean breathed bringing him into a hard kiss. Castiel moaned in response bringing his hands up to knot into his hair pulling at the roots till Dean pulled back from his mouth gasping loudly.

"You're so sexy like this" Dean murmured running cool hands down his sides and cupping his hips bringing him up and grabbing the lube. Castiel gasped when cool fingers pressed against the tender rectum and scissored him wide open once again.

"Easy now" Dean said guiding him down and Castiel threw back his head gasping as he wriggled his hips feeling Dean sheath his cock deep inside of him. Dean moaned at the tight heat gripping his sides and thrusting his hips up deep inside of him. Castiel gasped locking his arms around his neck moaning deeply at the pressure deep inside of him as he rocked against him. Dean didn't hold back as he thrusted up inside of him watching him completely lose control on top of him. His moans and harsh pants filled his bedroom along with the creaking of his old bed.

"You're amazing" Castiel hissed kissing him harshly and resting his forehead against his. Dean grinned up at him wrapping a hand around his hard cock stroking a thumb over the head and collecting the pre-cum settling there. Castiel squeezed his eyes shut rocking and moving against him feeling everything inside of him multiply by a thousand and he fully understood the huge deal about sex. Dean flexed his wrist pumping harder feeling him tense and press his weight into him as he climaxed soaking his hand in his come. Castiel moaned pressing his face into the crook of his neck when Dean snapped his hips forward a final two times before arching his back and climaxing deep inside of him.

Castiel smiled weakly pulling back and kissing over his top lip tasting sweat and looking into his eyes. Dean peered into his eyes and smiled softly back at him trailing his fingers down his jaw.

"How are you feeling?"

"Really good, I think I understand why everyone is a whore and a slut" Castiel responded softly. Dean barked out a laugh watching him lift off him and drop down with a wince at the soreness left behind.

"It was amazing and…thank you" Castiel said softly lying back down and watching Dean hover over him with curious eyes.

"What are you thanking me for?"

"Taking care of me during and afterwards" he said with a shrug. "I know I've made the right decision now"

Dean swallowed trailing a hand down his jaw and gave him an affectionate look. "I'm your first everything"

"Strange how it was the best I hated the most" Castiel said with a raised eyebrow and chuckling when Dean poked him in his side. Dean's eye trailed down and he grabbed his wrists bringing them up and kissing over the scars. Castiel sucked in a sharp breath feeling sensitive and strange under Dean's careful observation.

"You will never, ever, ever, ever, have to do this again" Dean murmured looking over them. "Never again"

"Are you going to protect me?"

"Only if you'll let me" Dean responded honestly lying his head down next to his. Castiel wriggled twisting around and locking their ankles together and trailed his fingers up Dean's bare arm.

"This is so weird…who knew I would lose my virginity to Dean Winchester" he murmured looking into the quizzical green eyes and snorting with laughter. "I don't regret it though"

"Why not?"

"Bizarrely I have begun to trust you, Dean, and you met all my expectations in both areas" he said with a teasing smirk.

Dean growled low gripping the back of his neck bringing him into a heated kiss and stroking his tongue into the roof of his mouth. Castiel moaned at the sensation gripping the back of his hair feeling warm and content leaning against him.

The guilt permanently etched into Dean's heart flared and he pulled back kissing his nose and forehead tenderly. The feelings Dean had felt fluttering in his heart had strengthened almost immediately during sex and he was almost certain about how he felt about him now. All traces of hate for him had vanished completely leaving behind lust, longing, affection, and something much deeper hiding down in the recess of his heart not wanting to be accepted just yet.

Castiel cocked his head looking at the expressions on Dean's face and rolled onto his stomach tracing his fingers over the pillow.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"What happens now?"

"What do you mean?" Dean muttered bending his head to press his lips over the bumps of his spine. Castiel shivered hard shaking his back and shoulders with a small smile enjoying the feeling.

"You. Me. Us." he said with a small smile directed upwards. "What's going to happen now?"

"Well…I think we should continue to have aaaaamazing sex and continue on like we are"

"In secret?" Castiel said with a furrowed brow.

"Well, yeah, but not because I'm ashamed of you, Cas, because I'm not but you know our classmates and they are hounds for gossip" Dean said in a reassuring tone stroking down his cheek.

Castiel looked over him and nodded once in agreement reaching up to peck his lips smiling when Dean probed his mouth with his tongue.

"Amazing sex" Castiel whispered in awe looking up at him.

"Oh yeah" Dean said with a grin. "You're a brilliant first timer, Casanova"

"Casanova?" Castiel questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Go with it"

"Okay"

Dean felt a tickle in his gut at the adoration reflected back at him and frowned moving to slide in between his thighs.

"Where has this sudden trust come from?"

"Narnia"

"Be serious"

"I am! It's unusual and I-I don't know why, Dean, but it's just there and…I have just had sex with you and you do remember my conversation" Castiel said readjusting so Dean settled comfortably on his chest.

"I remember well"

"I told you I would only lose it to someone I knew wasn't going to leave me…"

Dean looked away from him and sighed deeply letting his head fall into the crook of his neck breathing warm air there and inhaling the faint smell of sex, sweat, and old cologne. He liked the smell immensely and closed his eyes when hesitant hands wrapped into his hair and a warm mouth pressed into his hair.

They lay together sharing kisses and caress before Castiel sighed pushing at his shoulders and sat up.

"I have to leave"

Dean pouted watching him climb off the bed dressing once again and looking in the mirror running a hand into his tousled hair. Castiel smiled meeting his eyes in the mirror and turned on the spot pulling on his jacket.

"You said I was sexy but you…you have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?"

Dean flushed blinking and shoved the cover off standing on shaky legs and pulled on his pants.

"You're insane"

"Yes" Castiel affirmed with a nod moving over and smiling when Dean kissed him softly. Dean brushed his nose against his and pulled back looking him over.

"I'll see you tomorrow" Castiel said moving to the door.

"See you later" Dean murmured watching him look back and smirk before descending down the stairs and out of the door. Castiel felt an ache in his lower region but he enjoyed it immensely as he hurried back to the apartment knowing Gabriel would be worried about him. He ran up the stairs and opened the apartment door to see Gabriel strewn out on the couch.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"I was out with a friend" Castiel said with a shrug hanging up his jacket. "Sorry I forgot to call"

Gabriel hummed in disapproval looking back to his programme. Castiel moved to the kitchen pulling out a snack feeling his stomach rumble and the smell that was all Dean lingered in the air around him. He bit down on his bottom lip feeling like giggling like a schoolgirl.

Dean lay back on his bed and sat up with a troubled sigh. He knew he had to keep them on the lowdown but what he needed to do first was end something that should have never ever started.

**~0~0~0~**

Dean marched through the hallway the next day attempting to find Az and found him leaning against the wall smoking a joint.

"Az" he said in greeting.

"Dean, how is the dare going?" he said with a teasing smirk.

"There is no dare, Az, it's off, it's over, it's void" he said with a snarl. "I'm not doing it and you are not taking my car because you're pathetic enough to lose yours"

"What did you say?" Az hissed in a cold voice looking towards him. "I'll say when it's over…"

"No I'll say! This childish dare is over and I'm not fucking him to humiliate him anymore" Dean hissed moving towards him and slamming him against the wall. "You're so pathetic and I was…even more pathetic to accept it. No wonder Alistair hates you"

Az hissed in pain throwing him off and staring at him with murderous eyes.

"I am more loyal to Alistair than you are, Winchester"

"I couldn't care less…I've always wanted out" Dean said in disgust. "The dare is off, Az"

"Couldn't get into the delicate flowers pants then?" Az said with a cold laugh.

"No" Dean lied. "I realised how stupid I was to listen to someone like you"

Az watched Dean walk away and rubbed his sore shoulder narrowing his eyes and swore revenge on him if it was the last thing he would do.

Dean walked down the corridor and stopped near his locker breathing out shakily. It was over. He had actually ended it. Dean smirked and opened the door shoving his bag inside and turned seeing Castiel walking with Balthazar. Blue eyes looked up to meet his and he flashed him a grin. Castiel blushed biting down on his bottom lip and turned moving to his locker opening it up and pulling out his books for next lesson.

"What are you so happy about?" Balthazar said looking over him.

"Life" Castiel murmured with a small smile closing it over and glancing at Dean who was now talking to Jo. "It's funny sometimes don't you think?"

"I guess" Balthazar said slowly looking over to Dean and back to Castiel confused.

"So" Jo whispered nudging him. "Have you spoken to him?"

"Yep" Dean said with a nod. "I've had more of a talk with him"

"What have you done?"

"What do you think?" Dean said with a small smile looking away from her.

Jo gasped looking down at Castiel and back up to Dean in shocked awe.

"Sex" she mouthed and laughed baffled when he nodded. "I can't believe it, I can't actually believe it! You hated him"

"Well now I like him"

"Two enemies fucking each other, it's like a soap drama"

"Bloody hell you and your soap dramas" Dean muttered with a roll of his eyes. "Yes I hated him once upon a time but that's old news and well…he's a little tiger in the sack"

Dean laughed when Jo closed her eyes shaking her head in astonishment. His eyes moved down to see Castiel in a heavy conversation with Balthazar and he felt a flare of jealously mixed with gnawing hunger to touch, kiss, and fuck him into oblivion. Castiel felt eyes on him and looked up to meet his and smiled softly.

"Excuse me" Dean said to Jo with a wink. Castiel waited with baited breath as he came over and nodded at Balthazar.

"Cas, can I speak to you?"

"Yes" Castiel said with a nod brushing a hand on Balthazar's arm ignoring the pointed gaze directed at the both of them. Dean led the way as they walked down the corridor heading up the stairs. Castiel looked around the deserted corridor and gasped when Dean shoved him against the wall devouring his mouth.

"Dean – we can't" he hissed against his mouth looking away frantically.

"Come on" Dean hissed linking their hands together and tugged him towards an old cupboard. Castiel frowned looking around the dusty shelves and books raising an eyebrow.

"How romantic" he said sarcastically.

"Plenty of time for romance" Dean said dryly bringing him forward in the dim light kissing him hard. Castiel eagerly responded falling back and hitting the shelf behind him and gasping with a laugh when books and papers fluttered around them.

"Look, Cas, it's your reputation" Dean said amused pointing at the papers dropping around them.

"You're not funny"

"I'm freaking hilarious" Dean murmured pressing him against the wood and tilting back his head when Castiel kissed down his throat hungrily.

"I dreamt of you last night" Castiel whispered huskily against his skin. "You were fucking me into the mattress so hard it hurt when I woke up…I wanted you so bad…I wanted you in between my thighs sucking me till I was screaming"

Dean moaned digging his nails into his sides and lifted flamed eyes to meet mischievous blue ones.

"You're secretly a little whore aren't you?"

"Yes" Castiel murmured grinding against him in experiment and smiling when he got the right result back. Dean groaned pressing his erection into his thigh feeling his skin grow hot and sweat start to cover his back and forehead at the heat between them.

"I want you so bad"

Castiel moaned in confirmation and linked their hands as he shuffled downwards onto his knees looking up at Dean. Dean stared down at him shocked and fell back with a shocked gasp when he slipped nimble fingers into his zip and button pulling them down and freeing the hard cock. Castiel stared at him with a cocked head curiously and licked gently tasting the pre-cum settling there and startled Dean.

"_Cas"_ Dean breathed in awe. "Just take it easy, use your mouth and lips like I did…no teeth"

Castiel nodded tonguing the slit feeling Dean's hands pull at his hair with a guttural moan escaping his lips. He didn't stop as his lips formed a perfect "O" and sucked on the end gently being careful not to use his teeth.

Dean's moans filled the small space and he panted for more longing to thrust into the tight warm mouth accepting him eagerly. Castiel took him into his mouth and hit his gag reflex instantly and pulled out gagging.

"It's okay, Cas, just take it slow" Dean reassured breathless.

Castiel nodded taking him back into his mouth avoiding the back of his throat and let his mouth and lips do the work. Dean's breathe caught every time he did something new but the lack of experience was evident. His tongue made up for it as he licked the underside sucking him harder and his hands moved up cupping his balls in his hands massaging them gently. Dean gasped throwing his head back and squeezed Castiel's hair in warning as he spilled down it causing Castiel to gag in surprise spilling some down his chin but he swallowed eagerly.

Dean kept him in place till he was spent and breathless against the shelves digging into his back and he looked down at Castiel licking his lips.

"You gorgeous son of a…" Dean hissed dragging him up and kissing him fiercely tasting his come coated on his chin and lips feeling giddy. "You are incredible"

"Really?" Castiel murmured with a smile when he turned his head nuzzling the side of his neck.

"Yes" Dean said seriously looking into his eyes. "You will never know how thankful I am for changing and seeing the error of my ways, you seeing that I'm not a total monster, and trusting me enough to take your virginity"

"I'm just insane" Castiel said with a smile and a chuckle when Dean wrapped his arms around his neck resting his cheek against his.

"You're amazing" Dean said thoughtfully feeling Castiel rest his hands on the small of his back gently and bit his lip hoping he could have this forever. Why couldn't he have all what he wanted and more?

**~0~0~0~**

Az pulled out his phone dialling Alistair's number till he picked up with a loud, "WHAT?" down the phone.

"Boss, it's me, I have some news for you and think I may have found a new recruit for you…he'll do whatever you want"

Az hung up hearing the confirmation on the phone and looked over to Adam fiddling on his phone. His eyes narrowed and he laughed softly flipping his phone catching it with a swift flick of his wrist.

"Your days are numbered, Winchester"

**A/N: You are all amazing. Thank you for reviewing! **


	10. Chapter 10

"Okay, Mr Happy, you have been smiling, singing show tunes, and basically not you" Gabriel said looking him over. Castiel smirked at him from the sofa looking back to his laptop and shrugged his shoulders.

"Am I not allowed to be happy?"

"Yes…but what's the reason?"

Gabriel eyed him and gasped pointing a finger at his neck. "Is that a hickey?"

"Maybe"

"Who from?"

Castiel turned bright eyes towards him fighting a smile. "Guess"

"If it's the person I think it is I'm going to beat you"

"Go on"

"Dean Winchester"

"Well done" Castiel commented turning his head away.

"I knew it! I knew you two would be fucking if you weren't fighting"

"Do you want a medal?" Castiel muttered dryly. "Yes, I-I lost something to him"

Gabriel's eyes narrowed and he dropped down on the sofa looking over him.

"Is my little brother deflowered?"

"Gabriel!" Castiel said with a roll of his eyes. "But…yes, we've had sex"

"Good man!" Gabriel said with a whoop hitting his shoulder. "You finally understand the sweet, sweet joy of sex"

Castiel blushed looking down at his hands. "It was unexpected and he's changed! He's so different, Gabe, and he was amazing…in every way, and his hate for me came from nothing! It was jealously and childish games and I only hated him back because he hated me"

"I believe you"

"Are you in work today?"

"Ten till four" he said with a groan standing up and moving to get ready for work. Castiel placed his laptop down pulling his phone towards him.

_**Fancy hanging out today? C.**_

Castiel sent the message and leaned back waiting for the reply. His mouth flicked into a smile when he got a reply.

_**Hell yes. I'll be there soon. D. **_

Castiel closed his eyes with a smile hopping up and moving into the kitchen.

Dean dressed quickly ignoring the fact he had only had a few hours' sleep feeling a little buzz of excitement. He walked downstairs to see Mary humming and cleaning the living room.

"You never stop do you?" he said looking her over amused. "Relax, mom, you work all week and now you're cleaning up"

"Well I have two messy boys to look and clean after don't I?" she replied looking over her shoulder with a warm smile. "Are you going to see Castiel?"

"Yes" he said with a roll of his eyes.

"I am so, so, so, glad you finally saw the error of your ways and made friends with him" Mary said softly dusting the sides.

"I know" he murmured in reply. "He's more than a friend though mom"

"I know" she said with a hidden smile strolling into the kitchen. "Can I meet him officially?"

"No"

"Why not?" she said astounded.

"Because its early days, mom, and we're not at that stage yet" he said with a huff picking up his keys. "I'll see you later"

Mary fluttered her fingers at him wiping her hands on the tea towel and sighed looking out of the window to see him getting into his car driving away. Dean drove over to the apartments arriving ten minutes later and darting up to the door. His hand hovered before knocking timidly and stepping back.

Castiel opened the door and smiled when Dean eyed him carefully. "Why-why are you covered in flour?"

"I'm baking cookies" Castiel said stepping aside to let him in.

Dean blinked confused stepping inside and looking back to him. "Is anyone in?"

"No, Gabriel left five minutes ago and I'm baking because…well because" he said with a shrug. "It's a Saturday and we have nothing in"

"Cute" Dean said with a nod gripping his wrist pulling him to his chest. "You are full of surprises"

"Good surprises I hope" he murmured with a smile when he kissed him.

"Yeah"

Castiel pulled back moving to the kitchen and beckoned him over.

"Fancy helping me?"

"Sure" he murmured shrugging off his jacket and standing next to him. "Choc chip, you're a man after my own heart but pie…pie gets you into my pants"

Castiel chuckled grabbing the bowl stirring the mixture together thoughtfully. Dean hummed dipping his finger in and sucking on it gently in approval.

"These are going to be amazing"

Castiel nodded checking the recipe and didn't notice Dean pick up a blob and smear it over his cheek.

"Dean!" he cried when he laughed at him moving away. "Don't you start…"

"Start what?" he murmured moving towards him and picking up the spoon smacking it on his forehead. Castiel gasped at the cold mixture on his forehead slowly trickling down and looked across at him howling with laughter. His hand reached out slowly and calmly taking the tea towel and wiping it off before grabbing the flour quickly blowing it in Dean's face. Dean choked moving back covered in flour and glared at Castiel chuckling and smirking when he brushed it off.

"You're a dead man"

"Oh can't play your own game?" Castiel cooed moving back and gasping when Dean charged forward grabbing the flour and mashing some into his face and hair. Castiel pulled back gasping and heaving for breath whilst Dean laughed hard at his shocked expression.

"Casper, you are one sexy ghost" Dean remarked when he shoved at his shoulders. Castiel scowled rubbing at his eyes and looked down at his body shocked.

"I'm a mess, you're a mess, and this place is a mess!" he said pointing a finger at him. "You are bad for me"

"I'm exactly right for you and you know it" he teased moving back towards him. "We're complete opposites…you're the light and I'm the dark…I'm the bad and you're the good…we don't work without each other"

Castiel stared into his eyes shocked and smiled shyly looking away from him.

"I've never quite thought about it like that before"

Dean raised an eyebrow amused looking to his shoulder and laughed.

"You've left your handprint on me, Cas"

"Have I?" he murmured moving closer to inspect it and lay his hand over the white mark on his shoulder. "It means…hands off bitches"

"Oh really" Dean said with a puff of laughter. "Claiming me now"

"Yes" Castiel affirmed with a nod bringing him into a kiss.

Dean moaned cupping the back of his neck tasting flour and the mixture of his lips.

"Let's get this mixture in and bake" Dean said pulling back. "Then I can show you the joys of sex in a shower"

Castiel gaped at him and nodded frantically moving to spoon the rest of the mixture into the baking tray and shoved it in the oven.

"Sex in a shower" he said in a questioning tone.

"Oh baby" Dean murmured tugging his hand. "Where's your bathroom?"

Castiel led the way as they entered the bathroom and he switched on the water looking back to Dean who met his eyes with a small smile.

"Strip" Dean purred into his ear and smiling when he shivered pulling off his clothes quickly till he was naked covered in flour and mixture. Dean laughed softly pushing him in and joined him moments later enjoying the warm spray.

"Turn around" he murmured washing off the ingredients stuck in his hair and face. Castiel closed his eyes humming and moaning gently as his fingers worked into his hair and down his face till every trace had disappeared down the drain. Dean moved him out working on his own and scrubbed at his face till the flour was eventually gone.

"Beautiful" Castiel murmured looking up at him.

"Liar" Dean whispered tilting his chin up and capturing his mouth in a soft kiss. Castiel responded immediately sliding his hands up his wet skin to cup his neck fitting against his body perfectly and warm. Dean pulled back slowly staring into his open eyes reflecting nothing but honesty and warmth he knew he didn't deserve.

"Turn around" Dean whispered watching him spin so his back rested against his. His hands moved down gripping the soap and sliding the bubbles over his fingers before cupping his ass cheeks gently. Castiel gasped jolting forward till he hit the tiles moaning ardently. Dean parted them slowly slipping his fingers into the tightness wiggling his fingers and brought him back suddenly so they wedged deep inside of him.

Castiel gasped silently staring up at the ceiling before reaching back to wrap his fingers into his wet hair. Dean scissored them wider feeling the resistance at first but the hot water helped a great deal as he opened him wider. His hand slammed out startling Dean who removed his fingers pressing his back against his and moaning when he rocked his hips backwards.

"Whore" Dean hissed into his ear.

Castiel moaned breathless when his arm wound around his waist keeping him in place and he felt the gentle pressure of the head of his cock.

"Fuck me" Castiel said opening his eyes with a gasp when Dean thrust his hips forward sliding inside of him. It was perfect for Castiel who moaned loudly throwing his hands against the tiled wall with a loud wet slap echoing around the small space. Dean gripped his hips thrusting harder into him enjoying the warmth of the water pound down on them. Castiel moaned looking down at the bathtub and fell back leaning against Dean's shoulder.

"You feel amazing" Dean whispered into his ear with a growl. Castiel chuckled breathlessly rocking back into him feeling pleasure explode all over him like sparks. Their hands slid together intertwining perfectly as they rocked together under the water. Dean freed one of his hands wrapping it around his cock using the bubbles of the soap to stroke down the length. His thumb stroked over the head rubbing the slit till a keening cry escaped his lips, his head bending forward, and his orgasm ripping through him suddenly. Dean smiled into the back of his neck when he stuttered going limp against him and thrusted hard into him before his muscles clamped and he climaxed hard.

"You said I was amazing but you…you, Dean Winchester, are a miracle wrapped in a bow" Castiel said breathless with a small smile when Dean laughed wrapping his arms around his waist. "That was incredible; I really, really, like sex"

The laughter continued in his ear and he turned looking into the lust filled green eyes.

"I told my brother about you"

"My mom wants to meet you"

Castiel gasped shocked and grinned with a nod. "I'd love to meet her"

"One day"

"My brother kinda knew, he always said if we didn't hate each other we would be fucking"

Discomfort squirmed in Dean who wrinkled his nose and nodded. "I've heard that before but not from your brother"

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter" Dean said brushing it aside and switching off the shower. "The cookies will be done soon"

"You have no clothes to wear" Castiel said wrapping a towel around his waist.

"I'll be fine" Dean said slowly looking him up and down amazed. "You look sexy all wet and fucked out"

Castiel regarded him amused and moved out of the bathroom heading to the bedroom. Dean closely followed inhaling deeply the smell of baking cookies and looked around when they entered his bedroom. His eyes noticed the plainness and lack of personal belongings in the room which surprised him but he didn't question it. Castiel pulled on a pair of joggers and a white t-shirt preferring to be comfortable.

"Here" Castiel said throwing a large t-shirt over. "It's huge on me"

Dean narrowed his eyes pulling the green top on and shrugged his shoulders. "It'll do"

Castiel smiled in confirmation running a hand into his own hair and turning towards the door.

"Come on, we need to clean that kitchen and you made half the mess"

"Lies"

"Just shut up and help me" Castiel said moving outside.

Dean plucked at the shirt feeling a warmth rush over him and turned on his heel walking out to help him with a happy stride.

_**~0~0~0~**_

One hour later they were lying together on the couch, Dean on his back whilst Castiel straddled his lap munching on cookies.

"You are a fabulous cook" Dean said licking his lips and smiling when Castiel leaned down to kiss him and moved back with a nod.

"Gabriel is a sweet tooth and regularly bakes cakes, sweets, and cookies" he said with a sigh. "I like to help and listen"

"I can see that now" he murmured. "Do me a favour?"

"Yes"

"Bake me a pie like a good little housewife" he said sweetly and laughed when he smacked his chest.

"I am not your wife"

"Nope, you're my Juliet"

Castiel narrowed his eyes fighting a smile and grabbed another cookie eating it in chunks.

"I'm glad that is all over and done with soon"

"Bored of me already?" Dean said faking astonishment.

"No of course not but I am bored with Mr Shurley talking about them"

"Too true" Dean said with a sigh wriggling underneath him and tucking his hands under his head. "Does Balthazar know about us?"

"No" Castiel said with a shake of his head. "I feel bad for lying to him"

"So? He'd only break us up because of his little crush on your cute ass"

"I know" he murmured tracing his fingers over his stomach. "I know how he feels and I love him, I love him as my best friend but I have no romantic feelings for him"

"Good"

Castiel poked him hard in the belly button and smiling when he yelped like a little girl scowling up at him.

"What was that for?"

"Jealously, Dean"

"So?"

Castiel heaved a deep sigh dusting his hands and moving down tucking into his side. Dean looked over to him and looked over him curiously seeing conflict in his eyes.

"What is it?"

"Nothing" Castiel murmured fisting a hand into the shirt.

"Liar, what's going on?" Dean whispered turning to face him.

Castiel didn't respond and simply trailed his fingers down his cheek and jaw in awe.

"I find this a little too hard to believe sometimes…how it can have changed so much in the space of a few weeks…do you think it was always there?"

Dean swallowed shrugging one shoulder up and down. "I don't know"

"I hated you so much and now I can't stop thinking about you, I can't sleep without speaking to you beforehand…my dreams aren't filled with terrors but you instead" he murmured looking into his eyes. "I'm losing it aren't I?"

"No" Dean said with a shake of his head. "Because if you are, so am I"

"No will understand" Castiel whispered after a minute of silence. "Balthazar won't and neither will Becky"

"Jo understands" Dean said looking at the couch.

"She knows!"

"She kinda figured it out" Dean said with a raised eyebrow. "She's a smart girl"

"She doesn't judge us?"

"Hell no, she encourages it!" Dean replied with a laugh. "She hated that I had always hated you over childish reasons and well…she has her wish"

"My friends won't because they hate you too" he whispered looking up to him. "I need Balthazar's approval"

"What if he doesn't give it?"

"I'll lose a good friend"

Dean swallowed touching his cheek and moved down to look directly into his eyes.

"Don't you dare lose a friend over me, Cas"

"I don't…"

"No" Dean said in a stern tone. "Friends before boyfriends or girlfriends"

Castiel opened his mouth to retort back only to snap it shut with a look of surprise.

"Boyfriend?"

Dean flushed red looking away and stuttered not knowing how to handle it and moaned softly.

"I don't know, just ignore what I said"

"Boyfriend" Castiel cooed into his ear and smiled pulling back. "I like it"

"You bloody would"

"Is that what we are?"

"Cas, I have no idea what we are but I like to think we are taking it a day at a time till we reach a decision" Dean said quickly. "Is that okay?"

Castiel stared back at him with hard eyes till they softened all over and he bobbed his head in confirmation.

"Yes"

They lay together for a long time swapping stories till they heard footsteps and Castiel sat up looking at the time.

"Gabriel is back" he hissed looking down at Dean who sat up alarmed.

"You've got to be kidding me"

"No" Castiel murmured scrambling up and standing when the door opened revealing Gabriel who looked tired and withdrawn.

"Hey" he murmured and stopped staring at Castiel's sheepish expression. "…and company"

"Gabe, this is Dean" he said looking over to him with pleading eyes.

Gabriel's eyes narrowed and he moved forward looking at Dean who refused to meet his gaze. His tongue clucked in his cheek and he regarded him carefully.

"Dean Winchester, the infamous Dean Winchester should I say"

"Yes" Dean said with a nod looking up to meet his eyes and grimacing.

"You've been giving my little brother a _lot _of trouble, haven't you?"

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry for what I did and Cas knows that" Dean said desperately.

Gabriel hummed looking over to him and back to Dean.

"I can tell" he said softly moving over to him and crouching down to meet Dean's eyes. "If you hurt him again though I will kill you, I won't let anyone hurt my baby brother ever again and now I've seen your face…well I won't forget, Deano"

"I understand" Dean said with a tight swallow watching him get up and flash him an easy grin. "I can smell cookies"

"In the fridge" Castiel said with an eye roll.

Dean breathed out shakily looking into Castiel's eyes who came over and dropped down next to him stroking a hand down his arm locking their hands together.

"One day at a time" he whispered into his ear and gave him a small honest smile when he leaned his forehead against his. Dean inhaled the sweet smell of cookies and soap feeling comforted and the warmth in his chest explode into something he was deadly afraid of. He didn't know if he was prepared for it just yet and the mess it would leave behind would be explosive when Castiel eventually learnt the truth about his job and the dare. Dean wasn't sure he was prepared to let him go just yet.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews. Keep them coming!**


	11. Chapter 11

"You are telling the truth right?" Adam said to Az as they walked toward the office door. Az smiled softly touching his shoulder.

"Adam, he knows how much you want to join and since Winchester won't help you…I am" he said gesturing at the door. "He asked for you personally"

"What?" he breathed staring at the door. "Okay"

Az watched him walk into the office and laughed moving back down the corridor. Adam stared at Alistair behind his desk typing on the computer.

"Adam" he said pleasantly looking over to him. "It is a pleasure to meet you at last"

"How do you know about me?"

"My sources are very reliable" Alistair said clasping his hands together. "I hear you are very good friends with my boy, Dean"

"Yeah" Adam said with a nod sitting down slowly. "He wouldn't be happy about me being here"

"Oh" Alistair said with a cocked head staring at him with cold eyes. Adam swallowed feeling nervous and an itch settled underneath his skin that he couldn't shrug away. He didn't like Alistair one bit and he was beginning to doubt why he was here.

"I hear from my sources that Dean doesn't want to be here"

"Well…he doesn't like it" Adam said with a shrug.

Alistair hummed tapping his chin. "Why would that be? He seems to be perfectly content"

"I don't know"

"He hasn't said anything, um, why are we talking about Dean…I-I thought I was here for a job" Adam said with a tight swallow.

Alistair's eyes flashed grey and he moved forward looking him up and down.

"I have a job for you...Adam" he hissed moving back. "I want you to watch Dean"

"What?"

"Yes, my boy Dean, he's being acting most odd and now he wants to quit I hear" he said with clasped hands. "I need you to report _anything _back to me"

"You're asking me to spy on one of my best friends" Adam whispered horrified.

"You wanted the money didn't you?" Alistair said in a cool tone slipping over a white envelope. Adam picked it up slowly peering inside and sucking in a sharp breath.

"Do your job, Adam, and there will be plenty more" he said with a cruel smile.

Adam swallowed shoving it into his pocket and nodded once darting up and leaving the office. Az turned when he came up and shoved his shoulder hard against the wall.

"Whoa there cowboy"

"You knew!" he hissed at him.

"Knew what?"

"That I would have to spy on Dean"

"You have to spy on Dean?" Az said with narrowed eyes.

"Yes!"

Az smirked shoving him off him so he hit the other wall with a bang.

"Then you had better do a good job, Adam, because if I was you…I wouldn't get on the wrong side of Alistair Owen"

Adam watched him walk away feeling sick with nerves and looked down at the ground knowing he was right.

_**~0~0~0~**_

"Dean!"

Dean turned to see Jo waving a hand in front of his face dramatically and irritated by his lack of concentration on her. Jo looked over to where he was staring and huffed turning back to glare at him.

"Why don't you just go over there and fuck his brains out?"

Dean smirked amused at her irritation. "Who says I haven't?"

"What are you, animals?"

"He is a little tiger in bed" Dean replied looking over to Castiel with his friends. Jo rolled her eyes shoving his shoulder hard.

"I asked if you were coming Joshua's garden party for his seventeenth" she said with a huff.

"Yes!" he exclaimed moving away from her.

Castiel looked up hearing the exclamation and met his eyes with a small smile. Dean crooked his finger beckoning him over and smiled when he blushed with a nod. Becky noticed the exchange and reached out fixing a hand over his wrist.

"Wait" she ordered him. "Are you and him…you know"

Castiel looked over to Balthazar who fixed him with knowing eyes.

"Yes" he breathed with a nod looking to the both of them. "I know it's difficult to understand, believe me, but he has changed and for the better"

"Do you like him?"

"Yes, I like him, I care about him a lot right now and I have no idea what's happening between us but…" he said with a gesture.

Balthazar sniffed in disapproval. "I don't trust him"

"I don't expect you to"

"If he hurts you…"

"I'll let you and Gabriel team up" Castiel said with a small smile. "Becky?"

Becky opened her mouth and closed it with a snap. "I'm with Balthazar"

"That's the best I can hope for" he murmured jumping up and heading down to meet Dean halfway. Dean grinned when he stopped in front of him with a tilted head.

"How can I help you?" he said in a formal tone.

"You're not funny" Dean said shaking his head at him.

"Insulting me?"

"Yes" Dean whispered casting a look around and moving into his personal space.

"Dean" Castiel whispered astonished. "We can't, not here"

"I know" Dean said with a nod holding up a book to cover their faces. Castiel cast a glance at it and smirked when he leant in brushing his lips over his and pulling back.

"Jesus Christ, you two" Jo said walking over. "It's like a rom com"

"Shut up" Dean said glancing over to her.

"Cas, are you coming to Joshua's party?"

"I hadn't thought about it"

"You have to" Dean insisted with a nod looking over to him. "I can get you super drunk"

"Hey!" Adam said coming over and looking between Castiel and Dean with a furrowed brow. "Something I'm missing?"

"We've made friends, haven't we?" he said softly looking over to Castiel who nodded in confirmation. Adam looked between them baffled looking away and over to Jo typing on her phone distracted.

"Joshua's party tomorrow, Adam?"

"Sure" he said looking between Dean and Castiel confused. Dean indicated his head to him as they went inside leaving them behind.

Dean tugged on his hand dragging him into an empty classroom and kissing him soundly on the mouth. Castiel moaned dragging his hands up into his hair and gasping in surprise when he pushed him back into a desk lifting him up. He wrapped his legs around Dean's waist stroking his tongue along his feeling heat prickle over his skin.

"I'm going to get you so drunk" Dean whispered against his lips. "I want to see you lose complete control"

"Likewise" Castiel purred wrapping his arms around his neck.

Adam who had followed after him peered inside and gasped pulling back astounded and swallowed hard not knowing what to think or do. He backed up running down the corridor and out of the door no longer looking back.

Dean gave a frown glancing at the door and back to Castiel who cocked his head at him confused.

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"It was probably nothing" Dean murmured pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Are you coming tomorrow then?"

"I don't know…will I be wanted?"

"Of course you will! I'll be there and I want _you _there" Dean whispered against his jaw inhaling his cologne and moaned clutching him closer. "This smell is on my pillow and I never, ever, want to wash it"

Castiel snorted pulling back giving him a strange look. "You are so strange, Dean"

"Says the one" Dean murmured pecking small kisses down his jaw. "I guess I'm now just obsessed with you"

"I need a restraining order"

"That's mean" Dean hissed dragging his hands up the navy jumper feeling his skin causing him to jump and groan helplessly.

"You're screwing with my head, my dreams, and now my body" Castiel murmured tilting back his head giving him full access to his neck.

"That's the idea"

"I want to meet your mom" Castiel murmured looking into his eyes feeling dizzy and helpless. Dean narrowed his eyes in contemplation before stroking his fingers down his cheek and nodded once.

"Okay, it seems only fair since your crazy brother threatened to kill me"

"You know he's protective of me, he always has been"

"I know, Cas, you can meet her tonight if you want"

"Really?" he breathed his eyes flaring in excitement. "She's not going to…dislike me is she?"

Dean scoffed amused and captured his head with his hands pressing his forehead against his.

"My mom will love you! She's dying to meet you, Cas, she's happy that we're on good terms now and she would never hate you"

"Okay" Castiel murmured stealing a kiss and smiling widely when Dean growled nuzzling the side of his neck. "I can't remember being this happy, ever, I hope it lasts"

Dean held him close looking up and wishing the very same thing. After that the day passed quickly for the both of them.

"I have to pick my little brother up first" Dean said with a wink after they had finished school, turning towards Sam's school. Castiel clenched his fists together feeling nervous and looked down at his lap instead of outside to see students walking home and catching the bus.

"Hey, Dean" Sam said and stopped surprised. "Hey, Cas"

"Hello, Sam" he murmured meeting his eyes to see a small easy smile.

"Get in" Dean ordered pointing to the back.

Sam rolled his eyes blowing a raspberry at him as he slid inside and slammed the door.

"Are you here to meet mom?" Sam said leaning forward. "She's incredible; you're going to love her"

"I'm sure I will" Castiel said with a small smile.

"Is she in?"

"Yeah, her shift ended early" Dean said turning into their road.

Castiel swallowed feeling butterflies flutter wildly in his stomach and he looked over to Dean who met his eyes with an easy smile. Dean reached out squeezing his hand and parked in the drive waiting till Sam jumped out running to the door to alert her of their new visitor.

"I'm scared, why am I scared?" Castiel whispered frantically.

"Baby, it's fine, my mom will probably want to cuddle you to death" he said with a dramatic eye roll. Castiel followed after him looking around the small house and could feel the welcoming presence.

"Mom?" Dean called out looking around her and found her and Sam in the living room. Mary turned with a pleasant expression gracing her features.

"Mom, this is Cas" he said shoving him forward gently.

Castiel met her gaze and nodded once. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs Winchester"

"Castiel is it?"

"Yes" he said with another bob of his head.

Mary stepped forward looking him up and down carefully. "It's lovely to meet you"

"You too" he murmured.

"You want something to eat or drink?"

"A drink would be amazing right now" he croaked out.

Mary smiled moving away and towards the kitchen. Castiel collapsed back against Dean who wrapped his arms around his waist kissing his temple softly.

"Was it really so bad?"

"No…she's lovely" he murmured leaning his forehead against the side of his neck. "She's everything a mother should be"

Mary returned with a glass of juice handing it over and looking over them with a fond smile.

"I am so glad that Dean decided to take on himself to end that stupid feud and realise what you really meant to him"

"Mom" Dean whined moving away to drop down on the sofa.

"Me too" Castiel murmured placing his drink down on a coaster and earning the nod of respect from Mary who moved to sit down on her chair. Castiel eyed Dean who held out his arm for him to move into and nibbled on his lip nervously.

"You have a beautiful home, Mrs Winchester"

"Mary, love, it sounds so formal" she said waving a hand at him.

"Okay, you have a beautiful home, Mary"

Dean smirked behind his hand looking over to him. "You are far too polite"

"They are called manners, Dean" Mary said throwing him a look of disapproval.

Castiel flashed a small smile and looked over to Dean. Dean sneered leaning back and watching Castiel and his mom interact feeling a warm glow in his heart that wouldn't fade and instead glowed even brighter consuming him.

_**~0~0~0~**_

"Party?" Gabriel questioned that next day seeing Castiel wearing a checked shirt, low slung jeans, and smart shoes. "You never go to parties"

"Times change old man" Castiel muttered and ducked when Gabriel threw a couch cushion at him annoyed.

"I am not old!" he protested.

"Sure" Castiel murmured picking up his phone.

"Dean has brought out this cheeky, adventurous, Castiel, and I think I like it"

"So do I" Castiel said with a grin. "He's the dark to my light"

"Oh god" Gabriel murmured turning away from him.

Castiel chuckled opening the new message to see Dean was outside.

"I'll be back late" he called grabbing his keys.

"Have fun!"

Castiel shut the door and walked down to the car opening the door and sliding in to see Dean's eyes widen as he took him in. There was a fine chill in the air and he shivered welcoming the heat of the car.

"Shit, Cas"

"What?" he said fearfully look down at body and back to Dean who chose to wear black and white from a fitting t-shirt to indescribable jeans. Castiel squeaked surprised when he dragged him over kissing him fiercely.

"You look gorgeous" he murmured huskily looking him up and down.

"Oh" Castiel breathed with a small smile. "So do you"

"I'd rather fuck you in here" Dean murmured gripping him tight.

"I love that idea but I'd rather get drunk beforehand because I've had a crap week with all this work they are throwing at us"

"Fine" Dean murmured shoving him back with a lustful desire evident in his eyes.

The drive over to Joshua's party took fifteen minutes and when they arrived.

"Who has a garden party in November?"

"Joshua, he has heaters apparently" Dean said with a shrug stepping back. The door opened revealing Joshua who welcomed them in with a raised eyebrow of surprise to the two of them together.

"Dean!" Jo shouted beckoning him over and smiled when she saw Castiel behind him fingers brushing the back of his jacket to keep a hold of him. Dean grabbed the two beers she was 2holding out for them and handed one over to him.

"Relax!" he hissed at him. "Drink okay?"

Castiel nodded knocking it back and wrinkling his nose in disgust. "This is disgusting"

"Well it gets you good and drunk" Dean murmured stroking his hand down his side concealed by the ground. Adam who was sat in the corner noticed the action and looked down at the ground stomach squirming in angst.

"Becky is here" Jo said nodding over to her coming over.

"Becky" Castiel said in relief catching her. "Is Balthazar here?"

"Nope" she said hiccupping. "He-he said he was busy somewhere else"

"Oh" Castiel murmured in disappointment. "You're hammered already"

"I've been having these" she said pushing shots into his hands. "Drink!"

Castiel handed one to Dean before knocking it back and gagging. "These are vile"

"They're amazing!" she sang with a giggle.

"We better do what she says" Dean murmured handing him another. Castiel smiled with a nod knocking it back and wrinkling his nose in disgust but it would do for now.

The night continued on as more drinks were downed and soon Castiel was drunk but Dean was hammered and made it clear all he wanted was Castiel.

"Come here" Dean demanded on the sofa to Castiel who was engaged in a conversation with a fellow student. Castiel eyed him before walking over and straddling his waist.

"You are so, so, sexy" he whispered cradling the side of his cheek.

"Holy shit!" a girl said pointing at them and looking at Jo who laughed and nodded.

"I know but yes…the enemies now fuck each other" she said with a smirk leaning back against Adam. Adam nodded casting an eye over to them knowing they would regret this come morning.

"Kiss me" Dean whispered and eagerly accepted him when Castiel kissed him. His hands gripped the top of his hair pulling it back and devouring his mouth in a filthy kiss that sent gasps throughout everyone who caught sight of them.

"Take me home" Castiel whispered letting go of him and smiling when Dean chuckled with a nod attempting to get home and swaying gently looking at the people staring at them.

"Oh shit" he murmured looking back to Castiel and laughed. "Ah well, come on"

Castiel linked their hands together with a puff of laughter waving at the people staring at them till they reached the front door.

In the back of the room a shocked Ruby looked over to Meg who nodded flipping open her phone and pressing it to her ear.

"I have news, big news; it's about Dean and Castiel"

Dean fell against his car and laughed turning towards Castiel who moved into his personal space claiming his mouth.

"You can't drive" Castiel murmured feeling dizzy and a little sick. "You'll die"

"Would you miss me?"

"Yes" Castiel said with watery eyes looking up to him. "Of course I would, Dean, you're everything to me now"

"Baby" Dean breathed looking into his eyes and kissed him hard on the mouth. "Come on"

Dean opened the passenger door so they slid in together and lay back on the seat.

"We're staying here?" Castiel said wiping at his mouth confused.

"Yep!" Dean said loudly pulling him down next to him and wrapping him up in his arms. "Should we have sex?"

"If you want" Castiel murmured sleepily into his chest. "I can get it up for you"

"Okay…one minute" Dean whispered into his hair shutting his eyes and feeling the drunken lull of sleep claim him and the next moment Castiel.

**~0~0~0~ **

Az put down the phone feeling a bubbling anger in the pit of his stomach. His feet took him forward and he headed towards the main offices.

"Alistair, I need a word" he said walking in.

"What?" Alistair said with cold eyes looking over to him from the window.

"I have a little idea about why Dean may be having second thoughts"

"What?"

"A little dare from me for his long time enemy that he rejected like the coward he is and now he's fallen in love with him"

"Love" Alistair said with a sneer. "Just like his daddy"

Az smiled coldly with a nod pulling out his phone. "Adam and Meg have been most informative on that little matter"

Alistair narrowed his eyes and nodded once. "It'll happen soon and we'll be ready"

Az nodded turning back around and walking out of the office feeling smug and powerful. Stage one was set into motion.

**A/N: Oh you guys! Thank you for all the reviews!**


	12. Chapter 12

Castiel moaned feeling heavy and warm curled around a soft body. His eyes flickered open and he peered up seeing Dean snoring softly next to him. He moaned pushing up and looking around the small area confused before remembering why they were tucked up in the back of the Impala.

"Dean" he murmured softly shaking his shoulder.

Dean grunted annoyed opening one eye to look at Castiel and frowned deeply confused.

"Where the hell are we?" he murmured looking up and around till it dawned on him and he clutched his sore head. "Oh"

"Yes" Castiel murmured resting his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean smiled pressing his lips into his hair and falling back down onto the leather seat feeling his muscles and bones creak, his head pound from an unwelcome hangover, and the warm weight of Castiel draped over him like a blanket.

"I can't believe how much we drank last night" Dean murmured trailing his fingers up and down his back. Castiel hummed softly enjoying the feeling until a memory hit him and he stiffened instantly under Dean's touch.

"We made out in front of everyone, Dean" he whispered up to him.

"What!" Dean hissed looking down at him and swallowing hard. "I can't-I can't remember that"

"We did and now everyone knows" Castiel murmured softly.

"Shit" Dean breathed looking over to him worried. "Did anyone say anything?"

"Not that I can remember but I think everyone was either too drunk to care or too shocked to say anything"

"Christ" he murmured shutting his eyes feeling queasy. "I think we need a nice, warm, comfortable bed to sleep in all day, fancy it?"

Castiel nodded with a small smile and leaned in when he stole a quick kiss. Dean wriggled away from him and pushed open the passenger door cracking his back and feeling his muscles stretch beautifully and his bones pop back into place.

"Oh that's good" Dean murmured looking up at the grey clouds and shivered. "But it's fucking freezing"

Castiel hummed moving out with him and peering around feeling his head bound angrily.

"Come on" Castiel insisted as they climbed into the car and Dean drove them back to his house. The relief was evident on his face as he pulled into the drive and stumbled out heading towards the front door closely followed by Castiel.

"Dean!" Mary said when he walked in and held out a hand.

"We got drunk and crashed in the back of the car mom before you say another word" he said gripping Castiel's hand. "I'm sorry I didn't call but right now all I want is my bed and this one here"

Castiel smiled sheepishly and in apology to Mary as he felt Dean kiss his temple.

Mary looked them over folding her arms over and nodded once. "Fine, I'm just glad you're okay…you know how I worry"

"I know" Dean murmured pulling Castiel towards the stairs. Mary watched them with a fond look and turned towards the TV in relief switching it on. Sam poked his head out of his room and exhaled in his own relief to see Dean.

"You're okay"

"Of course I'm okay, Sam, I got drunk"

"Well it's not the first time you've come back later because of the…"

"Shut it!" Dean hissed at him shaking his head.

Castiel gave a frown glancing between them confused. Sam inhaled and nodded mouthing "sorry" and shut his door softly.

"What did he mean, Dean?"

"Nothing" Dean muttered nearly crying in relief to see his bed. "I need to sleep forever or this hangover will kill me"

Castiel's forehead puckered in confusion and he watched Dean strip off his clothing till he was in nothing but his boxers.

"Are you joining me or are you standing there all day?" Dean murmured slipping under the covers. Castiel swallowed fighting back the impulse to question him over what Dean had stopped Sam from saying and stripped sliding into the bed. Dean's hands pulled him closer so Castiel was lying plastered against him. Their bodies touching in every way, their legs intertwined and locked together, and their hands joined together as one.

"Dean?" Castiel murmured against the skin of his chest kissing it softly. Dean hummed in response pressing his nose and mouth into the fluff of his hair.

"What did Sam mean?"

"Nothing, Cas"

"That's a lie, Dean, because he was about to say something you didn't want me to hear" Castiel said peering up at him. "Please don't lie to me"

Dean swallowed hard and grimaced at the bitter taste in his mouth. His head pounded hard, his heart beat brutally against his chest, and his stomach churned with sickness and butterflies.

"I'm not…I just- it isn't important" he whispered looking into his eyes. "Can we just sleep first?"

"Okay" Castiel breathed looking down and staring at the wall opposite. Dean's fingers trailed up his back causing Castiel to shiver nestling closer to him. Moments later, Castiel heard the familiar soft snore from Dean who fell instantly back to sleep leaving Castiel to peer up at him feeling warm and protected from a guy he swore to loathe till his last breath. It still and would always baffle him how things changed for them so quickly. Castiel stared at the scars on his arms feeling an ache in his chest. His dreams of his father, the abuse, and the cutting had slowly disappeared replaced with soft kisses, caresses, and Dean being his one constant. His heart beat studiously against his chest and he felt something hotter and brighter burn in his chest that was no longer lust. Castiel wasn't afraid to admit that over the weeks, the days, the hours, and the minutes he had seen a new side to Dean that made him want to curl in a small ball relishing it and he had fallen in love with him. Dean was different and would always be different but that's what Castiel loved about him.

Castiel was frightened by the new emotion festering away inside him but it was giving him time to enjoy it, relish it, and hopefully show it to Dean one day. He had no idea how Dean felt but he _knew _he cared about him. It couldn't be a lie or trickery.

His head fell back on Dean's chest listening to the thump of his heart which soothed him to a sleep which welcomed him with open arms.

Hours passed unnoticed till Dean opened his eyes feeling warm and heavy from a deep undisturbed sleep to see Castiel's back turned the other way. His mouth formed into a small smile and he stretched out feeling the need to piss. Dean moved out of his bedroom padding to the bathroom and rolled his head back feeling pleasure at the release. His thoughts travelled back to Castiel and he knew the questions would start coming soon. Dean would have to tell him the truth.

Dean padded back in to see Castiel now strewn out across the double bed and he smirked feeling his hangover lessen. He moved forward jumping up on the bed and chuckling when Castiel yelped startled sitting up and staring at him wide eyed.

"Hey baby" Dean murmured when he clutched his head and looked around.

"Ass" Castiel murmured when he leaned over kissing him softly. "But you're my ass"

Dean smiled pressing a second kiss to his lips before pulling back with a groan. "I needed that sleep"

"It was good" Castiel said stretching out and looking around the spacious bedroom. Dean's eyes trailed over him and his arousal grew taking in his fluffed up bed hair, his tired but lit up blue eyes, and his feature relaxed into an easy smile.

"You're so pretty, Cas"

"Shut up" Castiel murmured flushing deeply. "I'm not a girl"

"Good"

"You, Dean Winchester, are beautiful"

"Cas" Dean whined and allowed him to crawl over and straddle his waist. Castiel adjusted wrapping his legs completely around him and his arms settled comfortably around his neck.

"You are, Dean, but not just outside but in the inside as well"

Dean grimaced shaking his head. "I don't think so"

"Yes, Dean"

"Cas…" Dean muttered looking down at their chests pressed together. Castiel hummed pressing his lips to his forehead.

"Are you going to tell me the truth now?"

"Cas…"

"I've told you the truth, Dean" he said pulling his arms back to show him his wrists. Dean swallowed pressing a kiss to the scars and looked up to meet his eyes.

"Okay" Dean breathed taking in a deep breath and exhaling slowly. "I'm not beautiful inside, Cas, I'm ugly, I'm twisted, and I do bad things to good people. You know that rumour about me being a crazy drug dealer?"

"Yes" Castiel said with a nod.

"It's true" Dean murmured looking into the widening blue eyes. "I'm a drug dealer for a man called Alistair Owen, I deal drugs, I beat people who don't pay up, I take people in debt to him and I stand outside that door hearing their pleas before he…well, he kills them"

Castiel moved his arms away pushing away from him and staring at him with wide eyes. Dean felt the empty loss and reached out locking a hand around his ankle to keep him from moving anymore.

"My dad was in this gang, the same gang, and I discovered his little secret. Dad just wanted to get us more money but I knew it was suspicious…he quit soon after I found out after I made him swear he wouldn't do it again. The only problem was…you don't quit unless Alistair says yes…if you quit, you're in the books and that's it. It was a couple of weeks after he quit when one night I heard noises in night…I was only in middle school and I had no idea what to think" Dean said looking down at his hands feeling tears blur in his eyes and he blinked them away furiously. "Mom found him on the floor of the garage dead with three bullets lodged into him…I didn't know…they didn't know who killed him and I-I couldn't tell them dads secret…how could I? After that I felt like I was being watched, people on street corners, black cars following my car, and then when I was sixteen I was jumped on"

"Alistair pulled me in and Alistair only pulls in the _best, _I was sixteen…I had a still grieving mother, a dependent brother clinging onto dreams of Harvard, Stanford, and dreams of becoming a lawyer. Alistair was…strangely caring and told me he would take care of everything and I knew it was wrong…these were the people who took my dad but like my dad he did it for the money. I accepted…otherwise I would be killed" Dean murmured still not meeting Castiel's eyes. "I hated it, I still _hate _it and I want to get out but…you don't get out unless he says so"

"You were sixteen" Castiel whispered.

"Yeah, I was forced out there to do…all this stuff. I dream about it all the time and I hate what I'm doing, I hate that I'm lying to my mom, Sam, and everyone I know….well apart from Jo and the others" Dean said twisting his hands together. "I need to get out but I just…"

He trailed off covering his face with his hands. Castiel swallowed hard feeling his heart hammer against his chest and a sweat cover his back in fear at the words he had just heard and he crawled over bringing his hands down and cupping the side of his face. Dean gasped softly looking into his eyes stunned when he held him close. A small whimper escaped his lips and he clung to Castiel who pressed his lips to his temple.

"Thank you for telling me" he murmured against the skin of temple. "I don't blame you and I…I don't think you're some crazy drug dealer"

"You don't?"

"I think you're stuck in something you can't get out of" Castiel whispered turning his eyes to the window. "I've heard about a little gang doing dodgy deals and…the murders, I just hoped you weren't involved"

"I can't get out" Dean moaned into his neck. "He'll kill me…I can't leave my mom…I can't leave Sam, he needs me more than anything"

"I know, Dean, it's okay"

"It's not, Cas, if he finds out about you…" Dean murmured trailing off. "I don't know if I can protect you"

Castiel felt a prickle of fear in his words and held him closer shushing him gently.

"Relationships get in the way of our tasks and I…" Dean said with a soft moan tucking his head into the crook of his neck. "I can't lose you"

"You won't lose me"

Dean pulled his head back shaking his head. "You don't know the worst of it"

"What's worse than this?"

"Nothing" Dean lied cupping the side of his cheek. "Nothing will happen to you"

"Well it's been happening for weeks and nothing has happened to me"

"No one knew, Cas, and now everyone knows"

Castiel rolled his eyes trailing his hands into his hair and kissing the tip of his nose. Dean wrinkled it and brought him into a soft but passionate kiss sending shivers down his spine.

"Why are you so awesome?" Dean whispered against his mouth. "I don't and will never deserve you"

"I think you do but you don't think you do"

Dean hummed content kissing him eagerly, fingers trailing down the days old stubble and lingering in his collarbone.

"I think we need a shower" Castiel murmured pulling back.

Dean nodded knowing they probably smelt of alcohol and sleep. His head turned towards the bedroom door and he moved up peering outside hearing his mom singing softly downstairs cleaning the kitchen. Dean looked towards Sam's closed door hearing music playing out and knew he was probably studying.

"Come on" Dean said fluttering his fingers at him. Castiel linked their hands together as they rushed to the toilet and closed the door locking it with a chuckle.

"I feel like a school girl"

"Well…you have some explaining to do it you are" Castiel said cupping him with his hand.

Dean gasped with a small moan when he drew away with a wink.

"Cheeky shit" Dean murmured switching on the water and bringing him to his chest. "You are so awesome"

"I'm really not" Castiel said stripping till he was naked and climbing into the shower. Dean raked his eyes up and down him for a moment before following and climbing in after him.

"I also want to help you" Castiel said holding still when Dean poured shower gel into his hand washing him down.

"Help me?"

"With Alistair, I don't want you in there anymore, Dean"

Dean gave him a small sad smile washing him softly enjoying the warm soft feeling of his skin underneath his hands.

"You have helped me in ways you couldn't imagine, Dean, and I no longer have nightmares and I am no longer fully ashamed of these" Castiel said holding out his arms. "If it wasn't winter I would wear short sleeve shirts all day long"

"You still can but just wear a jacket over them" Dean murmured kissing his throat. "I appreciate it, Cas, I really do but it's too risky and I don't want my Juliet getting hurt now do I?"

Castiel snorted shaking his wet hair and stole the shower gel washing Dean down.

"I wish you would stop calling me that"

"You love it"

"I don't and that's why I'm asking you to pack it in"

"Tough" Dean said with a lazy smile and hummed closing his eyes when Castiel washed him over harder than usual. When the bubbles had disappeared, Dean took full advantage as he slid down dropping to his knees and flicked his tongue over the head. Castiel groaned moving them out of the water so Dean wouldn't drown and could feel it beating down his back.

Dean's tongue swirled over his head expertly as he tongued the slit and wrapped his hands on his hips keeping him in place. Castiel moaned throwing his head back under the pounding water and gasped fisting his hands into the soaked honey brown hair eager for release. His hip bucked on their own accord forcing his cock further down Dean's throat who hummed around it pleasantly till Castiel was whimpering and feeling the heat boil deep inside him.

"Dean, I can't…" he murmured and moaned his name loudly spilling the fluid deep into his throat. Dean swallowed greedily sucking him till he was spent and soft in his mouth. Castiel looked down as he gripped the side pulling him up and into his arms.

"I love you" Castiel murmured dazed into his chest. Dean froze pushing him back gently looking into his eyes to see them widen in realisation and he gaped opening it startled.

"I-I…"

"You love me?" Dean whispered in a low voice.

"Um, I maybe, well, yes" he said looking down at the bath. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't…"

Dean tilted his chin bringing him into a harsh kiss that caught Castiel off guard. Castiel moaned into his mouth cupping the side of his neck as he slammed into the wall with a smack which hurt his spine but he didn't care.

"It's okay, you don't have to say it back" Castiel murmured when he drew away. "But I do…I've fallen in love with you, Dean"

Dean made a small sound of distress bringing him into a needy kiss. Castiel clung to him tight not willing to let go.

_**~0~0~0~**_

It was Monday morning and Dean was dreading school more than anything. He had dropped Sam off at his school and turned driving towards his own. He stepped out looking around carefully and moved towards a familiar blonde head.

"Hello" he murmured poking her hard in the back. Jo yelped turning around and smacking him on the hand.

"Why have you been ignoring my calls?"

"Hung over and had Cas over" Dean said placing two hands on her shoulders. "Sorry for ignoring you"

"You can buy me a coffee from the canteen" she said pointing a finger at him.

"Deal" he murmured pretending to bite it. "Where are the others?"

"Adam isn't here yet, Pamela and Ash are somewhere" she said with a gesture. "Where's lover boy?"

"There" Dean said pointing over to him talking with Balthazar with a smile. "Hey, has anyone been…?"

"Talking about you two all over the weekend, all over Facebook, Twitter, and other websites?"

"Yeah?"

"Yes" she said with a nod. "You two will be in our magazines soon"

Dean groaned covering his face with his hands and peered around to see people whispering and pointing over to him.

Castiel looked over spotting Dean and frowning in concern.

"I'll be back" he murmured moving away from Balthazar and down to Dean who met his gaze with a soft smile. Castiel moved towards him and stopped in front of him confused.

"What's wrong?"

"We're the new gossip now"

"I figured from the looks and whispers directed at me from the moment I got here and well…everyone is staring at us"

"Let's give them something to stare at" Dean murmured pulling him close and kissing him briefly. Jo watched them with wide eyes and looked away blinking dramatically.

Castiel blinked slowly pulling away and smiled glancing around. "I've never been so popular"

Dean hummed raking his eyes up and down his face feeling a delicious feeling wake up inside him and he pulled him closer.

"Welcome to my world" he murmured linking their hands together.

"Oh my god, I think I need to leave" Jo said with a puff of laughter turning quickly. "You two lovebirds are too much for me"

Dean chuckled watching her leave and turned to look back into his eyes.

"Well, well, well, I never thought I'd see the day" a voice called out causing Jo to stop in her tracks and look back to see Az and Ruby standing there. Dean looked over to him feeling his stomach drop at the cruelty in his smile and looked to Castiel who was frowning at Az.

"Go away"

"And miss this? Never! How cute though…the hero and the delicate flower helplessly in love with each other! Ruby, fetch my violin" he cried covering his heart. Ruby laughed loudly with a salute.

"Piss off, Az" Dean hissed moving a step towards him. Az smiled looking over to Castiel.

"Bit sudden don't you think? I mean a few week ago he was shoving you around, hating your guts, and then suddenly…hello lovely, pleasant, seeking forgiveness, Dean Winchester, who carefully and slowly crawled under your skin" Az said stepping forward looking into his eyes and looked around to see students stopping to watch and Jo move back towards Dean with narrowed eyes.

"What are you trying to say?" Castiel snapped at him.

"I told you to piss off!" Dean shouted angrily.

"Now, now, there is no need for this rudeness, Dean, and since we are so _close_ in our little gang" he said with a small smirk. Castiel looked over to Dean who swallowed refusing to meet his gaze.

"Az, get out of here before I fucking make you" Dean growled low.

"Has he told you, Castiel, has he told you what he does?"

Castiel clenched his jaw narrowing his eyes at him refusing to answer him.

"I'll take that as a…no?" he murmured raising an eyebrow. "Well no matter, I'm not here to talk about…our other situation"

"What other situation?" Castiel said with a puckered brow.

Dean moved towards Az who laughed holding out his hands only to be held back by Castiel.

"No, Dean, just…what other situation?" Castiel said keeping a hold of Dean who struggled against his grip.

"Have you told him, Dean?" Az said boldly. "Have you told him the real reason you barged into his life, corrupting him, pretending to care about him?"

"You shut your mouth" Dean snarled at him.

Castiel felt a shiver up his spine and looked over to Az who smiled widely showing his yellowed teeth.

"What do you mean?"

Az looked down at the ground clasping his hands together. "Oh you poor delicate little flower, Castiel, you truly are a naïve human being aren't you? Didn't you think it was strange that Dean Winchester, Dean who bullied you, taunted you, and made your life a living hell suddenly changed just like?" Az said snapping his fingers. "I mean I think I would think it was strange…I mean why would he care for someone like you?"

Castiel looked over to Dean who was staring at Az with murderous eyes.

"He changed, he was sorry for what he did…nothing you would know about!"

Az laughed loudly and coldly. "You can't be serious! He twisted your mind…"

"Shut up!" Dean roared shrugging Castiel off to run at him but was only caught again by Castiel who he had always thought was freakishly strong pulled him back.

"No, Dean, I want to hear this!" he shouted looking back to Az. "Stop being coy and just tell me"

"I dared him to take your virginity, Castiel, I made a bet that he had to take it in three months or I take away his car for four months…simple enough really" Az cried looking around. "Dean wanted his own back and I gave it to him"

Castiel turned his head slowly to look at Dean who was breathing hard looking at Az who laughed softly.

"Not so precious now is he, gorgeous?" Az cooed to Castiel. Jo who was listening looked at Dean in horror.

"Dean, is this true?" Jo whispered looking to the other students whispering around them.

"Dean, is it true?"

Castiel stared at Dean who looked down at the ground and refused to meet his gaze.

"Dean?" Castiel whispered feeling panic spread across him. Dean closed his eyes breathing out shakily and looked up to meet his eyes.

"I called it off, Cas, I stopped it"

"Dean!" Jo said horrified.

Castiel let go of him stepping back and looking over to Az. "He-he dared you to take my virginity?"

"Yes but listen to me…" Dean pleaded moving towards him.

"This…this is why you were all weird and nice in that English lesson and wanted to…you accepted the dare" he whispered staring at him in horror. "You-you took it"

"I called it off! Tell him I called it off"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Dean, the dare was still in place and he won" Az said with a cruel smile. "He doesn't really care about you…it's just the sex"

Dean moved towards him punching him hard in the face.

"Dean!" Jo cried running forward tugging him away from Az who he punched relentlessly. Castiel watched with wide eyes frozen to the spot till Dean stared at Az who was spitting blood from his mouth and Ruby glared at him.

"You're an animal!" she hissed dragging Az up and into the doors. Dean stared at the blood on his knuckles and looked towards Castiel who met his eyes.

"Tell me it isn't true, please tell me it isn't true" Castiel pleaded in a broken voice.

"It…it was a dare but I called it off after we slept together"

Castiel gasped moving back and shaking his head. "It was all a lie"

"No! It changed, Cas, I couldn't do it, remember? I kept pushing you away and then you turned up at the house wondering what was happening and I couldn't resist you" Dean said moving towards him.

"No, no, don't touch me" Castiel said moving away. "You lied to me, you were false…you were dared to take away the only thing I had precious to me! I kept it for someone I hoped would take care of me during and afterwards! You abused that! You only wanted sex like the rest of them!"

Dean flinched at the shouted words shaking his head. "No, Cas, you can't believe that"

"I don't know what to believe" he whispered shaking his head and blinked feeling moisture fill his eyes and turned his back running away. Dean stepped forward watching him run and looked to see Balthazar staring at him with furious eyes before taking off after him.

Jo moved towards him staring at him with fiery eyes. "Oh it all makes sense now"

"Jo, please…"

Jo didn't hold back as she slapped him hard across the face and stalked away. Dean clutched his sore cheek feeling his heart ache and tear as he looked around at the people staring and whispering. Dean couldn't handle it and took off moving towards his car and sliding in slamming the door shut. Tears blurred his eyes and smacked his fist hard on the steering wheel.

Balthazar ran and caught Castiel who turned breathing hard.

"Cassy" he murmured pulling him towards him in a tight hug feeling Castiel cling to him with a small sob that shook his whole body as his emotions came pouring out of him full throttle mixed with disbelief, confusion, and pain. It just didn't make any sense.

**A/N: Whoa… **

**Thank you for the reviews! They are lovely and please continue to give them!**


	13. Chapter 13

Dean couldn't and would never forgive himself for what he had done. It had been two days since Castiel had learnt the real truth, the whole school knew and gossiped about them, and two days since he had been back to school. Dean claimed "sickness" and refused to go back despite the suspicions from Mary and Sam.

Dean curled under the covers on the third day looking at his silent phone and sighed deeply closing his eyes. Castiel had been ignoring all his calls, texts, and answerphone messages. Dean knew he was in deep shit. He buried his head under the covers staring at the darkness not wanting to move, eat, or do anything. Dean wondered if this was depression and snorted shaking his head.

A knock on the front door startled him and he pulled down the cover sitting up and listening hard to his mom opening the door.

"Hey, Mary, is your stupid oldest son here?" Jo said with a wide smile.

"He's sick, Jo, or he claims to be" Mary said with a shake of her curls. "Have he and Cas had a little fight?"

"You could say that" she said with a nod stepping inside and pointing at the stairs. "May I?

"Of course, try and cheer him up"

Jo saluted and marched up the stairs heading towards his bedroom and threw open the door. Dean groaned burying under the covers covering his ears. Jo appraised him and sighed deeply shutting the door and walked over lifting the covers and slipping in next to him. Dean felt rough fabric of her jeans against his legs and turned over peeking up to see her staring forward with a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Why are you here?"

"Came to see why my best friend isn't in school and why is he also a horrible little shit" she said softly looking down at him. "How could you, Dean?"

"I didn't mean to, Jo"

"Yes you did, you took that dare and you seduced him"

"No" Dean said struggling up and sitting next to her. "Not at the time…when I first took the dare I was fully prepared to take it and humiliate him but it changed, he changed it, and I didn't want to hurt him or humiliate him anymore…I wanted to be with him not for the dare but for that fact that's he's the most awesome guy ever"

Dean covered his face with his hands and groaned loudly into them. "Why don't I have a time machine!"

"I don't know, let me get right on it" Jo muttered sarcastically. "You're such a fucking idiot"

"I know, tell me again"

"You, Dean Winchester, are a fucking idiot"

"I should have never taken it! My gut instinct was screaming at me not to take it and like usual I bloody ignored it!" Dean raged slamming his hand down on the cover. "He's amazing, Jo, and I've let him go"

"Who says you've lost him?"

"I do" Dean muttered closing his eyes. "I told him about Alistair and you know what he did?"

"No"

"Held me and told me he would help me no matter what" Dean muttered opening his eyes. "He also told me he was in love with me…and look what I went and did!"

"Oh fuck off with the self-pity" Jo said with a scoff looking over to him. "This is your mess and you need to get that lazy ass out of bed and go win him back, Dean fucking Winchester because no matter what has happened that boy is devoted to you"

"He won't take my calls!"

"Then you go to that house or apartment and demand to see him because like you he hasn't been in school either! I tried asking Balthazar but he ignored me thinking I was asking for you and Becky won't talk to me either" Jo said slapping his arm. "You need to talk to him"

Dean glanced over to her and nodded pushing the cover off and dressing into cleaner more casual clothes. He brought his hand up raking it into his hair and sighed spraying deodorant and cologne on his skin before turning towards her.

"What if I can't win him back?"

"Then you've lost the most perfect man for you, Dean, you do realise you two are perfect for each other"

"Yeah" Dean murmured wistfully. "I'm going, you do what you want"

"Good luck" Jo said blowing him a kiss.

"Are you staying here?"

"I don't know, might stay and talk with your momma" she said jumping up out of the bed. "Go, Dean"

Dean nodded grabbing his phone and keys running out of the door and down the stairs.

"Dean, where are you going?" Mary called walking out of the kitchen.

"I need to see Cas" he said flustered pulling on his jacket. "I did something stupid and I need to put it right now"

"Go fast then" Mary said with a small sad smile watching him smirk and nod darting out of the house and hurrying to the car.

_**~0~0~0~**_

After sobbing his heart out on Balthazar's shoulder he had shoved him away leaving him to call him out his name as he took off running back towards the gate and out. Castiel ran hard and fast feeling his bag beat against him aggressively till it hurt and he knew it would leave bruises. He didn't stop and didn't look back as he ran home, his eyes burning with his tears, his nose wet and running, his cheek damp and hot, and his body protesting in pain. Castiel sobbed moving up the stairs and fell against the door with a sob. Azazel's words flooded in his mind and he squeezed his eyes shut seeing Dean's conflicting and despairing look directed at him speaking the _truth. _His stomach swirled and he gagged throwing open the front door and dropped to his knees.

"Castiel?" Gabriel said astonished rushing forward and picking him up. "What the…what the hell?"

"It's nothing" he whispered raising a shaking hand to brush across his brow and looked into his concerned eyes. "I just…I don't feel well"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, please, let me go" he murmured shoving him off and darting into the bathroom. Gabriel let him go with a furrowed brow and slowly moved to shut the door and pick up his dropped bag. Castiel didn't know why he was protecting Dean but he knew that if Gabriel learnt the real truth about Dean then he would be dead meat. Castiel collapsed against the door and slid down burying his face into his arms in disbelief.

Castiel claimed "sickness" after that and stayed in bed unmoving and refusing to answer his ringing phone. Gabriel was worried sick but could do nothing to move him out of bed.

"I'm off to work" Gabriel called opening the door. "Feeling any better, sleeping beauty?"

"Go away" Castiel murmured rolling over and facing away from him.

"Cas…"

"Go to work, Gabriel" Castiel snapped burrowing under the covers. Gabriel sighed clicking the door shut and heading to work with a frown etched into his face. Castiel stared at the window rolling over to look up at the ceiling feeling that familiar ache. It made zero sense to Castiel who had days of endless thinking to do and couldn't quite digest the reality that Dean had made a dare to take his virginity and humiliate him. The centre of his chest ached and he turned over burying his head under the cover.

His eyes closed and he inhaled deeply never wanting to leave the bed when a knock sounded on the front door repeatedly. Castiel groaned pushing up and padding over peering into the peep hole to see nothing but darkness.

"Gabriel, if this is you…" he said opening the door and trailing off to see Dean. "Well you can go away"

"Mature, Cas, you won't answer my calls, my texts, and you won't even hear my side of the story"

"Story? Is that what this is, Dean?" Castiel snapped looking at him as he barged in turning to face him. "I don't want to hear your lies, get out of my house"

"No, you need to listen me"

Castiel gritted his teeth turning and slamming the door behind him. "Is it true? Did you really take the dare to take my virginity?"

"Yes, Cas, but please listen to me!" Dean pleaded when he scoffed shaking his head. Dean looked over him and cursed the arousal growing in his gut at how good he looked bedridden and raggedy. "You can't honestly believe it was all a dare!"

"I don't know what to believe!"

"You believe fucking Az over me! You don't even want to hear my side do you?" Dean raged attempting to look into his eyes. "Yes…I took the dare and was fully prepared to do it but you changed it, Cas, _you _changed it"

"You should have never taken it" Castiel hissed. "How could you be so cruel?"

"I wasn't thinking, Cas, remember I hated you?" Dean said dropping down on the back of the sofa. "I regret it so much but remember I pushed you away, twice, and it was you who started it, you came into my bedroom and how could I resist you?"

"You should have! You should have told me no and told me the real truth!" Castiel shouted at him. "What were you expecting coming here, Dean? That I would open my arms and give you forgiveness?"

"No, I…"

"You took a dare to take away my innocence, I kept it because I wanted to save it for someone I could…I could eventually be with! I didn't want someone to take it and run away into the night" Castiel hissed moving towards him. "You knew exactly what you were doing and you panicked, you realised what you had done and you kept it from me"

"Of course I panicked!" Dean protested with wide eyes. "I called the bloody thing off, Cas, Az is lying when he said I didn't because I did…Cas, I care about you! Everything I said to you wasn't a lie"

"Just false truths to get into my bed" Castiel muttered looking away from him gritting his jaw closed.

"No" Dean said shaking his head and moved closer looking into his eyes. "Do you really believe that? Do you think I've been acting all this time, just kissing you, sleeping with you, fucking you, and pouring my heart out just for you?"

"I don't know what to believe" Castiel murmured with glassy eyes. "I want you to leave"

"Cas…"

"Get. Out" he said looking into his eyes with fury laced into the never ending sadness. Dean swallowed hard looking down at his feet.

"I can't lose you" he whispered. "I can't, Cas, you're everything to me now"

"Leave me alone, Dean" Castiel murmured avoiding his eyes and heading towards his bedroom. Dean watched him shut the door and lock it from the other side. His guilt was icy cold in his veins and he turned heading towards the front door glancing back to the closed bedroom door with a deep sigh before leaving.

Castiel stood in the middle of his room and heard the front door go before looking down at his cupped wrist tracing over the faint lines. His heart gave an empty pang and he turned burrowing under the covers knowing he was being a pathetic idiot but he didn't care. How was he supposed to act with a broken heart?

_**~0~0~0~**_

"Out of bed now" Mary ordered standing in front of his bedroom door. "You are going to school whether you like it or not and believe me I will get a nice, cold, bucket of water for your head, Dean"

Dean groaned shoving the pillow on top of his face giving her the thumbs up. Mary rolled her eyes in response moving to wake up Sam. Dean threw it off his face and sat up looking around the messy room reaching for his phone to see one new message and one missed call all from Alistair. Dean narrowed his eyes deleting the message and turning it on silent.

"Hurry up Christmas break" Dean muttered throwing on his clean clothes and padding to the bathroom wondering if Castiel would be in like him but highly doubted it. Jo was less than impressed that things had worsened between them instead of got better. Dean also agreed with her and sighed scrubbing the toothbrush through his mouth hard missing him like crazy. Dean missed the warm touch of his mouth against his, the smiles or blushes when he complimented or embarrassed him, the touch of his body against his, the moans of pleasure when he hit that _spot _deep inside of him. Dean's eyes closed and he swore to right every wrong.

"Come on, Dean!" Sam said squirming on the spot desperate for a pee. "I will torch your stupid car"

Dean glared at the closed door and spat rinsing out his mouth before moving towards it and smiling.

"Morning, Sammy"

"Jerk!" Sam hissed darting in and slamming the door.

"Bitch" Dean muttered under his breath moving down the stairs and inhaling to smell breakfast cooking. Mary looked up with a small smile just for him and chuckled softly, a sound that always reminded Dean of chimes.

"What was that for?"

"For being the best mom in the world" Dean murmured moving to the fridge.

"Aw, I love you too, angel" she said with a smile pushing around the cooking bacon. "So, have you and Castiel made friends?"

Dean's small smile faltered and he shook his head. "It's complicated"

"Why? What's he or should I say you done?"

"Just…an argument and situation out of hand" he said with a casual shrug sitting down at the small table sipping his drink. Mary shot him a look of disapproval.

"That's such a shame, Dean, you two are just…" she said trailing off.

"Just what?"

"He brought out a lovely side to you, he clearly adore you, and I'm sure you brought out a new side to him but you were just…a perfect match" she said with a small shrug. "I hope you can work it out love"

"Me too" Dean murmured wistfully looking up when Sam came bounding in and sat at the table looking up eagerly when she came over with the bacon. Breakfast ended quickly and Dean moved Sam forward for the drive to school and he started her up shivering in the blunt coldness of a November morning.

"What's really happening with you and Castiel?" Sam said interrogating him with narrowed eyes.

"Nothing, it's just a silly little mishap" he said softly. "I'm trying to win him back"

"You cheated!" Sam said with a gas.

"No, Sam, I didn't cheat" Dean retorted with a glare. "It's nothing"

"I don't believe you" Sam said sitting back shaking his head. "I always know when you're lying"

Dean glanced over to him and rolled his eyes. "Nerd"

"Hey!"

"Get out and go get excellent grades, please?"

Sam huffed grabbing his bag but his eyes shone with amusement as he hopped out and ran off into school. Dean made a U-turn heading towards his school and parked keeping his head down as he walked up. He ignored the pointed whispers and walked down the corridor looking up when Jo noticed and hurried over.

"You're alive!" she said in a mock gasp. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit" he muttered moving to his locker. "Is he in?"

"Yes" she said with a nod.

Dean swallowed glancing up and down seeing no sight of him or his friends.

"He's still so angry with me"

"Are you surprised?"

"No" Dean murmured shoving his bag and slamming it shut. "He's right"

"Are you giving up on him?"

"No" Dean said with a shake of his head turning to face forward and press his back against the locker. "I need him; I've fallen for the guy"

"Love?" Jo whispered softly.

"Maybe" Dean whispered back meeting her gaze. Jo's hard eyes softened slightly and she reached out pressing a hand to his shoulder for comfort.

"Where's Adam?"

"I don't know" Jo said looking around. "He's been acting…odd, he's been all twitchy and nervous lately"

"Strange" Dean murmured.

"You know he wants to join Alistair's little gang" she hissed with a sneer of disgust.

"Adam won't get in" Dean said with a shake of his head. "Alistair is very picky and Adam isn't on the list"

Jo hummed watching Dean collect himself and head toward the doors. He walked out looking around to see Castiel up by his little tree and walked towards him. Jo watched him leave and sighed wrapping her coat around her and walking across the yard slowly and stood still simply watching.

"Romeo going to get his Juliet"

Jo turned watching Becky wander over all bundled up and smirked softly.

"He can try" she murmured turning to see Dean talking to Castiel who was protesting and shaking his head ordering him to leave. Jo and Becky turned when another set of footsteps approached and they saw Balthazar with anger in his eyes.

"Leave them be, Balthazar" Becky ordered placing a hand on his arm. "They do need to talk"

"You do realise what he did!" Balthazar hissed glaring up at Dean. "Cassy shouldn't waste a moment on him!"

Jo rolled her eyes away from him and the three of them looked up watching the pair of them.

"I told you to go away!" Castiel raged attempting to leave.

"No! Not until you properly hear me out, Cas, you need to know how sorry I am"

"How sorry you are that I found out" he hissed.

"I was stupid to think you wouldn't find out but I really hoped you wouldn't" Dean said with a grimace. "I shouldn't have taken it, Cas, and I am so sorry for what I did but I can't take it back all I can do is make it up to you and tell you that I did not take it for a dare, I took it because I wanted to, I took it because I care about you"

Castiel remained silent staring at him with hard eyes.

"Oh Romeo seems to be failing" Becky murmured softly.

"Good" Balthazar muttered folding his arms over.

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because I believed you when you told me about your father and you believed me when I told you about Alistair"

Castiel scoffed amused moving into his personal space. "Ah yes, the words of a crazy drug dealer who takes dares to humiliate and corrupt people like me"

Dean flinched back at the harsh words and narrowed his eyes. "You said I wasn't a crazy drug dealer"

"I lied" Castiel said with a shrug.

"No…no, you're lying now"

"Who can tell?" Castiel exclaimed throwing his arms up.

"Cas, please just…" Dean pleaded moving a step forward.

"Please what?"

"Just…just try and listen to me instead of throwing my words in the gutter" Dean said with earnest eyes. Castiel breathed out hard twirling around and looking into his eyes.

"Put yourself in my shoes for one minute and imagine the roles are reversed and you find out I was dared to take your virginity like it was nothing but a piece of garbage that needed disposing of and imagine learning the truth from the worst person imaginable in front of the whole school?" Castiel said with eyes shining with tears. "Imagine learning that the asshole you fell in love with is still that cruel, horrible, worst excuse of a human being who bullies and humiliates people for his own personal gain?"

Dean's words stuck in his throat and he opened his mouth not knowing how to reply and gasped when Castiel moved forward bringing him forward into a brutal kiss.

Jo gasped followed by a second and a third from the others.

"Dean is one smooth talker" Becky whispered astonished.

"No, no it's not that" Jo said shaking her curls with narrowed eyes. "It's…"

Dean moaned moving his lips against Castiel's who forced his tongue into his mouth giving everything he had as they kissed fiercely and desperately. Dean didn't hold back as he wound his hands around the back of his neck pulling him against his body. Heat spread across the pair of them as the kiss grew hotter and filthier between them. Castiel licked and nipped his bottom lip, sucking on his tongue, and trailing his hands into the back of his hair. The arousal for Dean grew almost painful till Castiel pulled away breathing hard and pressed their foreheads together.

"I learnt that from you, I'm a good learner, and I know you liked that" Castiel murmured looking into his eyes. "I would have given that to you every day, every hour and every minute if you wanted me too…I would have fucked you every night without hesitation till we were sore…spent…but content with each other…I would have given you _everything_ but you ruined it by taking that dare and not telling me the real truth"

"Cas…" Dean whimpered shaking his head and gasping when Castiel shoved him away hard and stalked away.

"…showing him what he was going to miss" Jo murmured with a sad frown. Becky swallowed glancing over to Balthazar who nodded and after a brief farewell from Becky they ran off to catch Castiel. Jo walked up the hill slowly reaching Dean who had his head bowed low staring at the ground.

"Dean?"

Dean looked up at her with wet eyes and shook his head moving away without a backward look. Jo was left watching his retreating figure move quickly down the hill as he moved inside and headed toward the toilets. Dean stormed inside and slammed the door shut with trembling hands. His emotions were haywire as he kicked the door hard and fell back slumping against the wall feeling sicker than ever and regret worse than he ever imagined. He had no idea how to fix it but he knew one thing, one thing only, he had to get out of his deal with Alistair the only way he could. His endgame or his life.

**A/N: You lot are so awesome! I love the reviews so much; you make me laugh and smile all the time**.


	14. Chapter 14

It had been a week since the confrontation between them both and there was no sign of improvement. Castiel pointedly ignored any type of conversation between them and refused to acknowledge him in or outside of school leaving Dean to long for him and miss the times they had. There was a constant ache in Dean's chest that he couldn't get rid of no matter how hard he tried. In the week apart, gossip spread like wildfire as students talked about him and Castiel like they were a celebrity couple, his mum was disappointed that he had not managed to successfully win Castiel back, and his job was causing him havoc. Alistair was constantly on his case with a new job every night now and it was driving Dean insane ignoring him. Dean knew Alistair was getting seriously pissed off but he couldn't care, he refused to care.

Dean walked into the English classroom looking over to his now empty table since their project ended and his eye found Castiel doodling aimlessly on his book. He swallowed hard walking past and sitting down to look out the window. Jo stared across the room at him in concern and didn't like the haggard look he now carried, the fine stubble on his cheeks or the lost look in his eyes. Her gaze flicked over to Castiel who sensed it and looked up to meet them for a moment before looking away.

"I wish you'd talk to him" Jo hissed over to him.

"Why should I?"

"I know he's an ass, he's worse than that actually, sometimes, but he's apologised and he's explained his side to it and I don't know about you…but I would believe him over Az!" she hissed back to him.

"Leave it alone, Jo" Castiel murmured staring down at his book. Jo huffed picking up her books and moving from her seat and moving to drop down next to Dean.

"What are you doing?" Dean said looking over to her.

"Keeping my poor depressed friend occupied"

"I'm not depressed" he replied with a snort.

"How many hours sleep have you had? You look like shit"

"I don't know" Dean replied with a shrug.

Jo poked him hard in the arm irritated till Dean turned his dull green eye on her and she sighed deeply.

"You're worrying me"

"I'm fine" he snapped looking up the board and wondering where Mr Shurley had disappeared to. "I just…I need – it's nothing"

"You need him"

"_He _doesn't want anything to do with me anymore" Dean replied softly looking over to Castiel staring forward. "I've tried, Jo, I try talking to him and it's like when we used to hate each other…"

"Just give him time"

Dean hummed pulling his cell towards him to see a new message from Alistair.

"_**Ignoring me, Dean? Naughty behaviour will not go unpunished. I give you hour to renew contact"**_

Dean swallowed hard pocketing his phone and feeling his nerves kick in. He stared down at the table feeling sicker than ever and jumped when an invitation landed in front of him and he looked up to see Becky.

"My 18th birthday party, it's in the local pub tomorrow" she said with a wink moving on to hand more out. Dean picked it up toying with it gently before looking over to Castiel still doodling aimlessly on his booklet.

"Do you think he'll be going?"

"No doubt, she's his best friend" Jo said pulling her invitation out with a small frown. "Should be good, 18th birthday parties are always…eventful"

Dean hummed with a nod pocketing it and looking over to her in concern.

"Is Adam in?"

"I think so, why?"

"I tried calling him and nothing…I think he's avoiding me" Dean murmured feeling a twist in his gut knowing that he had also been avoiding him. He knew Adam was still a bit pissed off that he couldn't join Alistair's gang but all Dean wanted to do it protect him.

"He's been acting off" Jo said with a sniff. "I tried asking but he got shifty and ignored me"

"His mom has been sick hasn't she?"

Jo nodded with a grimace looking at the door when Chuck burst in looking flustered and shouting out his apologies.

"I think someone is hung over" Jo whispered with a snort of laughter. Dean smirked nudging her and settled watching Chuck fluster and explain he stayed up late marking their assessments.

The lesson ended quickly soon after that and he walked out noticing Castiel at his locker placing his stuff inside. His instincts told him no but since when did he listen to them? Dean walked over casually and kicked him gently in the back of the knee so he squawked surprised and turned to glare at him.

"What do you want?"

"You" Dean murmured looking into his eyes.

"Well you lost that chance" Castiel replied turning his back on him.

"Are you going Becky's party?"

"Of course I am" he snapped slamming the locker closed and turning to face him. "I guess you are going to"

"I was invited"

"Stay out of my way" Castiel warned attempting to move away when Dean reached out locking a hand over his wrist to keep him at bay.

"There's nothing I can do to get you to forgive me is there?" Dean murmured pained watching Castiel turn back and enter his personal space. His eyes looked over the panes of his face and his heart gave a beat of longing to just kiss him there and then.

"Yes" Castiel whispered with a nod and moved forward. "Stay…away…from…me"

Dean swallowed hard looking down when Castiel wretched his hand free and he nodded slowly turning away from him to walk back down the corridor. Castiel watched his retreating back and rolled his eyes to look up at the ceiling feeling a pang of loss. It was diluted when he remembered why he had done it and he turned walking down the opposite end feeling the anger bubbling away in the pit of his stomach. It had been the week from hell literally with Gabriel constantly wondering why he was moping around the apartment, why they had suddenly broken up, and did he need a sniper to take out Dean.

Castiel hated to admit it but he missed him terribly and craved the touch of his lips against his, the need to run his hands down his body caused his hands to itch desperately, but it was all stopped when he remembered what Dean had gone and done.

He walked outside fastening his coat around him more and looked up toward the overcast grey clouds feeling the hint of snow coming soon enough. His eyes found Balthazar at their usual spot and he travelled over giving him a warm smile.

"How are you?" Balthazar said responding with a small smile moving up and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Castiel smiled leaning into his warmth before it faltered and he looked away.

"Fine apart from a confrontation with Dean"

"That jackass, what did he say?"

"Nothing hurtful…just wanted to talk to me"

"He doesn't deserve anything from you" Balthazar snapped shaking his head. "He's a cruel bully, Cassy, and you know it"

Castiel hummed picking at the cuff of his sleeve and shrugged his shoulders once up and down.

"I still love him, Balthazar; I still fell in love with him"

"No, you fell in love with the charm and falseness of him" Balthazar said tilting his chin towards him. "You need to move on from him"

"I can't…"

"Yes, yes you can" Balthazar insisted. "I knew from the beginning that there was something not right about him and I was right"

Castiel swallowed back the lump in his throat and nodded in agreement.

"Becky's party is tomorrow and it's a chance to relax, chill, drink, and have a good time without Dean Winchester"

Castiel looked into the warmth of his eyes and smiled gently in response. Balthazar hummed resting his cheek on top of his head and wrapping his arm tighter around him for warmth and security.

_**~0~0~0~**_

It was a Saturday and Dean was officially depressed. Well, that's how he thought of himself as he curled under the covers ignoring the world. The world was cruel and life was a bitch. He didn't care anymore. Everyone could go screw themselves.

"Dean" Mary called knocking on his door. "It's nearly lunchtime, love, and I've not heard a peep from you"

"I'm not hungry!"

"You are always hungry!"

Dean rolled his eyes covering his ears. "Go away mom"

Mary sighed deeply trying the handle to see it was locked and knocked loudly. "Dean Winchester, you get out of bed and unlock this door. You are not staying in bed wallowing in self-pity"

"God! This house" Dean groaned knowing he was sounding like a dramatic teenager. "Leave me alone!"

"Open this door!" she shouted through it.

Dean growled shoving himself up and wrenched the lock out and stormed back to bed ignoring his persistent mother who opened it and folded her arms across her chest.

"You are acting like a little kid!"

"Good" he muttered pulling the blanket over his head. Mary walked towards him grabbing the quilt and tugging it away so he yelped twisting around to glare at her.

"Up, Dean!"

"Mom!" he whined attempting to pull it back and failed dropping down on the bed with a pout. "It's difficult to remember why I love you"

"Because I gave birth to you, I clothed you, I fed you, and I raised you" she said with a small smile dumping the quilt on the floor. "Up and dressed now, Dean, please? Sam is all ready and is going out with his friends and I know you have an 18th party tonight"

Dean hummed with a raised eyebrow grabbing his phone to see no calls or messages. It should make him feel elated that he had nothing from Alistair but instead it terrified him. Dean obeyed his mom's orders and climbed off the bed dressing into thicker warmer clothing and padded downstairs hungry for food despite his claims.

Sam looked up from the sofa and grunted shoving away his hand when he mussed his hair as he passed by.

"Who are you going out with then?"

"No one special" Sam murmured flicking over the TV programmes with a faint blush to his cheeks.

"Liar, is it a girl?"

"No!" Sam protested flushing hard. Dean snorted at the obvious lie pointing his index finger at him.

"You have a girlfriend or a major crush on a girl or boy"

"Dean!" Sam cried shoving a couch pillow over his face. Dean howled with laughter taking it off and hitting him over the head.

"Adorable" Dean said with a humoured chuckle moving into the kitchen. Sam glared at his back chucking the cushion at him and sat up watching him with narrowed eyes.

"You haven't been working lately"

"Took some time off" Dean lied looking back to him with a small smile. "I thought you would be glad"

"I am! I was just curious" Sam said with a protest.

"Good" Dean murmured pulling out the orange juice and pulling out a glass ignoring the squirm of discomfort curling in the pit of his stomach.

The night arrived quickly after that and Dean dressed in his favourite black t-shirt, jacket, and jeans before collecting his keys and saying his goodbyes.

"See you later" Dean murmured kissing her cheek. "I won't be back too late"

"Be good and I love you"

Dean flashed a smile walking out into the cool air feeling a chill run up his arms and back till he slid into the car and turned up her heaters. He drove towards the local pub intending to park her away from the pub so he could sleep in the back like last time. His hand pushed open the door and he strolled in inhaling the strong smell of alcohol, perfume mixed with sweat, and the chatter of people plus music echoed in his ears. Dean looked around and smiled when he caught Jo chatting up a stranger.

"Jo" he whispered into her ear and grinned when she turned startled and smiled.

"Dean!" she said pulling him into a brief hug and letting him go. "You look delicious"

"Why thank you, where is birthday girl?"

"There" she said pointing over to Becky who was gushing and thanking people for coming. He wandered over ignoring the hateful look directed at him from Balthazar nearby and pulled her into a hug.

"Happy birthday" he murmured into her ear and pulled back when she giggled and thanked him warmly. His eyes wandered over the people he knew and the people he didn't and spot Castiel in the corner talking to a guy he didn't know. A flare of jealously hit him as he looked over the new guy, brown hair flicked back, cute smile, and basically the perfect fucking guy. Dean looked away with a grimace of disgust looking over to Balthazar who cocked his head at him.

"Whatever" he murmured moving away and heading towards the bar ordering a beer. Jo noticed his sudden foul mood and danced over leaning on his shoulder.

"You are at a party…light the fuck up" she whispered into his ear when he knocked the beer back.

"Look at who Cas is talking to" Dean muttered indicating his head over.

Jo frowned deeply looking over to Castiel and back to Dean. "He's talking to a guy"

"Does that look like a normal conversation?" Dean growled looking over to Castiel laughing and talking closely with the new guy. Jo sighed deeply dropping down next to him.

"Is he not allowed to talk to other people?"

"Yeah but not guys like that!" Dean said closing his eyes in defeat.

"They're talking"

Dean didn't respond and sighed sliding his eyes over to Castiel laughing and chatting away aimlessly causing a stir of discomfort and jealously so powerful it hurt. The hours passed by and Dean decided against getting drunk wanting to be more sober so he wouldn't make another mistake. He constantly watched Castiel talk to the same guy for the hours on end and it didn't help that they were getting on famously well.

"I've been talking to you for hours, Jake"

"That's the fun part don't you think? I'm glad I came now" Jake responded with a small smile. "Yeah" Castiel said with a nod giving a sidelong glance to Dean sat at the bar sipping what seemed to be his third drink that night. He knew Dean had been watching them and it made him feel a little glad to know that he had been and could feel the tension from all the way where he was standing.

Castiel sipped his fifth drink of the night feeling a little tipsy and lightheaded. Jake said something to him that made him turn questioningly and gasped when he leaned forward kissing him hard.

Dean who witnessed the moment straightened up and shoved his drink away not caring at all for what he had in mind and what he planned.

"Cas, baby, we've talked about this!" Dean exclaimed surprising and interrupting the kiss. Castiel gaped shocked when Dean drew a hand around his waist pulling him to his chest.

"He's such a whore when he's drunk aren't you, baby?" Dean said with a shake of his head slapping his ass hard and wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. Castiel gaped shocked when Dean kissed him softly and drew away.

"He's all mine" Dean said with a stern expression looking at Jake who gawped staring between them.

"I-I didn't know dude" he protested holding up his hand and backing away shooting them both a shocked look.

"Dean!" Castiel hissed shoving at his chest.

"Cas" Dean said all pleasantries included.

"What the hell was that?"

"That was "back the fuck away before I break your stupid neck" in the nicest way possible" Dean said with a causal shrug.

"I am not yours to claim!" Castiel hissed up at him.

"I know, I ruined that, but I still care about you" Dean whispered into his ear.

"I don't believe you"

Dean smiled sadly looking him over still pressed against his chest. "I am sorry, Cas, but I couldn't stand by and watch that happen!"

"You shouldn't have done that, you have no right"

"I have every right" Dean protested looking into his eyes. "I care about _you"_

Castiel swallowed glancing around to see people watching them and looked to see Balthazar and Becky talking closely.

"I can't do this right now" Castiel murmured pushing him back gently. "I can't just…"

"Forgive me or give me a second chance?"

"I don't know"

Dean nodded closing his eyes and exhaling deeply. "Cas, listen I just…"

His phone rang cutting him off; he pulled it out seeing a withheld number and answered it curiously.

"Dean, this is Alistair and don't you dare hang up. I know what you want, I know my answer, and I need you to come to the base now"

"What if I say no?"

"Then you will never know the answer, Dean, hurry along and don't keep me waiting"

Dean heard the click and the dial tone ending the call and grimaced looking down at his phone.

"I have to go…I need to…"

"Just go" Castiel said stepping back lowering his eyes.

"Cas…"

"Go, Dean, go do whatever you need to do"

Dean sighed reaching out one hand but let it drop in defeat. Castiel looked down at the pub floor feeling the warmth of him brush past him as he exited the pub quickly. His heart dropped and he turned towards the swinging doors.

"Cassy" Balthazar said walking up to him.

"Leave me alone" he murmured passing him his beer and walking to find Becky and say his goodbyes and happy birthday.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Dean stopped near the edge of the road pulling out his phone and dialled Castiel's number hearing it ring and ring till it reached voicemail. Taking a deep breath Dean started his message just for Castiel who he prayed would hear it. Dean ended the call with a small smile feeling relief and a one more burden lessen.

Dean drove onward driving to the base and parking the car. His phone vibrated with a message and he opened it slowly.

"_**The back of the base"**_

He swallowed hard walking around the back of the base shivering softly feeling fear and goose bumps forming over his arms and legs. Dean walked around seeing a sharp blinding light surrounding the area and he stepped forward seeing no one but Alistair move out from shadows.

"Dean" he said softly clasping his hand together. "After many days of calling you, I finally have you here"

"What do you want, Alistair?"

"A little birdy tells me you no longer want to be a part of my special team"

"Azazel?"

"One of many little birds" he said softly cocking his head at him. "Why have you been ignoring my calls, Dean? I am very disappointed with you"

"Because I don't want to do it anymore!" Dean shouted at him. "I can't keep doing this…I can't keep lying to my mom, my brother and…everyone I love"

Alistair laughed coldly clapping his hands together. "You sound like your daddy, Dean, your precious daddy who quit the moment you found out about his little job…he quit because you told him too and what happened, Dean?"

"You killed him" Dean hissed.

"I did no such thing" Alistair said with a cruel smile. "John Winchester had many enemies and I did not kill him, Dean"

"What?" Dean breathed shaking his head.

"I didn't kill your daddy, I don't actually know who did the deed but I would like to send them a bouquet of flowers"

"You bastard" Dean said shaking his head. "I want out, Alistair, I can't keep doing this"

"Are you doing this for Castiel, Dean?"

Dean instantly stiffened staring at Alistair with wide eyes. "How- who told you about Cas?"

"My little bird" Alistair purred and whistled in signal.

Dean turned startled to see one of Alistair's hand men drag Adam into view shoving him near Dean. Adam glanced at Dean shifting away moving towards the wall and staring at Alistair in fear.

"Adam?" Dean whispered astonished.

"I'm sorry" Adam breathed shaking his head and curling in on himself.

"You leave Adam out of this!" Dean shouted at Alistair furiously.

"My little bird wanted a job and I gave him one! I told him to spy on my best worker and my best worker is helplessly in love with a pathetic little boy and he wants to quit for him" Alistair said in a cool voice. "Weak links, Dean, weak, pathetic, spineless, links that bring down companies to their knees"

"I never wanted any part of this! You, you dragged me into this when I was grieving for my dad and promised me everything! I want nothing to do with you, this company and I want out" Dean yelled at him.

Alistair simply stared at him with cold grey eyes that flashed in humour as he nodded.

"You were not like this at the beginning…you were a little difficult but you were so eager to please me, Dean, and now he's gone…where's my boy gone?"

"I am not your boy, I am John Winchester's boy and you took away my dad" Dean said in a cold tone squeezing his fists together. "You told me you would give me the answer, now give it"

Alistair laughed long and hard sending shivers of fear down Dean and Adam who turned his face away. Alistair sobered shaking his head away.

"You know me, Dean, I love the best and you're the best I have but sometimes the best stray from the path and sometimes need persuasion to behave" Alistair said walking up and down slowly considering. "It's like bad behaviour…you need to punish the child to get the message across…to get the lesson across and well…sometimes its dirty"

Dean swallowed glancing at Adam who glanced over to him.

"Weak links, Dean, weak links" Alistair said catching his attention and clicking his fingers. Dean turned startled in fear when the hand man waiting in the shadows stepped forward out of nowhere, gun in hand, and pointed straight at Adam. Three shots were fired as they flew through the air slicing through skin, muscles, and bone till Adam was slumped against the wall drenched in his own blood.

"No!" Dean roared running over to him and watching as Adam gasped fighting for breath and stared into Dean's eyes. Dean stared at the bullet holes in horror pressing a hand over them the best he could feeling the warmth of the dark blood flood over his hands.

"Adam, you need to hold on" Dean said frantically pulling out his phone and gasped when the phone was knocked out of his hand by the hand man who crushed it under his foot. Dean looked over his shoulder to see Alistair watching them with a small smile. Dean couldn't deal with him right now as he turned to Adam holding his hand and feeling tears prickle his eyes.

"Adam" he breathed.

Adam struggled for breath gargling on his own blood. "I-I'm sorry, D-Dean"

"No, no, it's okay, don't talk"

"T-They're c-coming" he whispered with a nod.

Dean frowned confused and gasped when Adam's last breath slipped out, the light faded from his eyes, and the grip in his hand slacked in Dean's grip. Dean breathed out horrified staring at his blood covered hands and fell back shaking and breathing hard.

"You killed him" he whispered. "You killed him!"

"Necessary needs…he was a weak link" Alistair murmured with an eye roll. "Has your lesson been learnt?"

Dean stared at the blood on his hands feeling sick and looked over to the lifeless body of his best friend and looked over to Alistair with cold eyes.

"I'm going to kill you, I won't stop till you're dead" Dean hissed pressing up and kneeling on the floor. "You killed my dad and now my best friend? You are a dead man"

The humour slipped from Alistair's eyes and expression as he moved towards him slowly and taking the gun from the hand man.

"Are you sure, Dean?" he whispered crouching down towards him with a small smirk. "Could you really kill me?"

"Yes" Dean hissed up at him and inhaled sharply when Alistair pointed the gun at him.

"I can't allow threats like that"

Dean trembled looking up at him and closed his eyes seeing his mom, Sam, and finally Castiel in front of his eyes feeling images flicker through his eyes like a home video.

Back at the apartments, Castiel sat in bed looking at his phone seeing the one new message. His fingers pressed the call button and he pressed the phone to his ear.

"**Hey, Cas, I really hope you listen to this and not delete it straight away because I would be wasting my breath here. Look, I'm not sorry for intervening then…it was killing me watching you flirt and talk to that dick and I could do nothing to stop it. I don't regret it. I do regret taking that dare though…I regret it so much but when it came to it and we fucked for the first time I did it because I cared about you…I more than cared about you, Cas, I…"**

The silence continued well on till Castiel drew the phone away confused to see it still running.

"**I love you, Cas, I fell in love with you…I think it was the moment we kissed and I realised I had feelings for you…I pushed you away, twice, but you came back for more and how could I resist you? I wanted to fuck you, kiss you, hold you, and I had this fucking dare over my head! I just wanted you to know, baby, and I'm…I'm going go and do the right thing now…I'm no longer that crazy drug dealer or that cruel, malicious, horrible person any longer. I'm going to end it, Cas, and get out. I wanted you to know just in case anything happens. I do love you though, you're the most amazing person I know now and I should have never hated you for nothing…I'm going to go now and I hope you listen to this more than anything"**

Castiel heard the answerphone message click off and felt a sharp shiver run up his spine and stared at the hairs rising up on his arm. Something was wrong, deadly wrong, and every instinct was telling him to find Dean right now. The phone clattered from his grip as he scrambled out of the bed knowing exactly what he meant.

"Cas" Dean whispered as the world exploded into nothing but pain and darkness.

**A/N: Well…**

**Thank you for the reviews! **


	15. Chapter 15

Castiel didn't stop running. He ignored Gabriel's protests as he ran out of the apartment in a hurry, his feet took him back towards the pub still in full swing, and his one thought was to find Dean.

"Jo!" Castiel shouted running in through the door and shoving past people in haste to get to a tipsy Jo. Jo blinked alarmed when he appeared in front of her sweaty and frantic.

"Jo, where is the base?"

"What base?" she said focusing him with a small puff of laughter.

"The base where Alistair works, Jo, I need you to tell me" he pleaded gripping her shoulders and ignoring the curious looks directed at them.

"Um, near Meadow Street, the old buildings" she said blinking and gripping his wrists. "Why?"

"I need to find Dean…I think he's done something stupid"

"What do…Castiel!" Jo shouted after him as he took off running back out and swallowed hard brining out her phone with shaky hands. She turned her head to see Becky passed out draped over at a drunken Balthazar who was half dozing himself. The call to Dean directed straight to voicemail which made her stomach churn as she looked up at the now closed door and wondered what the hell was going on.

Castiel took off heading towards the place and ran all the way. His eyes burned from the cold wind blowing him furiously, his lungs burned in heat and cold, and his feet ached from the long run. He knew Meadow Street was ten minutes away from where he was and in the distance he could a cluster of noise. Castiel ran harder as he turned the corner and stumbled breathing hard and fast to see dozens of policemen, police cars, police vans and an ambulance surrounding the area. He breathed out shakily running towards the scene to see policemen pinning men to the ground and arresting them or escorting them to the cars. Drug dogs were being hauled around the place but Castiel didn't care as he ran towards it and ducked a policeman reaching for him and ran around the back.

"Wait!" a voice called behind him as he rounded the corner and stopped staring at paramedics working on a figure lying on the ground. Castiel looked over to the second figure and inhaled sharply seeing Adam being covered by a white sheet.

"Oh my…" he breathed and moved over staring down at Dean. He could dimly hear someone pulling at his arm and shouting in his ear as he stared down at him lying pale on the ground with paramedics working on his chest.

"I'm his boyfriend" Castiel whispered. "I'm his fucking boyfriend!"

Castiel turned cold eyes shouting at the paramedic who backed down with a nod. His whole body felt numb as he dropped down staring and pressing his fingers over his eyes.

"Please don't die, please don't die, please don't die" Castiel chanted over and over again hearing the paramedics speaking about no heartbeat and hospital immediately. His knees gave out as he dropped down crawling over and looking at his closed eyes and the blackish red stain over his top on his chest.

"Dean, can you hear me?" he whispered and gasped when he was shoved out of the way as an oxygen mask was fitted to his face. Castiel watched as they strapped Dean to the board carrying him to the ambulance.

Castiel scrambled up following after them as they placed him in the ambulance.

"Whoa, are you a family member?"

"No, no, but I'm his-his boyfriend" Castiel said with a frantic nod, tears filming over his eyes. "Please?"

The paramedic nodded moving back as Castiel clambered in staring at Dean from the seat as the sirens went off. The paramedics worked on him frantically as heart defibrillator on him to restart his heart. Castiel scrambled for his phone which he was glad he had brought now and dialled the house number for the Winchesters.

Mary who was getting ready for the bed frowned at the ringing phone and ran downstairs picking it up.

"Hello?" she said softly.

"Mary, it's Castiel, it's…its Dean" he said in a cracked voice. "He's hurt…bad, you need to get the hospital now"

Mary felt her whole world come apart as she listened to Castiel explain the situation, she dropped the phone screaming for Sam who ran down in a mild panic attempting to control his panicked mother who frantically grabbed the keys for her car telling him to get in.

The ride to the hospital was pure torture as Castiel jumped out of the back watching them drag Dean away on the gurney through the hospital doors leaving him alone in the reception.

"Come on love" a woman said dragging him into the waiting room. Castiel dropped into the blue chair placing his head into his hands rocking back and forth. Dean's answerphone message replayed in his mind and he closed his eyes in despair remembering the last words he said to him and they weren't the kindest. Castiel despaired leaning his head back till it hit the white wall behind him with a loud smack.

The wait wasn't long before a flustered Mary ran in to the waiting room wearing a thrown on coat, her white nightgown tucked into jeans. Sam was right behind her with wide panicked eyes staring at Castiel who stood looking between them.

"Dean's been shot"

"Shot" Mary breathed her natural pale skin paling to a snow white as she sat down shaking her curls. Sweat covered her brow and she shook a hand at Castiel.

"No…no"

"One bullet to the chest…they said there was a struggle" Castiel murmured dropping back into his seat watching Sam do the same next to Mary looked stunned and frightened. His brow pinched and he reached for his mom's hand clinging to it. Mary turned towards him with a small sound of despair bringing him into her arms and clinging to him breathing soothing words into his hair. Castiel looked down at the ground wondering whether or not to tell her but left it leaving that for Dean who he prayed made it.

"Adam's dead" Castiel breathed looking up at Mary who turned startled eyes on him visibly shaking, Sam squawked in horror.

"Adam…Adam Milligan?"

"Yes" Castiel said with a nod. "I-I don't know the circumstances but I do know that he was on the scene with Dean and they covered him with a white sheet"

"Castiel, do you know what happened?" she whispered clinging to Sam. "Who did this?"

"I…" he said starting to talk when the arrival of a doctor stopped him in his tracks.

"My son, my baby boy, is he okay?" Mary pleaded with the doctor who attempted to reassure her.

"He's in theatre now and has sustained a substantial amount of blood loss which we have managed to control" he said looking into her eyes in reassurance. "He's a fighter, ma'am"

"Will he be okay?" Sam said still clinging to Mary.

"We won't know till he comes out of theatre" he said with a sad nod. "Excuse me" The doctor exited the room leaving them alone. Mary inhaled deeply stroking a hand through Sam's hair and sitting down in the seat again. Castiel looked down at his ringing phone and exited the room darting outside and answering the phone.

"Gabe"

"Cas, where the fuck are you? You can't just leave like that!"

"Gabe, it's-it's Dean, he's…he's been shot" Castiel replied feeling moisture prick his eyes and he drew in a shaky breath. Gabriel blinked startled rising off the sofa.

"What about you? Cas, are you hurt!""

"No, no, no I'm fine…it's just him and his friend, Adam, he's, um, he's dead"

"Where are you?"

"The hospital"

"I'll be right there"

"No, Gabe…"

"Castiel, I'm on my way" Gabriel snapped hanging up the phone and leaving the apartment swiftly. Castiel stared down at his phone scrubbing a hand over his face and sniffed deeply looking back to the hospital doors.

"Please let him live" he whispered looking up at the dark cold sky littered in tiny sparkly stars. His eyes blurred with uncontrollable tears and he turned back around walking to the waiting room for the news.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Dean has no idea where he is. His mind is uncontrollable as it whirls with pain, blood, and the constant, annoying, beeping somewhere in the distant. Dean knows his body is burning hot, everywhere aches, and he can't open his eyes. His hand twitches and he reaches out blindly feeling no contact.

"Dean?" a soft voice whispers clinging to his hand and he opened his eyes squinting at the bright white light above him feeling queasy and lightheaded.

"Am I dead?" he murmured with a soft groan.

"No, sweetheart, you are very much alive"

Dean turned towards the voice to see a halo of blonde hair and red rimmed eyes staring back at him with a smile that made his insides melt.

"Mom" he murmured and closed his eyes when she leaned forward peppering his forehead with kisses and cupped his cheeks.

"Hello, angel" she whispered and looked over her shoulder. "I better go get the doctor; you've been out for three days"

"What?" he croaked confused looking around the small room and moaning in pain. "I'm in hospital?"

"Yes" she said stroking a hand into his hair and moving away. "I'll be right back, okay?"

Dean closed his eyes feeling a squirm of discomfort and breathed through the pain striking through his body. The memories of that night hit him painfully and he opened his eyes feeling tears run down his cheeks and he groaned shaking his head.

"Mom" he called out when the doctor returned with Mary who ran inside comforting him.

"Baby, I'm here"

"Sam, where's…Sam?" he murmured blinking furiously.

"In school, he, um, he put one hell of a fight but he needs his education" Mary said with a sad chuckle looking down at him.

"Hello, Dean, my name is Joseph and I am the doctor who treated you and is still treating you. How are you feeling?"

"Sore"

"I'll get the nurse to get you more pain medication" he said with a soft smile. "Now, Dean, do you remember what happened to you?"

"I was shot"

"Yes, one bullet wound to your chest which narrowly missed your heart and any other internal organ and vein, Dean, you are very lucky to be alive" he said glancing over to Mary. "The police would like to speak to you"

"No, no, not yet…mom" he pleaded looking over to Mary who nodded.

"Give him an hour" she said to the doctor who nodded once and exited the room. Mary sniffed deeply waiting till the door closed till she sat down taking his hand and looking into his pain filled eyes and sighed.

"This is the time now, Dean, when you are going to tell me the truth?"

"Do you know?"

"Castiel told me the truth after much interrogating"

"Cas!" Dean exclaimed and hissed at the movement. "Where is he?"

"Sleeping, he sat with you all night" she said softly with a small smile. "You've been in a comatose state for three days and he's not left your side…he's been reading to you, holding this hand, and well…being your little constant"

Dean smiled softly looking away and feeling a little bubble of pleasure and hope in his chest erupt. Mary squeezed his hand catching his attention so he looked over and swallowed hard.

"What's Cas said?"

"Everything, he told me you were in a drug gang with a man called Alistair Owen who…who dragged you in when you were just sixteen years old" Mary said shaking her head. "Why – Dean, why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't mom; I was trying to protect you and Sam since dad…"

"What about your father?" Mary said confused.

"What did he…?" Dean said trailing off. "Mom, dad was in the gang first, he was doing it secretly for the money and he lied about the new job. I found out when I was in middle school and I made him quit mom, I made him do it for us but it was the wrong mistake! Alistair doesn't let you quit not unless he says so and he paid for it"

Mary stared at him with wide eyes unable to digest the new information and covered her mouth with a shaky inhale.

"It all makes sense now…oh god, I did wonder, I did, I wondered where all this money was coming from and the suspicious behaviour I mean I even thought for one minute he was having an affair" she said covering her eyes. "Drugs? John…your father was a good man"

"Yeah mom he was and he always will be but Alistair? Alistair is a smooth talker and you know we had money troubles so who knows what he said" Dean said reassuring her and clinging to her hand. "I was sixteen mom, I wanted to protect you and you were both still grieving and the money wasn't coming in and…Sam wants to go to Yale or Stanford and he's such a good kid"

"That wasn't your job to do, Dean, it was mine!" she said closing her eyes. "You were sixteen years old and dragged into something so dangerous"

Mary dropped his hand moving back into her seat covering her face with her hands.

"You could have died and you should have told me what was happening!"

"How could I?"

"Because I'm your mother, Dean, and I'm the one who should be protecting you" she whispered tears sliding down her cheeks. "I was so scared when Castiel called me to tell me you had been shot and all those memories of finding your dad like that haunted me"

Dean closed his eyes in pain and nodded. "I'm so sorry"

Mary inhaled a large breath and moved forward cupping the side of his cheek. "Alistair has been arrested, he's one of the most wanted and all his other…thugs are in prison now"

"Really?"

"Yes, you have _nothing _to be worried about"

Dean shook his head frantically. "They're going to throw me in jail, mom, I was still a part of it all!"

"You were part of something you couldn't get out of" she protested.

Dean turned towards her and felt a small smile grace his features. "You sound like Cas"

"He was the one who said it to me and I agree" she said with a humoured smile. "You need to rest sweetheart before the police come to interview you"

Dean swallowed hard closing his eyes and feeling her gentle kiss on his forehead before freezing and turning towards Mary.

"Adam" he breathed clutching her hand. "He-he wanted in, I wouldn't let him but Alistair got there before me and he-he shouldn't have…"

"He died, love, they couldn't resuscitate him" Mary said softly watching as the despair crossed across his features. Dean closed his eyes turning away and held still when Mary shushed him softly stroking a hand through his hair. The nurse came in at that moment administrating him with more pain medication which made him drowsy and he sighed closing his eyes and drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

Dean opened his eyes hours later seeing a darker room and turned to see Sam sitting in the chair watching him sleep.

"Hey, Sammy" he murmured with a small smile. "How you holding up?"

"I would be a lot better if my brother wasn't in hospital getting over a bullet to his chest" Sam said with a scowl.

"I'm sorry, Sammy, I didn't…I didn't mean to lie to you but if meant lying to you to keep you from a bullet to the head then I would do it any day"

"How could you do it, Dean, how could you do and join something like that" Sam said with a shake of his head. "Mom is freaking out"

"I was trying to protect you and support this family!" he cried covering his eyes. "I'm sorry"

"I know" Sam murmured glancing at the door. "There's someone waiting to talk to you"

Dean looked over to the glass windows and smiled seeing Castiel watching him.

"Can you give us some privacy?"

"Sure" Sam murmured moving up and heading out with a quick nod for Castiel who stepped in shutting the door behind him. Dean pushed up and winced at the pain running through his chest and leaned back into the pillows looking at Castiel who walked over to him stopping near the bed.

"Hey, Cas"

Castiel stared at him with tired eyes before exhaling and moving forward to kiss him fiercely. Dean gasped at the sudden contact and eagerly accepted it as he kissed him back fisting his hands into his jacket.

"You stupid, stupid, son of a bitch" Castiel hissed pulling away to look into his eyes. "Do you have any idea how scared I've been?"

"I can imagine" Dean breathed with a moan when Castiel cupped the back of his neck kissing him furiously. Dean swept his tongue into his mouth tasting bad hospital coffee and made a small sound of distress when he pulled back.

"I got your voice message, Dean, and I didn't stop running till I found you" he murmured pulling the seat towards him and dropping down. Dean noticed the way his eyes were red rimmed and felt a curl of pain settle in his chest as he reached out for him. Castiel caught his hand with his own pressing his lips to the knuckles and sighing deeply.

"You were just lying there on the ground, Dean, and I couldn't do anything to help you!"

"It was my decision, Cas, it was my endgame or my life…and I won"

"Won? Dean, you are lying in a hospital bed with a hole in your chest! You nearly died" Castiel hissed at him. "The last words I spoke to you were telling you to leave and the last words were telling me you loved me"

"I meant every word" Dean whispered turning his head to look at him and flashed him a small smile. "They were my last words"

"You're an asshole" Castiel murmured closing his eyes. "Those shouldn't have been your last words; you shouldn't be having last words"

"I whispered your name before it happened"

"What?" Castiel said surprised opening his eyes.

"I was thinking of you all and you were my last thought before I struck out at the gun attempting to fight back but I couldn't and…I was shot. The police came after that…Adam must have called them before he died" Dean said feeling queasy. "I can't believe Adam is gone"

"No one can" he replied looking over to him. "Jo is frantic with worry"

"Where is she?"

"At home I think" he said looking up at the clock. "Visiting times are nearly over but I refuse to move"

Dean smirked when he blushed nuzzling his fingers. He watched as he dropped his head to the bed and Dean couldn't resist as he brought his hand down massaging his scalp with his fingers. There was a small knock on the door which startled him and he looked up to see Mary and two policemen standing behind her.

"They need to take a statement now sweetheart" she said stepping inside and letting them in. Castiel straightened looking over to him and gave him a nod.

"I'll be right here, Dean"

Dean gave him a gracious smile linking their hands together and turned to face the officers.

"Evening officers"

_**~0~0~0~**_

It was day three in the hospital and Dean was feeling restless as he poked at his dismal hospital meal. Three days ago, the police took away his statement with enough evidence to put away Alistair away with enough charges so he wouldn't ever get out. Dean was also more than surprised to hear that there would be no charges against him.

He sighed deeply looking up at the TV showing another cooking channel and groaned.

"I'm so bored!" he called out miserably and perked up when the door opened revealing a familiar sight. Castiel held up a brown bag and smiled when Dean grinned at him eagerly holding out his hands. Mary had been right about him being his one constant at the moment and with the dare and everything along with it firmly pushed out for the moment it was rather good between them.

"Pie!" Dean exclaimed staring in to it and crooked a finger at him. "Come here"

Castiel flushed pink walking over and smiling when he pulled him into a pleased kiss.

"Did I tell you how fucking awesome you are?"

"Many times" Castiel breathed against his lips. "I know you hate hospital food now"

"Hell yes" he said looking over to the food on the plate with a nose wrinkle of disgust. "Hey, do you know where my mom is?"

"Work I believe and guess what" Castiel said perching on the bed. "It's snowing"

"What?" Dean said looking up at him. "And I'm stuck in here?"

"I wouldn't want you out there either, Dean, it's dangerous"

"I'll live"

"For now"

Dean rolled his eyes digging into the warm pie and moaning deeply. Castiel turned his head away amused to his delighted sound of eating the apple pie.

"Cas"

"Yes?"

"Do we need to talk about it now?"

Castiel cocked his head confused. "Talk about what?"

"The dare" Dean murmured with a final swallow wiping his sticky fingers. "I can't be in the clear just like that"

"No, no you're not" Castiel said with a shake of his head. "What you did was cruel, hurtful, and humiliating, Dean, and it's going to take time for that trust to come back"

"So…what's happening between us?"

"It's insane what a simple voice message and a near death experience can do" Castiel murmured looking away. "Do you love me, Dean?"

"Yeah, yeah, Cas, I love you"

"You know I love you too and sometimes love isn't enough but it's the bad days that get us to the good ones" Castiel murmured moving over to him and sliding his hand behind the back of his head fisting his hair. "I want you to promise me right now, Dean, that you will always be truthful, honest, and straightforward with me. I want no more lies, no more deceit, no more hurt from you"

"I promise, Cas"

Castiel held up his pinkie and smiled when Dean linked it tight kissing the locked fingers.

"You know I never wanted to truly go through it, Cas, that dare was the stupidest thing I took but it did something else as well…it got me you" Dean murmured sliding his hands into the fluff of his hair and looked into his open blue eyes. Castiel nodded closing his eyes and moving to rest his head in the crook of his neck inhaling the laundry smell from the hospital cloths and the sweet smell of sugar and apples. Dean eagerly accepted this as he held him close closing his eyes and moving his nose into his hair. The warmth of his body next to his was comforting as they simply sat together in that moment. He was thankful to be even alive and have the chance to start to rebuild the best thing that ever happened to him in the shape of his former enemy and now love.

**A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews guys, keep them coming.**


	16. Chapter 16

"I can go home?" Dean said brightly when the doctor stood at the end of the bed.

"Yes but you still need rest, Mr Winchester, you've been through an ordeal and it will be quite tender for some time so no…vigorous activities" he said glancing over to Castiel who flushed.

"Hell no, I need my exercise" Dean responded with a wink and a chuckle when Castiel smacked him on the arm gently. The doctor responded with an eye roll and scribbled on his clipboard.

"I will prescribe you some pain killers and you can discharge yourself at the desk"

"Thanks, doc" Dean said shuffling to the end of the bed and looking at Castiel who moved forward helping him out of the bed onto steadier legs.

"Thanks, Cas"

"Do you need assistance getting dressed?"

"No I'll be fine" he murmured when the door closed. Castiel shifted closer when he cupped the side of his neck bringing him into a heated kiss. Dean moaned when he placed his hands on his hips and stroked the fine skin with his fingers.

"You've been amazing"

"Thank you" he breathed against his lips and smiled when Dean nuzzled the side of his neck tickling him.

The door opened suddenly startling them both to pull apart with Dean glaring, Castiel blushing furiously, and Mary covering her mouth with a giggle.

"Oh you boys" she said walking in and sighing. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, give me a minute" he said with a snort moving pulling on his jeans and dressing quickly. Castiel bit his lip looking over to Mary feeling a curl of embarrassment as Dean dressed and winced turning towards them.

"I'm good" he murmured grabbing Castiel's hand that caused him to blink in surprise as they were twined together and he pulled him along. Dean signed out and sighed deeply rubbing his forehead.

"Are you okay?" Castiel whispered in concern.

"I didn't get any sleep last night"

"Nightmares?"

"Yeah"

Castiel kissed his shoulder gently as they walked to the car and got inside. Dean was dreading what everyone would have to say about him. The drive back home was quiet and slow from the icy roads as Dean settled on Castiel's shoulder relaxing as his fingers stroked into his hair. Mary watched them in the rear-view mirror with a small smile seeing the devotion shining in Castiel's eyes as he soothed Dean. The drive home ended quickly and Dean straightened looking at the house and seeing figures waiting outside in the snow.

"Oh god" he breathed looking over to Castiel who moved over resting his chin on his shoulder.

"I'm here" he murmured looking into his eyes. Dean sighed closing his eyes and opened them slowly turning back to face the ones waiting for him. Dean stared into Jo's eyes feeling a wash of fear when she moved over looking like she fully wanted to punch him hard and repeatedly in the gut.

"I am so glad you are okay" she hissed pulling into a bone crushing hug with tears flooding her eyes. "I'm just so glad"

"Hey, Jo" Dean murmured clinging to her small frame and breathing out. "Adam"

Jo pulled back and grimaced shaking her head staring at the ground. "I told him, Dean, I told him not to do it…I can't believe it"

"I couldn't stop it…it was so quick"

"I know" Jo breathed touching his cheek and looking over to Castiel at his side. "You two made up then?"

"Starting to" Dean said with a small smile meeting the wide blue eyes with a wink and a smile. Castiel flushed looking down at the ground and looked over to Pamela and Ash waiting. Dean wandered over to them accepting their hugs and hushed words.

"Have you forgiven him?"

"In a way I guess but trust takes time to regain"

Jo nodded in agreement tilting her head up to look at grey sky on the cusp of snowing once again. Castiel looked over to Dean and closed his eyes inhaling deeply.

"I thought he was dead, Jo, I knelt on the ground and I looked over his body and he…" he said trailing off and looking into Jo's eyes. Jo nodded in agreement looking over to Dean.

"I know, I felt the same way when you told me what happened but he's okay now and we have to be thankful"

"What is everyone saying?" Castiel whispered turning his back on Dean still talking.

"It's mostly gossip and rumours…everyone is shook up about the shootings, Adam's murder, and Dean's almost murder"

"I think I've had about ten hours sleep in five days" Castiel murmured swallowing hard.

"Then we better get to bed" Dean said suddenly startling him and wrapping his arms around his waist tightly. Castiel smiled in response turning his head and brushing his lips over his.

"Right, we better be going before we freeze to death" Jo cried loudly gesturing at the other two. "I'll call you tomorrow"

"I'll answer" he said softly watching them trudge through the snow. Dean grabbed Castiel's hand tugging him with him as they walked into the warmth of the house. Sam looked up when he did and barrelled over crashing into Dean who grunted in pain but accepted it.

"Sam!" Mary said walking in angrily. "I told you not to do that!"

"It's okay mom" Dean reassured hugging his lanky form back and stepping back to look over him. "Missed me?"

"Yes!" Sam snapped with a huff moving away.

"Wow, bittersweet" Dean murmured with a raised eyebrow. "Mom, I'm going to bed"

"Good, you need rest"

"You staying or going?" Dean muttered looking to Castiel who simply smiled tugging on his hand and pulling him up the stairs. Dean felt a thrill shoot up inside him as he followed him up the stairs and looked around his bedroom with a relieved smile.

"Home sweet bedroom" he said stepping out of his jeans and shoes crawling under the cold covers. Castiel watched him carefully and joined him kicking off his jeans and slipping under the covers pressing a kiss to his chest.

"Hey, you know the doctor said no vigorous exercise?"

"Yes" Castiel said peering up at him.

"Well I've been lying in bed for days and I'm starting to get flabby" he said with a wink shifting down and looking into his eyes.

"You're still healing, Dean, I don't want you to hurt yourself" Castiel murmured when he moved forward capturing his mouth kissing him thoroughly. Dean smiled when he moaned clinging to his shoulders and pulled back shaking his head.

"I don't want to hurt you"

"Cas, baby, this is my body and it feels fine"

"You were shot a few days ago"

Dean hummed with a nod moving closer to him pushing his hands up his t-shirt touching the warmth of his skin underneath feeling the muscles of his stomach jump at the cold contact. Castiel inhaled shakily closing his eyes when his lips travelled across the length of his neck sucking a warm wet path and nipping the skin hard.

"Dean" he moaned in a low voice clutching him closer. "Clothes, we-we need less clothes"

Dean growled in agreement tugging his own t-shirt and ignored the sharp pain. Castiel followed as he shred his own clothes as lightning speed till they were naked pressed up against each other.

"I have missed this so much you have no idea" Castiel murmured bringing his hands to rake into his hair. "I hated you like there was no tomorrow but at the same time I loved you so much…I missed this"

"It's okay, I missed this to" Dean murmured cupping the side of his cheek and kissing him hard. "I want you inside of me, Cas"

"Really"

"Fuck me" Dean breathed against his lips.

Castiel smiled against them and nodded moving to hover over him and spread his legs wide looking over him.

"You're so beautiful" he whispered bending a head to trail his tongue across the head tasting the saltiness and his pure scent. Dean blushed throwing his head back and moaning throatily when his lips trailed further down taking him into his mouth sucking it down.

"Fuck, Cas" Dean breathed fisting a hand into the cover and the other sliding into his hair grabbing and tugging it gently. Castiel hummed sucking him down sending vibrations over Dean who gasped squeezing his eyes shut and clutching his hand harder.

"You're amazing, fuck, Cas, yes, please" he panted rolling his hips sliding his cock deeper into his mouth. Dean trembled feeling his release and arched his back as he spilled down his throat with a cry. Castiel swallowed him greedily sucking him till he was dry and soft into his mouth. Dean hissed when he let him go and crawled up kissing him fiercely.

"Fuck me, Cas, please just fuck me" Dean pleaded gripping him tight. Castiel nodded shifting away and moving over to the drawer bringing out the lube and the condom. He bit his lip slipping the condom on and popping open the lube smearing the cool liquid over his fingers and slipped them down fingering the hole gently. Dean gasped when the finger slipped inside of him shifting and wriggling deep inside of him.

"More, Cas, please, more" he begged rolling his hips and spreading his legs wider. Castiel smirked sliding a second finger inside of him and wriggling his fingers to spread him wider feeling the tight resistance and heat surrounding his fingers till he edged a third inside of him. Dean hissed at the intrusion slipping inside of him widening and crooking inside of him.

"Cas!"

Castiel rolled his eyes slipping the fingers out of him. "So impatient"

"Screw that, fuck me" Dean murmured ignoring the pain in his chest and kissing him roughly sliding his tongue across the roof of his mouth. Castiel moaned feeling his cock harden more as he gripped his hips and pushed his cock sliding deep inside inch by inch till he was sheathed inside of him.

"Oh fuck!" Dean hissed shutting his eyes and grabbing his shoulders with a heartfelt moan rocking against him. Castiel set up a rhythm as he thrusted deep inside of him groaning at the heat and how good he felt around him.

"_Cas"_ Dean moaned sliding his hand down his back cupping his ass and bringing him in deeper as they rocked together. Castiel shushed him covering his mouth and they stilled hearing the front door close.

"Oh shit!" Dean hissed looking at Castiel who flushed embarrassed and kissed him. "I'm sure she doesn't mind"

"My mom and little brother have heard…heard us having sex!"

"It's not the first time"

Dean chuckled shaking his head and moaned into his throat when he thrusted deeper inside of him feeling the prostrate being struck sending shivers up his spine. Castiel stroked a hand down his cheek looking into his eyes as he fucked him harder into the mattress feeling his orgasm peak inside of him. Dean gasped clinging into him leaving encircles into his ass when Castiel climaxed flooding him with warmth.

Castiel breathed out panting harder as the sweat covering their bodies shone and cooled on their skin. Dean closed his eyes breathing hard and wincing at the dull pain spreading across his chest.

"Baby, as much as I love you, you're hurting me" he murmured and gasped in relief when Castiel immediately moved off him. Castiel looked him over as he rolled onto his side and curled against him.

"You're incredible" Dean breathed turning his head to look at him.

"I love you"

"Love you too, Juliet" Dean murmured and chuckled when he scoffed glaring at him. "I'm glad you didn't kill yourself at my bedside"

"I would never leave you alone"

"How romantic" Dean teased with a puff of laughter. "I'm so sorry, Cas"

"For what"

"Taking that dare when I shouldn't have, for breaking your heart and trust in me, and getting myself shot" Dean murmured looking him over and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. Castiel hummed with a nod propping up on his elbow to look him over.

"You are a complete and utter asshole but you're my asshole and I fell in love with you, Dean, I didn't mean to and I certainly wasn't planning on it but you've helped me in ways you couldn't imagine" Castiel said softly. "Look at my wrists"

Dean glanced over them and moved forward kissing over each of the scars.

"You were the first I told, Dean, I trusted you because a part of me knew you were telling the truth" Castiel murmured with a soft gasp at the soft kisses trailed down his arm. "Since you, I've had no more nightmares and I don't feel afraid anymore"

"Even when you found out the truth you still felt the same?"

"Yes" Castiel murmured with a nod. "We have a few rough months coming up and I still need that time to regain that trust which shattered into dust but it's slowly repairing itself day by day, hour by hour, and we have Adam's funeral, we have the rest of high school left with a shit load of revision, exams, and preparing for college but I hope and would like to do it all with _you, _the best and worst thing that ever happened to me"

"I'm up for it if you are" Dean murmured. "I promise no more lies and dares"

"No more" Castiel whispered shaking his head and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. "Who says you can't have a high school romance?"

"You are so cheesy" Dean murmured with a puff of laughter. "Thank god for Romeo and Juliet"

"Yes, Dean, will you be the Romeo to my Juliet" he whispered into his ear and smiled closing his eyes when he laughed.

"Oh looks like someone is coming around to the idea! I thought you hated it"

"I do, I was being cheesy"

"Don't ever, ever, change, you understand me?" Dean murmured pulling him into a hard kiss. "You're perfect the way you are"

"Okay"

"Good, right girly time over, I think I need a little more exercise" Dean growled rolling him over into the mattress loving the small chuckle and claiming his lips into a long overdrawn kiss as they explored each other's bodies reconnecting.

It was time to forget the past, move on from the darkness, the troubled past from both their lives, ignore the cruel dares and twisted truths between them and find that little light at the end of the tunnel. Stage one of many was over in their lives and it was onto the future, no more looking back. It was time for regaining trust, hope, and more importantly love.

**A/N: Aw, it's the end now. Thank you for all the reviews! You guys have been awesome and I loved writing this. This was kinda based off a book I read a long time ago that stuck in my mind called, "Perfect Chemistry" which someone pointed out and I would like to thank them because I forgot the name of it! **


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